There are many misconceptions that straight people have about the way LGBTQIA love works. I ought to know, I'm proudly pansexual and have dated every gender out there. Few kinds of relationships spark as many assumptions and misconceptions as girl-girl relationships.
Speaking as someone who's dated women and who has many lesbian friends, I'm pretty tired of hearing all the misconceptions about lesbian relationships floating around in society. So, I feel like this article is necessary — if only to clear things up. Have you fallen for one of these myths?
There's always a "man" and a "woman" in a lesbian relationship.
Admittedly, there's a lot of lesbian relationships that are somewhat like this. When I was with my last girlfriend, she called me "sir" and she was my beautiful femme. However, one of the biggest misconceptions about lesbian relationships is that this is always the rule.
A lot of lesbian relationships have two "femme" girls, or two "butch" girls. There's never really a cookie cutter look to a lesbian couple, primarily because there's no such thing as a cookie cutter lesbian. The only thing that's always true about lesbians in relationships is that they are partners — that's it.
Lesbians hate men.
No, this is not true — for the most part. Most lesbians have a lot of male friends. It's just, you know, they don't want to sleep with those guys. Hate and disinterest aren't the same thing.
Lesbian relationships are a lot like what you see in porn.
This is one of the only misconceptions about lesbian relationships that has been actively propagated by the porn industry. It's understandable why porn shows lesbianism in such a misogynist and fake way, though; they're selling a fantasy.
Lesbian relationships aren't always that sexy. It's literally just like any other relationship out there. Yes, there's romance and love-making but there's also a lot of talk about paying bills and watching reruns of The Office late night.
Believe it or not, there are some lesbian relationships which involve almost no sex whatsoever. It is possible, for example, to be asexual but lesbian-romantic. So in these cases, while you don't experience sexual attraction to your romantic partner, you might still be in a lesbian relationship with them.
It's a phase, or it's a choice.
Everyone who falls under the LGBTQIA umbrella has heard this at least once — and therefore, yeah, this myth also falls under misconceptions about lesbian relationships, too. You cannot help being queer any more than you can help what color eyes you were born with.
Butch lesbians want to be men, feminine lesbians are actually bisexual.
This is one of the more aggravating myths that grinds my gears. A lot of lesbians happen to enjoy the "butch" look, but that doesn't mean they want to be men. If they want to be men, they would identify as a transman and would likely look into transitioning.
Likewise, it's very possible for a feminine lesbian to be a (gasp!) lesbian rather than a bisexual trying to sound edgy.
If you are confused about gender or sexual identities, please refer to this guide on sexual identity flags to help you learn all the differences between the labels you might be unfairly slapping on people.
All lesbians are about oral sex, and are great at it.
Wrong! It's actually pretty shocking how many misconceptions about lesbian relationships deal with sex. The oral sex trope, though, is one of the most pervasive. (Heck, it was even made fun of in Cow and Chicken.)
While most lesbians do enjoy oral sex, the truth is that there are a lot of women in lesbian relationships that just don't get into oral. Additionally, sexual orientation does not denote sexual skill.
Sometimes, lesbians want to be penetrated. Other times, it's more about oral sex. Believe it or not, there's a million ways to have lesbian sex, and not all of them involve mouths.
Lesbian relationships happen because the women "can't get men."
For the life of me, I don't understand how some misconceptions about lesbian relationships could stay alive in a forward-thinking society. This is one of those misconceptions that shouldn't exist now — and should never have existed in the first place.
Yes, it's possible for women to like each other more than they like men. Lesbians are not rejects, nor are bisexuals or pansexuals who choose women over men. Obviously, when guys say this, it's a case of a fragile male ego run amok.
Lesbian relationships are commitment-crazy.
Ugh, I've heard this a million times. It's one of the biggest misconceptions about lesbian relationships out there, and it's also one that tends to make ladies look bad. There's this idea that girls will commit almost instantly, and the truth is that's not always the case.
There's actually a good amount of women out there who are totally not into relationships at all. So, if you think that being noncommittal is just a guy's thing, think again. Girls can be that way, too.