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Love Yourself, Come Back Stronger

(Short Advice) on Breakups with an Unhappy Person

-You'll get through it.-

Love is a complicated phenomenon. Being in love can be both the easiest and the hardest thing you'll ever have in your life. 

When you love someone, you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain. There's an amazing connection in some people we just could never understand. In the act of love, you feel at ease and protected by a single being. The joy you feel when you're with them lifts through your body and pours through every inch of your soul.

In some points in many relationships, there is a conflict called, "distancing." When a person is distancing themselves from you, part of the problem is that there is something heavy on their shoulders at the moment, and the other is that many people don't want to burden their loved one with their problems. Although this can be alarming, it is completely normal and you are most likely not the cause of all this commotion. It may seem as though this person isn't "in love" or "happy" with you anymore, but that is more often to not the case.

Although you make this person happy when you're around, it is inevitable to feel unsatisfied with all the other aspects in your life. You must remember that yes, you make this person happy, but you are not responsible for their EVERY happiness. That baby, is impractical. There could be a million things going wrong at one moment. You may not know what those things may be, but you feel as though you're not enough to satisfy their pain. It's true, you alone cannot, but only because there are many things a man or woman needs to be happy.

There are several things your significant other needs in order to be completely satisfied with their lives and themselves as individuals. Perhaps your partner feels inadequate at work, or isn't comfortable with their physicality. They may be going through a depressive state which is very common especially in young men and women. So much could possibly be the cause of this. Being with you feels good, but how can they possibly be happy when their life outside of the relationship is a wild mess? They may even begin to feel as though they're not giving you the love you deserve if they cannot love themselves first.

Every couple is different, and some relationships will choose to stay together and work through their struggles as a unit. Others must take a different course and part ways so that the other can heal in the world. 

  1. This is indeed a painful process, but one thing I remind myself is to love myself. I know how cliche that sounds, but it's honestly all you can do in instances such as this. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself and your mind. Don't deny your pain, but also don't let it get you down. If it's meant to be, it'll be (and I don't mean the new age country song.) Love can be beautiful, but you can't quite love somebody fully until you've learned yourself well enough. Sometimes, you're just not ready. You must go through the healing processes of inner turmoil first in order to be prepared. 
  2. Don't wait around for him to bounce back. You'll only be upset watching him out there in the world finding himself. Be glad he's happy, but also don't forget to make yourself happy too. 
  3. Do things you want to do. Get dolled up and go out with friends, get out your favorite movies and binge watch them, if you like to ride a board go out to the skate park. Get busy, and get things done. Be an independent individual and live.

One thing I used to tell my past significant other was, "I don't want to just be alive, I want to live." Live it out. It's the only life you have.

It's amazing how much a person needs to learn how to love. Some people's love has been damaged by someone else. It's a heartbreaking truth.

Maybe someday when your significant other has figured out themselves on their own, or painfully in discovering others, they'll come back stronger. If you're willing to give love a second shot, then give it a swing. Don't be upset if he/she doesn't ever bounce back. Just live your life and let true love come to you. 

Don't forget to love yourself before you love someone else, and keep in mind that if it's meant to be, it'll be. Just go with the flow that is life and wherever you choose to go, know that it'll all be alright someday. 

Formally,

McKayla Sillitoe

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