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Meat Boy and High School Girl: My First Everything

'When I met him, it was the shock of a lifetime, which left waves in the future…' I thought I would never get over my first love.

By Prav SahlPublished 6 years ago 15 min read
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At the age of 16/17, I got my very first job working at a department store as a cashier. I was a quiet, happy-go-lucky girl with a loud voice who hadn’t experienced much of the world. I never spoke to those who I didn’t know, out of insecurity and self-consciousness. I didn’t have a lot of friends, but I had a few. So when I met him, it was the shock of a lifetime, which left waves in the future.

At the work, we had a batch of new people who had been hired to do renovations at the store and were now transitioning into store roles. My co-worker, who was standing next to me, was ready to gossip about the latest cute boys who were now working at our store. She gazed over at the frozen meats section, and pointed to a man lugging meat on a cart to the frozen aisle and said, “He’s cute…”

I looked away and looked back at her and replied, “Ew…he’s all sweaty.” I ruled him off as just another man that would never pay any attention to me.

Over the next few days, as my co-worker over-hyped this meat boy, I struggled and attempted to see what she saw in him. I examined him a little. That sounds psycho…now that I type this out. His hair was messy and dark, he was about 5’11”, his one eye seemed to droop more than the other, and his smile was completely contagious. He had a boyish charm and good looks to him. He was the loudest one in the room and people naturally gravitated towards him. None of these qualities drew me to him until I saw the way he made the people around him burst out into fits of giggles and conversation. I found it attractive.

I waited for the moment I could get him alone to make my first move and to make myself known to him. This was difficult. He was constantly surrounded by people and I knew he would never approach me first.

One day, I finally had my chance. His break had ended before mine and I had a half hour left. So when he began to walk across the hall to go back out on the floor of the store, I ran to do the same.

I racked my brain on a conversation starter and just watched as he walked in front of me, cracking his knuckles very loudly. Out of nervousness, I shouted the first thing that came to my head.

“That is disgusting, you’re going to get arthritis!”

He turned around, slowed his step and said, “that is a myth,” and proceeded to keep cracking his knuckles as I nervously carried the conversation on, stumbling over my words and mentally kicking myself.

The next day, we both worked a closing shift. Since there wasn’t much cashiering to do, I was to re-stock recovery items. A term used by the store to describe, re-stocking shelves with returned items from customer service. I noticed Meat Boy was out of the meat aisle and was re-stocking the school supplies. I quickly turned around, headed back to customer service, grabbing a bunch of returned school supplies and headed to the aisle he was in.

I helped him stock the shelves while I attempted to flirt with him. At one point I called him “hot,” which was something I had never ever said to a man’s face before. He made me feel as if my face was heating up to a billion degrees. My palms sweat and my heart raced. We ended up talking non-stop. I had spent so much time there with him, that I hadn’t even realized I had stayed a half hour over my shift.

Our friendship seemed to develop further, and our flirting became more and more apparent. He seemed to always be up at the cash register tills, picking up items for recovery to bring back to the meat department. He later told me this was on purpose to see me.

Then, one day, I got increased courage somehow. As he walked by to grab milk, a customer had left, I shouted from my place at the cash-till, ”I think you’re hot!”

He turned around, flashed a smile and said, ”I know.”

Our first date was nerve-racking, to say the least. Prior to Meat boy, I had only ever kissed one other boy, who I had never seen again after the one kiss. Meat boy picked me up in the afternoon in his car and we went to see a movie. My parents had no idea. After the movie, we ended up talking for what felt like hours! Being with him was just so comfortable and so natural, yet exhilarating. When he dropped me off at home, he pulled over a few houses away. Meat Boy leaned into my nervous, inexperienced lips, and planted a sweet kiss on them. Next thing I know, it had been 30 minutes and there was nothing but saliva everywhere from making out, and five missed calls from my parents.

