Love Is Not a Ready-Made Meal

"I found love!" she said enthusiastically, "I found him! I am in love!" she said as she sat with her close friends. For many months she swam in deep emotions where she gave her best efforts to this someone she held so dearly.

But, as there was nothing more to discover about each other, when all cards were open, both of them began seeking their own desires. All the unpleasant aspects of both individuals started coming out and both partners found themselves in a sudden shock. Fights started arising quicker than they should have been, resentment was built, and both egos wanted to win. The relationship was suddenly going down hill.

"He never treats me right anymore. Its always his feelings before mine!" She said as she vented to her friends. That imaginary infatuation was no longer there. They now had two choices: fight till it works or give up.

I am not an expert in love, but I love studying people and feelings. So when I was wondering why it's difficult for me to fall in love, I realized one thing and I do think what I realized is very true—building a love that is unconditional and durable takes time and a lot of effort. It takes two people having that samegoal to make this work.

Because I did not have enough experience with true love in the past, I compared true love to what my father gives me. My dad always loves me, he is always there for me. No matter how much I hurt him with my words and actions, he never holds resentment or grudges against me. He loves me truly. The reason my dad loves me so much is not only that I am a part of him, but also that his life's efforts were invested me. I was the flower that he watered daily and watched it grow for years.

True love takes time to emerge, it doesn't grow in a week or a month or even months. It could take years of molding, fixing, and many tears. It takes two mature people continuously working to grow their love. And unless both people are not into investing in improving their relationship, it just won't work. In Turkey, we have a saying: "it takes two hands to clap." The only way a relationship becomes a love that is nourishing, empowering, and simply happy is when both persons are willing to invest in each other.

So the love and fairytales in movies and social media posts and etc. could be true, at some point, but we need to keep in mind that real love takes time and effort. Love is never a ready-made meal. You need to be gentle while handling it, you flavor it with care, you time it carefully and you try to make it as perfect as possible. Imagine if you sprinkled your meal with spices carelessly. How terrible would your dinner be? Yes, there will be times you mess up, but if you keep trying, it will only get better and better.

The problem with popular culture is that it always showed men as doing the effort. However, true love has never been where the guy does most of the effort, bringing flowers, surprises, perfect gifts, etc. Men have feelings and they need to be loved, too.Men could be insecure as much as women. They could be hurt and skeptical as women, too. They need to be loved and cared for, just as women need. So it's not just men, it's a partnership; a sign-up between two people to invest and to run to serve each other's happiness.

Love is never a ready made meal. Work on it, nurture it, be gentle on it, and as time passes, you will begin to see the unconditional love and care growing. And the more you both invest in it, the more your relationship becomes valuable.