Millennial Life Crisis

Recently I had a friend who went out on a bumble date before the travesty that was this date took place, this guy checked all the boxes. He was seriously attractive, knew how to keep the conversation going, and seemed to have a few good jokes going for him, but this was all viewed behind a screen. Unfortunately, she really got to know the real him on their IRL date.

To make it brief this dude was not so humble, blatantly bragging about his family’s net worth, his shoe collection that was comparable to Kayne’s, and lastly his over intensive workout routine. Oh and did I mention he made one too many insensitive and politically incorrect jokes. Following the laughable date that had just occurred, my friend questioned how this guy had been so deceivingly charming through his iPhone screen, but in reality turned out to be a douchebag who might as well been wearing an “I love haters” hat.

This story is all too common among millennials, whether it’s going on a date with someone who checked all the boxes and turned out to be an asshole, a not so welcomed catfish, or someone who had the idea that a hookup was included with the installation of the app.

Currently in the United States alone, of the 50 million single Americans, 49 million are active on one or more dating apps. It’s apparent that we have developed an obsession with dating apps, whether we are just looking for a quick hookup or a long-term relationship, dating apps have become the quick go to. Rather than going out to a bar and striking up awkwardly, drunken conversation with someone we can barely see in dim lighting, we download Tinder and update our profile pictures. Unarguably the millennial generation has created waves in the way of dating, swiping right every chance we get.

Personally, I have met some amazing people through Tinder and Bumble, people who became just friends, and ones I actually developed feelings for. When I moved to a new city, Tinder acted as a great way for me to meet people in a place that was unknown to me. I tend to be a supporter of the growing presence of dating apps, but then I again I am starting to see the problem that lies beneath them.

A majority of my friends use dating apps, and some have even found long-term successful relationships with them. Now its, not the catfish stories I hear that cause concern for the use of these apps, but rather it’s our growing inability to carry on a conversation without being behind a screen.

Rather than hoping that we will meet someone through a meet-cute ….

Meet Cute: In film and television, a meet cute is a scene in which a future romantic couple meets for the first time.

We find ourselves being hopeful that our date’s profile pictures weren’t from 3 years ago. The scary reality is that the prominent presence these dating apps have in our lives, leave us far from experiencing a “meet cute” because we are too intoxicated with swiping right to notice the cute guy ordering coffee in front of us.

Research has proven that millennial undying attachment to our smart-phones has caused us to socialize substantially less than generations previous, leading us to have less sex, and struggle to form relationships outside of our screens. We are overwhelmed with isolation, and loneliness because rather than going out on actual dates, we never indulge in conversation past these apps. Our generation has forgotten what it was like live without these apps on our phones.

As I previously mentioned I have had friends meet long-term partners through these apps, but I also have many friends who have become serial daters, looking for their next fix. Now don’t get me wrong I believe as long as you are having fun on these dates there is nothing wrong jumping from date to date. However, I noticed a problem arose with myself while on these apps. Whenever I was lonely or going through a depressive episode I turned to these apps, to seek re-assurance on not only my appearance but as well as my personality. Along with myself repeating this pattern, I have noticed a majority of friends unknowingly doing the same.

Instead of exchanging a smile with the cute friendly stranger sitting next to me on the train, I avoid eye contact like the plague, if I’m behind a screen I find myself being witty and charming but this no longer translates into IRL. Once I noticed this I realized dating apps were no longer the right outlet for me, as they were partial to blame for my overwhelming inabilities to converse with someone in a real-life setting. I needed to separate myself from my screen, and readjust to meeting people in an organic setting, whether or not gin and tonic were involved. Forcing myself to delete these apps has allowed me to re-integrate into meeting people. I find myself being more comfortable and less likely to seek reassurance from people frequenting these apps.

It’s unavoidable that we live in a generation where a majority of us would give up a promotion at work if it meant we had to give up our smartphone. We compare how many matches per week, and screenshot conversations with someone we may possibly never meet. Debating whether his or her pictures meet our standards, we are reinforcing out shallow views with these apps, and restricting ourselves from meeting amazing people that peer around their screen every once and a while.

Tinder it’s not you, it’s me. It’s been fun while it lasted but I need a break for a while.