Meat Boy and I ended up dating for about a year after our kiss. To say he was the love of my life is a mistake. He is the man I lost my virginity to, the man I experienced most of my firsts with, and the only person in the world who I believe really truly saw me for whom I really am. I can wholeheartedly say that I did have a lot of love for him.

This was the first of many heartbreaks I would come to experience.

What went wrong? Well, lots.

He and I both had aspects of our home lives that were a little difficult. We both experienced some trauma and sought salvation within each other. He would use humor to mask his pain, while I’d smile, laugh, and pretend to be happy all of the time. Perhaps this is what kept us together for as long as we did last. It was easy to talk to each other; we were each other‘s best friends. I guided him to make future beneficial decisions, and he saved me from friendships that were non-genuine and ultimately from myself.

I began to become a little embarrassed about dating him. There were people at work who found him obnoxious, and people who found me annoying, so any time they would ask if he was my boyfriend, I‘d say “no, we went out a few times,” or “we are just dating." I cared what people thought about him and me.

I then began to become a little intimidated by his friendship with another girl. Though he had said she was like his sister, it bothered me how he would ditch me from time to time to spend it with her. I tried to create a friendship with her, and that did not last at all. Instead, and I hate to admit this, but when Meat Boy and I broke up, I thought I could use her to get back with him somehow. This was a fail of course.

There was also the girl at work who had a huge crush on him that he had gone out with before he and I ever started. I attempted to befriend her, but she played mean girl with me. Ironically, after the breakup, this girl and I actually became very good friends. Till this day, we speak from time to time.

My jealousy began to translate into me picking fights with him and breaking up with him every so often over the phone, just to get his attention. I was thirsty for it. He would call back immediately, and we would be back together that second.

When I had his attention, I became annoyed by it. I began to hate little things he did for me that were perfectly sweet, all because I wasn’t completely 100 percent attracted to him anymore. I had loved the chase, but catching was not as thrilling. But he was so devoted to me and was the perfect boyfriend. This man, who lived a half hour away from me, would drive in the middle of the night to McDonald’s just because I asked for it. He would defend me in front of people who were less than kind, he would take care of me, and always took charge of situations and made sure I knew he loved me. So I stayed with him.

I began to notice other men who had their eyes on me. I flirted with other men, never to actually make a real move, but just for the thrill of it. It turned me on sexually when he was a little jealous. I liked watching how he would flare up angrily just to prove to me that I was his. I liked him showing me that I was his. I also accidentally ended up on dates on two occasions by mistake. (How that happened, I was naive and innocent, and thought these boys were my friends. When they tried to kiss me, only then it would hit me, this was a date. I backed off before anything could touch.) The more turmoil our relationship, endured, the hotter our sex life got.

I started spilling his secrets to my best friend, who had been in love with him, unbeknownst to myself at the time. The two of them became closer as I became the third wheel. I became closer to his friends and it got to a point where it seemed as if I was dating his best friend rather than him. It was a mess. His best friend, however, has remained a dear friend of mine, even after all these years. He was even vital when it came to getting over Meat Boy and ultimately helped me through the tough time.

Then things really got ugly. After a broken condom mishap, I began to freak out thinking I was pregnant. Meat Boy, who was now my boyfriend, even more so than me. I took a morning after pill and a pregnancy test. With relief, it was negative. This mishap was a blessing in disguise. It forced me to think about the future I was headed for with Meat Boy. After all, I was in grade 12 at this point, with no future plans, and Meat Boy was a year older than me with no idea of what he wanted to do with his life.

He ended up quitting the job at the department store and getting a job working for a delivery company. We saw each other at most three times a week now and were on the phone every day.

As my high school graduation and prom approached, I decided not to take him as my date. I told him I feared that we would break up, and I would have to remember the night I had spent with him…in honesty, some of my friendships at school were not the best. I did not want him to see how much of a loser I was at school.

