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Have you ever loved someone so much that even after decades of not seeing them, you care about them just as much as you did when you were with them? I unfortunately know that kind of pain. To come across a love that deep is such a beautiful thing, but it’s a painful memory that you can’t scrape away. When we were together, the universe was determined to keep us apart. I now know why. I would have never traveled 2,500 miles and met my husband. My two beautiful girls wouldn’t exist, and my husband would still be living the toxic life he was in.
I don’t regret anything from my past, except my own actions. I just wish I would have known how short our lives together would be. As much as I wanted our moments to stretch if they could, I still hurt him when we were together. I was selfish and hurtful. I would have been a better person, but should of, could of, would of is irrelevant in the present. The past cannot change, but we sure as hell learn from it.
Now I stretch those moments as much as I can. I live in the moment. Not in the past or the future. I catch myself thinking about the people I no longer get to see every day, the people that were my whole life once, and it always brings a smile to my face. Even though our time together was brief, we had a lot of fun while it lasted, and I will never forget them.
I love my husband deeply and with a maturity that only deep love can have. He’s my best friend, and I know we are meant to be together. The universe went through a lot of trouble to make sure of it. After 11 years together so far, marriage, and children, I think we are in it for a while, which always puts a smile on my face. My husband is my number one, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him, regardless of my life before him.
The only thing that I can hope for is that, if you have ever been in love that much and it just didn’t work out, do not lose faith. We all have a twin soul out there; the other half that makes us whole. You will have your bumps in that relationship too, though. You may be made for each other, but you’re still an individual with different ideals, and lives that existed before each other. No love is easy, but the last love is worth it when you find that someone you can see yourself aging with; that person you can have a family with.
Mature love is the acceptance of everything that person is without prejudice or the will to want to change them. You love their flaws as much as their strengths. You wouldn’t want them to change who they are, and they wouldn’t want you to change. You push each other to be better, to excel your strengths, and not dwell on your weaknesses.
Now, even if you miss someone, don’t forget they are not in your present for a reason. Someone better awaits you. So, live in the moment! Experience everything you can, and if you haven’t met that forever person yet, you’ll probably meet them on your journey. Let yourself grow, and they’ll appear when the time is right. Remember to love yourself first, so you can love them when they get to you. For you cannot fully love if you do not love yourself. Life is short. Don’t forget to live.