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Loving Someone in Prison

Locked up love.

By story of my lifePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
3
Locked up love

Many of us are here looking for support in others going through the same thing if not something similar. We all start with asking the same questions, how are we going to make it without him/her gone. We come to realize that it doesn't matter how long they are gone even if its months, years or even life – we have to all deal with the separation anxiety and that they were ripped out of our everyday life and being placed in a strange and scary place.

Patience is not just a virtue it's a necessity in a prison relationship. Patience with the person incarcerated, patience with the DOC/BOP and patience with the people around you who might not understand what you're going through. I never knew how much patience I had until I had to live this lifestyle myself.

Be sure to show your love on good days and bad days. I've always bottled up my feelings in our relationship but now that he is incarcerated we tell each other everything. Always be honest.

Since technology is so big nowadays we have J-pay or corr-links which is an emailing system to keep in contact with your loved ones. I always write him handwritten letters at least once a week. Getting a handwritten letter will mean so much to them! Hearing their name at mail call will surely make their day!

Always keep a notebook by you or by the phone. 15 minute phone calls go by fast when you have a lot to say. Throughout the day write what you would like to say to him/her that way you can discuss important topics you want to talk about. Inmates only get 300 minutes per month, 400 during November and December. Be sure to limit phone calls and add up minutes so they can last the whole month. Local phone calls are about 0.06 cents a minute, those 300 minutes would cost about 18$ per month. For long distance calls cost 0.21 cents per minute, those same 300 minutes would cost about $63 per month.

Another thing is to not overreact or overthink the situation if he doesn't call you as planned. One thing I've learned is to expect the unexpected. The facility that they are at might tend to go on lockdown at any given moment. Try not to overthink everything, you can always call the jail/prison and ask them what's going on.

Visit days are what keeps us strong! My fiancé is currently in a federal prison. Before you can visit you have to fill out a visiting form and mail it to the jail/prison and make sure they have you on his/her visiting list. Unfortunately my fiancé is located 6 hours away. Weekly visits aren't reasonable for us but be sure to think about how you can be there for them while you are also there for yourself. It's not reasonable to drop your social life in order to accept a phone call. You want to be supportive but be realistic too.

Dress code: Look on the DOC/BOP site to see what you can and cannot wear.

Me, personally I have never went through this before and I don't have any family members that are incarcerated so when my fiancé went in I was desperate for help. So I joined a support group/website called Strong Prison Wives; it has helped me tremendously! There is so much support, even Facebook live videos to help you understand more about incarceration and relationships.

Always be sure to take care of yourself. you may feel the urge to take care of him/her but you have to remember to take care of yourself also. Eat right, exercise, keep in touch with friends and family, go to family events etc. You might feel like nobody understands and start to isolate yourself. It might be hard going to social events or family events without your loved one. It's important to keep in touch with friends and family. Push through it and be strong, you got this!

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