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When people are vulnerable and communicate freely, it is easier to forgive them. It is easier to work through things with them, it is easier to empathise with them, understand them, relate to them.
When we are caught up in the rawness of being hurt, when we use the energy from anger and reclaim our power after repressing it, suppressing it, rolling with the punches for the sake of an ‘easier’ life, we make enemies in the people who hurt us.
Once we have removed ourselves from the situation, there comes a time where we remember. It is a completely unattainable standard to hold ourselves to when we expect to walk away and not look back—and it is counterproductive to our healing. When we look back, we must embrace all feelings that come up. It is likely that we crave understanding in order to achieve closure rather than to relive the hurts.
If you have communication with that person who hurt you, coming at you from a place of vulnerability, it is easy to work through this and close the cycle. You have both had time and separation, you can now relate to each other from a reflective standpoint explaining both sides of the story with detachment, empathising with each other and seeing where miscommunications strained the connection.
This being said, you are entirely capable of gaining closure on your own, without communication.
Everyone is on their own path in life, with their own lessons to learn. It may be that you and the person you are needing to gain closure with needed each other to learn different lessons, hence the mistreatment or hurt.
Once you can see the reasoning behind what happened to you, you find yourself at peace with where you are.
If you are able to communicate with someone in order to gain closure, it is because both of your lessons came to completion and you are able to listen to each other. The soul contact has ended.
If you are not able to communicate with that person because you have ended your business with them and they are still working through lessons, you will be able to find peace within yourself.
That person taught you the lesson and although it may not be visible to the person who hurt you in that very moment, you taught that person something. You may have been the core subject of the lesson, you may have been a contributing factor to the lesson, but either way you impacted that person. You both had a valuable exchange.
Some things may be a mystery to you. Why people are the way they are, what happened to them, what shaped them to be that way. The main thing that will bring you peace is the knowledge that you were exactly what the other person needed at that point.
A parent who wasn’t great to you may have taught you to be independent and grow, to be compassionate and to forgive. In turn, you may have taught them to open their mind, understand more, there is another way to live.
An old family member or friend or ex who treated you wrongly may have pushed you to the point where you no longer have any contact. You can purge the excess negative emotion, then look back and see that they taught you to hold your own and not be so unhealthily codependent, jealous, and hard hearted. In turn you may have taught them to put themselves first, not give in to pressures, value themselves no mater what. There is peace that can come from learning the meaning behind it all.
Once you are freed of the emotion you feel, by feeling it, accepting it without judgement and integrating it, you can move on. You don’t have to learn to close your heart, you don’t have to accept negative thought patterns like “being nice gets you nowhere” or “can’t trust anyone.” It’s all part of a karmic cycle, and there is always something meaningful and profound to learn within these karmic cycles. When a karmic cycle comes to an end, you have passed the test and you are open to better.
Whether this means having a healthy relationship with the same person, or knowing what boundaries to enforce when moving on, what will be will be. Whatever is meant for you will play out exactly as it is supposed to, and as much as your faith is tested amongst the chaos there is always underlying stability.
There is always something so much better that can come from a bad situation, you just have to hold your own and grow.