I then began to not like the future that I saw with him. In my head, I would’ve ended up working a job in Social Work (which I actually liked), living in his parents' home, as the perfect wife. I started to feel hopeless when it came to the future. So, I began applying for fashion internships, other jobs, and to school for fashion. Something I had a passion for since I was a little girl. On one occasion, I attended an interview for a major fashion company and getting the job. My boyfriend (MeatBoy), who had come with me on one occasion, was confused as my brother. This comment resonated with me for years later. This was not the first time someone had confused us for siblings.

Depression and anxiety was something I‘d battled with all my life and was left completely untreated. Later in my life, I have sought treatment of course. I found myself in a vulnerable position when I stopped working out. I began to become increasingly insecure and started overeating. My boyfriend’s friends would call me fat on a daily basis so I took it upon myself and started working out every day. He in turns no matter what told me I was beautiful and that he was not with me because of my looks, but was with me for my heart. This man always made sure, no matter how insecure the world tried to make me, that he would be the one to build me up.

I started battling my depression and anxiety with sex. I became increasingly needy when it came to sex and he started to notice my intense drive and constant need for sexual pleasure (surprisingly, not a man’s dream come true.) I neglected his emotional needs and he started standing me up on dates. I was not thrilled.

The final straw came when I told him about a co-worker who had left work on the spot because I did not reciprocate his romantic feelings for me. The co-worker was a friend of Meat Boys. And that is when he told me on the phone that he wanted a break. I cried.

However, I did not give him a break. Instead, I called him every day, in tears asking and begging for forgiveness. He eventually gave in a week later. We gave it a go for a couple of days and then met up at a park on the weekend where we had our final break up. I knew in my heart, that he wasn’t the one for me. I knew he wasn’t the love of my life, though I did have a lot of love for him.

This was the longest breakup I had ever grieved. I cried for four months straight. I called him every day, begging for him to get back together with me. At one point, I even tried to make him feel sorry for me so he would feel guilty and come back! I wrote him a letter with MANY grave exaggerations and exhausted all of my friends with the amount I missed him and talked about him. I prayed to God every day that the woman he ends up with loves him with all her heart and treats him amazing because I knew I was the reason we had not worked out. Despite me knowing I was not in love with him, I wasn’t grieving the loss of Meat Boy as my boyfriend, but I was grieving the loss of Meat Boy as my best friend.

It was almost a year when I finally stopped crying. I had gone on rebound dates, started partying, was working a new job, had a new group of friends, was starting college and moving out for the first time. I put myself through therapy to deal with my depression and anxiety. The future was looking bright again!

Meat Boy remained on the back of my mind always. I knew from the second him and I had started to date, that he would be the man that set the tone for every other man in my life. He treated me so good, that I compared every man to him all throughout my life. Till this day there has only ever been 1 other man that has come close to measuring up. That, however, is a story for another day, stay tuned.

It took me five years to finally gain my closure from Meat Boy. My closure came in the most unexpected ways of all. Last August (2017), I was in an emotionally draining relationship. I needed answers, so I called Meat Boy. We had a long chat for about a couple of hours. He told me how he was now engaged to the love of his life and how he is so happy with her. He, now a man working in the trades, was making a good living. We reminisced about our days as silly teenagers. He ultimately inspired me to leave the man I was with at present time…which is a story for another day. Stay tuned.

The last time we had contact was this past February when we ran into each other at the mall. We talked and walked around for about ten minutes. It was so natural and it was so comfortable. It made me miss our friendship and it felt as if time had never passed.

They say you will never forget your first, and I can honestly say that I will never forget Meat Boy. Looking back on things, I wish I had treated Meat Boy the way he treated me. I regret every day that I spent flirting with other boys, trying to run away from our relationship, and neglecting him when I should have been there for him. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t learn the importance of honesty, respect, and being faithful to one another when in a relationship.

What I don’t regret is breaking up. I knew I was not in love with him, and it would’ve been much harder to stay with someone you are not in love with for both him and I. He was the best-est friend I ever had and I am so grateful that I got the pleasure of having Meat boy in my life for the short time I did.

breakups
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