Losing a Friend

In 2008, my best friend came out to me and said he struggled to tell me because he was scared of how I would react. At first I was shocked, not because I am homophobic but because I couldn't believe that he trusted me enough to tell me his biggest secret and think I would not love him anymore. He then chose to come out to his family. I offered to go with him but he declined and said he hoped that they would accept him. Their reaction was shocking. His parents disowned him, but it was his siblings who started the horrible events that would lead to the shocking aftermath.

His older brother told all his friends, and this is where the bullying started. Posts on Facebook with his name attached calling him a danger to the younger children around our estate, stating that Chris would try and turn them gay or even may target young children for his own sexual pleasure. They didn't stop there. People created fake accounts which they posted statuses from Chris, saying he liked underage boys. For seven months, he was subjected to numerous death threats, hate mail, and even calls and texts telling him to die. New accounts kept popping up, but even after deleting them, more showed up. They then signed him up to numerous dating sites asking for older guys to show him a good time.

This went on for ten months until August 2009. He told me that he had gotten help and was coping. I asked him about reporting it but Chris said he couldn't because there was no way to be able to prove who set the accounts up.

Unfortunately this didn't last and on August 25, 2009, I rang Chris when I had finished work and left him a message to let him know I would be around to see him. I had a key to his flat, and when I arrived, I found my best friend hanging from the banisters. My best friend had taken his own life. The last thing I found was an email sent to him saying he deserved to die as he had caused his family heartache and this had resulted in his father's death. I later found out his dad had, in fact, passed away two days before Chris, and him finding out via email was the last straw for him. My best friend was 20 years old and hadn't had a chance in life to be truly happy in himself.

In my rage, I went round to his family's home, with the intention of shouting and screaming but when I got there, I realised that no amount of anger will change what had happened so I knocked on the door and informed the family of Chris's death and then left. I know that doing it that way might not have been the best but to me, these people had turned their back on their family member who ultimately needed their support and they let him down. Also despite the fact they couldn't accept him, the way he found out his father had died was also incredibly disrespectful.

I vowed that his memory will never be forgotten and to this day, I honour his memory by visiting schools and LGBT groups telling his story but also the consequences of people's homophobia and bullying.

Nine years later and now Chris's older brother keeps in contact with me. Three years ago, we met up after he contacted me on Facebook and he told me that he himself was bisexual. To be honest, I slapped him and asked why he did those horrible things to Chris if he was in a similar position. His answer was that he had always believed it was better to never say anything and keep it secret, and when Chris came out, he was jealous that Chris had the guts. I asked him why now and he told me that after his mother had passed away in 2015, he no longer wanted to hide who he was.

After all this time, I have forgiven but never forgotten. Chris's memory will live on.