Love Me Mildly

Love me mildly

I don't require miracles

And fancy rings,

Wasted ten mile runs

No poetry lines

Or stars in the galaxy named after me.

Love me mildly, please

This nice girl with the nice lay

Baby, I'm not looking for no wedding day.

Stop rehearsing imaginary vows

In between easy conversation

You mistook for deepness,

We were just dressed in our birthday suits

Lying on expensive duvet covers, passing time,

Looking at the moon.

You said you hated sleeping alone,

So I did you a kindness and stayed the night

Told you time and time again,

I told you to live for now.

You said you time traveled to the future-

We had a big house and you sired my babies.

Tomorrow isn't given

I didn't want to be the one to break your fantasies

But I had to tell you time and time again

I'm not the one you're dreaming of,

So love me mildly.

Told you time and time again,

I told you to live for now…

Behind 'Love Me Mildly'

I first wrote love me mildly, wanting to challenge myself to step outside my comfort zone and write about something that doesn’t follow the same themes that I had been writing about for a while, i.e. pain, disappointment, love and my faith. I was tired of that being what defines my work and to be quite honest, I was bored. So I said, “Love me mildly; I don’t require miracles and fancy rings…” as a nod to all the women in the world who don’t aspire to marriage right now, or ever. Women who don’t day dream about walking down the aisle.

Women who have said no to the expectation of having a man and children define their status in society. Women who pick up guys (yes, pick up guys! What a shocker, right?) and let them know from the start that they are not interested in forming a deeper connection or falling in love. That they are not interested in a future with them, but just want to have fun and enjoy the ride as long as it takes. Women who get up after sex, and either call themselves an Uber or grab their cars keys and drive home. Women who schedule 'getting laid' appointments at their apartments, and afterwards tell the guy to go home because his services are no longer required.

I wrote this piece as a reminder to men, especially the narcissists, that not every woman who sleeps with them is going to ‘catch feelings’ as they so carelessly presume. That women are sexual beings just like them and can separate the physical from the emotional.

In the lines, “Lying on expensive duvet covers, passing time; Looking at the moon”, I deliberately give off the idea of a possible emotional connection from the woman’s side who could be lying on her partner’s chest, while enjoying that silent intimacy and not wanting to move from that space. This is what is expected of women. Is it not? A need to be held, desired and cuddled.

However, in the next line, I debunk that ideal by making the man be the needy body, begging his lover to stay the night. She agrees to stay, not because she is attached to him or has suddenly changed her mind and fallen in love. No. She stays out of convenience. The bed is warm, she is exhausted and she does not want to drive back to her place in the middle of the night alone.

The man, on the other hand, misreads the ‘signs’. He thinks her staying could mean that she is starting to fall for him. Naturally, like the silly man he is, he bores her with his fantasies about the kind of life he envisions for them. A big house and children. She tells him “time and time again” that she is not the one.

To stop pinning his hopes and dreams on her. To stop loving her so much. She is not interested. It’s a waste of time and will only bring him heartbreak.

*This poem is the alter-ego to ‘Love Me Highly’.

- Lebo Bogatsu