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When it comes to love, our styles are as unique as our features. The way we communicate love to one another is usually the sum of all the ways we have learned to express love in our past. Soaking up lessons on love from our parents, teachers, romances and TV shows. Sometimes, serendipitously, you find a friend or a lover who seems to be already fluent in your love language. On the other hand, some people have to practice at learning to speak the other's lingo. It can feel like each person is giving it their all, but still there is a disconnect. But don't lose hope! By understanding how the other person accepts love and gives love, the communication will flow and each person will feel appreciated and equal. Here are some ways to note your different love languages:
- Notice little things that person does to make your life/ each other's lives easier. An example would be them filling your tank with gas, or washing the dishes after dinner.
- Observe how they greet you, acquaintances, friends, and also members of their family. This can be a good indication if they are a person who values touch for validation, or if they prefer to express themselves in a less physical way. It can be hard when one person in the relationship values touch more than the other, but it's not impossible.
- Avoid taking a person’s reaction to your gestures too personally. When someone is stressed or in a difficult situation, some prefer to find comfort in close communication. Others may need space during those times. It doesn't mean they are angry with you or don’t appreciate you, their needs are just different. Often times, they can need that space to effectively communicate when they are ready.
- Communicating how you love begins with understanding how you want to be loved. Conduct self-observations. Ask yourself: What makes you feel fulfilled? When did you feel needed? When did you feel appreciated? When did you feel most connected to the other? These are not selfish requests. These requirements provide insight only you can give. Being realistic about what makes you happy in a relationship is an important form of self care.
- Be upfront with your friend/ lover. Remember, humans can not read minds. Compensation breeds disappointment. If you wait for them to figure out why you are upset on their own, you may find yourself growing old, and continuously settling. They will only know if you tell them. Let them know you are willing to meet them halfway and learn their language of love while they learn yours. Set your judgements aside and sit down to clarify what makes each person feel confident and satisfied.
- After taking the time to convey your priorities in the relationship, give yourselves time to get used to the changes. After some time, see if your individual needs are being met. After hearing your needs, are they actively working to meet them? Are you working to meet theirs?
- Observe gratitude. Let the other know that you appreciate them and their efforts.
- Accept their acts of love. Now that you have voiced each other’s wants and needs there is less guessing and more understanding.
- Be patient. Learning to speak another language is hard. They have been speaking that language their whole life, so don’t beat yourself up if it takes a few tries.
It is never too late to learn how you or your companion speaks the language of love. As the understanding and communication increases, so does the love! Te Amo! Lich libe dich! Je t’ amie !