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Loving You Is a Little Different

I don't like you a lot.

By senmialPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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Loving you’s a little different I don’t like you a lot

''All my dreams got more vivid when I stopped smoking pot

Nightmares got more vivid when I stopped smoking pot

Loving you’s a little different I don’t like you a lot

I mean…fuck''

- Frank Ocean 'Sunday'.

Let's focus on how I really don't like you a lot.

It's beginning to come off as somewhat sadistic or psychotic I'd say. Or at least that's what some people perceive it to be. The anger in me sometimes have no boundaries. Just this vast and humongous feeling of rage taking over. Taking over my mind, body and soul.

The positive side to this is that it tries to take over—keyword 'tries'. It tries to take control because it always forgets that I am the one in control. I take charge of whatever situation it may be. Whatever situation there is. It's my problem and I solve it.

The process of finding solutions to this obnoxious feeling is really really energy-draining and exhausting. Tough hurdles to jump, I tell you. Having to think about you all the time I feel that way. Having to understand that you are the cause of all these.

In all honesty, I can't put all that blame on you. It's partly my fault. Sometimes, I feel I think too much. Stressing over little things that don't even matter. Forgetting about my bigger problems only to fixate on the littlest troubles. Same way I'm drifting away from the gist of this conversation.

Now back to you; I feel like you are a massive pain in the ass. Why? Because your constant actions irritate me. Everything you say or do makes me angry. That still hasn't answered the question though. So why? Why this strong hate for you?

I don't know. I really have no idea why. I used to love you. I used to like your jokes. You were a little fun part of my life. But now I can't stand you. Everything about you is dull and bland. I'm so sorry I feel this way, especially because I have no good reason to. It really isn't your fault. It's just the way I'm wired. I love something this minute and the next minute I'd rather die than be around it. I can't love for too long. I don't feel what normal people feel.

I wish I could make things change. I wish I could make things better but sadly, I can't. I couldn't, even if I tried. It's just who I am. It's not who I am. I'm falling from grace and it breaks my heart real bad but I still wish you the very best. And I hope you wish the same for me for loving you is a little different and I still don’t like you a lot.

breakups
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About the Creator

senmial

There is nothing more satisfying than finding joy in who we are and become. I am a glass half-full person and a work in progress. Poetry is my means of CATHARSIS and Music is my THERAPY#ToLoveAndBeLoved

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