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Love is the Only Answer

Prune Away the Dead Vines of Dysfunctional Relating

Love is the only answer. One of the greatest challenges in life is to stop searching externally for validation and approval from other individuals. One of the struggles in life is becoming self-reliant, self-sufficient, and self-determined to reach your full potential.

Love is an inside job. There’s no one in this world who will never hurt you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, sexually, or financially. None of us are infallible, and all of us will naturally make mistakes.

When one seeks out the “Perfect” man or woman they will fail every time. Perfectionism rarely exists in human nature. Love is accepting the differences between the masculine and feminine. Love is rising out of the dysfunctional co-dependent relating techniques.

Love is not a war. The real enemy is inside ourselves. The battle starts with our inner dialogue. If we’re perfectionists with ourselves, we tend to be perfectionists with other individuals.

Dominance and Submission becomes a powerful struggle of who is right and who is wrong. There are many times the masculine and feminine can both be right and wrong at the same time. Take time to see from different angles, perceptions, and concentrate on relating in the now. 95 % of the population are grown wounded adults. Seldom are people truthful with themselves. There is a portion of individuals who shove everything under the rug, and feel if they suppress their emotions, they don’t have to face the truth. Everything that goes in our psyche, must come out. When one isn’t conscious of their thoughts, remains on auto pilot, and sits back and waits for life to happen, they’re unaware of how their thoughts, emotions, and feeling impact the situation.

One of the biggest mysteries of relating with others is the acknowledgement we’re Introverts and Extroverts. If you observe the masculine and feminine relating with one another, there is always an Alpha and Omega. Even if there are two Extroverts and two Introverts, you will see one steal the show and dominate the other. At times, they may even shift gears. If you ever watched a pack of wolves, there is always submission and dominance. The difference between humans and animals is we do have the capacity to override our emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and the intellectual capacity to deliberately treat others with respect or disrespect.

Love is the bigger picture. For Introverts they’re more visionary oriented. Long-term gains versus short-term gains.

Extroverts are more Short-Sighted, and focus on the present. What is happening right now is their focus.

Love is never found in short-term pleasure. Short-term gains usually last for two seconds, and rarely give a person valuable return on investment long-term. While it might be fun, pleasurable, self-seeking, it only serves the impulsive desire of fulfilling the urge to merge, and is all about relating with the self, versus relating with another individual. Thoughts are disembodied, compartmentalized, but emotion can never be escaped since it is the emotional center of the brain in the Amygdala and Limbic System. While many individuals believe they’re not making an emotional attachment, the highway to all addictions is in the same part of the brain. Dopamine is the highway to all addictions whether it’s relationships, sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, internet, or gaming.

This is the same part of the brain which feels pain and pleasure, and punishment and reward. Extroverts need more dopamine release, and Introverts don’t need as much dopamine since the Introvert thrives on Acetylcholine. Introverts are more disciplined in their actions, thoughts, and emotions if they used different forms of meditation and visualization. It is easier for Introverts to focus on learn term goals, and often are mistaken for being lazy, because they take the time to contemplate, connect the dots, problem solve, and see what Extroverts don’t see.

Love thrives on a strong foundation. Love is stronger when built on sturdy structure, built on trust, open honesty, and building security and stability in a long-term relationship. Love is about two individuals evolving, growing, and reaching their full potential together. Life requires team players who work together to overcome the obstacles in life. When the storms hit a relationship, this is where you find out what a relationship is made of.

Love is challenged in various ways through the years. The feminine and masculine both desire for things to happen fast. Love is not fast and furious. Love is slow and steady. Usually the first ten years determines whether a relationship will go the distance. Extroverts can slice and dice, before the relationship even reaches the natural stages evolution and growth stages of a couple reaching its full potential.

The first seven to twelve years determines whether a relationship will thrive or break down depending on whether the couple is growth focused, versus fixed focused on the individual versus the team. Both the feminine and masculine recognize there is the “I” and there is the “We”, and one can not exist without the other. There must be a balance between the “I” and “We” or the couple tends to get resentful, angry, bitter, and feels one is sacrificing more than the other.

The truth about relating, is both the masculine and feminine sacrifice everything for the greater good of the team. There are different dimensions of a relationship. The focal point of relationships is the physical appearance, surface, and money. This is all superficial and why it doesn’t last. The conventional relationship is aimed at following the rules of society, conforming to family culture, conforming to friends consent and approval, and “What everyone will think or say.” The Consensus rules the relationship. The couple plays the part, and neither one of them may be honest with themselves, one another, or even their friends, family, and co-workers. This makes it emotionally and mentally painful to live a lie. Sooner or later it breaks down.

The feminine and masculine are the catalyst each other’s personal growth. Love is the reflection of how we value ourselves, what we stand for, what we believe in, and how we perceive the world around us.

Love is difficult in the dominate versus submissive relationships. Rarely does anyone win. Dominate versus submissive relationships are ego based. If you’re emotions, thoughts, and feelings control you, they tend to sabotage the self, and the sabotage the other person at the same time. The win-lose mentality means the masculine and feminine both lose, and if they have children they also lose.

Love surrenders the emotional and mental mind games. Love is never strategic, manipulative, controlling, or dominate. Love is never a win-lose situation. Love is a win-win situation.

If one lives out of fear, there is no room for love to thrive. When one lives out of the ego, jealousy, envy, bitterness, resentment, and anger become destructive in the relationship. If you find yourself trying to control or manipulate another individual, then you must stop for a moment and ask yourself why you need to hang on so tight.

No one can ever grow and reach their full potential if you are self-sabotaging yourself and sabotaging others in the process.

Love shows up in life. In an addictive culture, we abandon ourselves and other individuals. By human nature we’re creatures of habit. It’s natural for us to create negative habits which have an impact on everyone in our environment. When the masculine and feminine are in emotional and mental pain, the first response is to escape, fight or flight, and avoid the situation we’ve created ourselves.

Love leaves the drama and trauma at the door. If you’re intimidating, manipulating, coercing, instilling fear, dominating, and reacting in emotional, mental, and physical violence, stop for a moment to question what steps you can take to improve your environment for everyone involved. Is your anger about the other individual or have you been wounded in past relationships in childhood or romantic relationships? Before you can truly love another individual, you must get to the root of the issue, and prune away the dead vines of self-destruction. The inner battle is whether one finds self-worth, self-love, and values themselves first as much as they value the relationship. 

The Survival Course for the INFJ/INFP

Mattie M.
Mattie M.

Mattie loves uplifting individuals in a more positive direction. She is a poet, short-story writer, and working on her first novel. Writing for a cause to pay for publishing and the editing of my novel on Depression and Anxiety.

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