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Mind the Gap

How much is too much?

Can there be too large an age gap in a relationship between a boyfriend and girlfriend?

I ask for personal reasons because I am much older than my girlfriend and although we are happy, it’s our age gap that is brought up most by doubters. Personally, I think the argument over our age difference is as relevant as our height difference or eye colour difference. Though I am a foot taller and our eyes are different, that’s still not important.

"You are old enough to be her father" is one standard argument, again how is this relevant, or is the theory she sees me as a father figure. I have never felt paternal, though do feel protective. I know about her history and because I saw how she was treated as we worked together before becoming a couple. She allowed people to take advantage of her and always put other people’s feelings before her own.

We started as colleagues, then friends, and got closer over time. We got closer as time went on, some innocent messing around built to more and more. We never planned this and both are surprised but thankful we now live together. I haven’t said what our age difference is yet or what our ages are but will come to that in due course.

You often hear about rich old men having much younger spouses and read about celebrities with big age gaps. What do you think if you hear a big gap, does fame and fortune change the rules? Do you, for example, immediately think a young woman with a rich older man means the relationship is money based rather than love based?

I know in my case I am not rich or famous, I am just glad I must have something else. I feel lucky and surprised I am with such a beautiful young lady who wants to be with me. I am not creeping because she will read this because I have told her often how I feel. How I wake up in the night to check it's real, I keep looking at her across the room as I write as well.

I am sure we have both separately been told we could find partners our own age, but how is that any better for either of us? We have both been told we could be happier but that implies we can’t be happy now.

In case you were wondering, there is a 27-year age gap. If I said I was eighty and she was fifty-three, would that be any different to me being forty-seven and her twenty? The gap is the same either way. Hopefully we will one day be 80 and 53 but at the moment we are 47 and 20. We are happy and intend to stay that way for as long as possible.

Do you think we are doing anything wrong?

Do you feel the way I do if I had friends with the same difference?

I personally would only care for the friend’s happiness and health. I would want them to be the ones who made decisions on their relationship. Like me, I would expect them to listen to any advice from others and like me I would then expect them to decide for themselves.

My family’s rule with my relationships and my life in general is that they are happy if I am. I am very happy and plan to remain so. After years of putting others first, I have decided it’s my turn. Life’s too short to wait around and turn down opportunities. When we became close I could have decided we had too big an age gap, I could have worried what others would think, but neither registered at the time and hasn’t since.

So, if you have a chance for happiness and a future with someone, then age should come near last in consideration. Be happy and the rest will follow. Somewhere else on this site my girlfriend has written her version of this story and I hope she says the same things. Seize the day and any other applicable clichés apply. Don't wait for the person everyone thinks you should be with, be with the person you want to be with.

Dating sites give you the chance to set age ranges, height, weight etcetera but even then, you could end up with the wrong person or miss out. sometimes you just need to take the risk and hope you don't get it wrong. I tried dating sites and went on 2 dates with women older than me. Despite many questions filled in on the site, we weren't near compatible and managed 3 meetings in total. Take a risk and enjoy some happiness for yourself.

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