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Mirror, Mirror

A Not-So-Easy Place to Reflect

By Rebecca SchonebaumPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Mirror, Mirror

My mom used to always tell me that when I was annoyed with someone, or didn’t like someone, it was a reflection of the things I didn’t like about myself and an opportunity for growth. You can probably sense my dis-taste for this point of view, especially as an entitled teenager. I had more sass in my younger years, which is actually a little hard to believe. At times throughout my life, when I was feeling reflective, I would remember this and it would give me more grace and allowance for the people who were not my flavor.

Then something very normal but also profound happened this summer. I went on Bumble date. That’s the normal part. The profound part, was that I actually really liked the person I went out with. Like a lot. I was swept off my feet, imagining the possibilities, day dreaming, and getting excited. A feeling I had not felt in a very long time. It was like I met the person who had all the qualities that I desired in a partner. It was super fun!..… For like a week. And then nothing happened. I soon realized that this person wasn’t the person I made him out to be in my mind. And as much as I wanted to blame him, he actually never showed up for the “relationship” in the first place. He was aloof and barely interested in me. I had actually fabricated the entire week (or two) in my mind. I was looking at what I wanted something to be, instead of what it actually was. I was excited about a possibility that wasn’t there and I broke things off from a relationship that never existed. And the really funny thing is that I actually felt like I was going through the grief of a breakup. Fascinating that our very emotions are tied to how we perceive things, even if it’s incorrect. Meanwhile this person… literally did nothing. As this awareness flooded through me, I felt relief… and also sheer embarrassment. I mean what do people do when they are “in love”? They shout it off the rooftops. So now I had to go back and tell my friends that. No, never mind. My bad. Another soulmate false alarm.

This person still pops into my mind from time to time. But not because I’m dreaming of a life with them. It’s because the real profound moment wasn’t actually the realization that I had an embarrassing lapse of sanity. The real meat here was the lesson my mom lovingly told me 100 times. This person was undoubtedly a reflection of me, in the male form. Like uncanny. It was like a giant slap in the face from the Universe. I had been asking for awareness in the relationship (romantic and other) area of my life. I knew that I was the common denominator among these experiences, I just couldn’t quite make changes.

Then, I was presented with the gift of a giant mirror to not only see, but experience for myself, how I was showing up in the world. It wasn’t bad, it was just not who I wanted to be anymore. It was the information I required to move very fast into the next area of my life. And the lesson that I previously missed from my mom’s advice, was that it NEVER has anything to do with the other person. But the information we require to make changes in our lives is always being shown to us in different ways. It’s just whether or not you’re willing to look at it, even if it’s ugly and embarrassing.

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About the Creator

Rebecca Schonebaum

Writer. Awareness Junkie. Pusher of Buttons.

www.heyrebecca.net

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