Missing My Best Friend

With 23 days until graduation, there's a number of things running through my mind. From corsages, to my weight, to grad gifts and hair appointments, there's only one thing that presses me to the point where I genuinely want to cry.

I'm going to miss my best friend.

Going to a boarding school in the middle of nowhere has given me so much — valuable lessons, a second family, so many new experiences that I wouldn't have ever had at home. There's been so many times I've wished that I would have just attended a public schooled, stayed home with my family, and had the freedom of the regular Canadian high school girl.

I took a different route, and because of it I've meet people from all over my province, country, and in some cases, the world. One of those people turned into my best friend. It took us two years to even have a full conversation, it took us too long to realize how perfectly we go together, but we've made enough memories throughout 11th and 12th grade that it doesn't even feel like we wasted much time.

She had a two minute walk to school while I had a two hour drive. Her home has become an open door, a place to go when being in the dorms felt more like being trapped than being home.

It's not like we don't have all summer to hangout. Two hours is a short commute to spend time with someone you have the most fun with. After that, though, I'll be flying halfway across the country to attend the University of Ottawa, and she'll be staying back in Saskatchewan.

What scares me is the idea that we may grow apart, that not seeing each other every single day will sever our friendship. I'm sure someone out there is thinking that if that happens, it's not a real friendship, or that lack of talking and over 2000 kilometers between us won't pull apart a solid friendship. Our friendship is everything, it's real and it's strong, but that won't stop me from missing every part of being together.

Already I miss the jokes, often at the expense of each other. The play fighting, the weird looks. Being judged together, judging other people together. Sharing tears, comforting each other. Making stupid videos, asking everyone to take photos of us, then asking again because we look bad. There is an endless list of memories that never fail to bring a smile to my face.

Then returns the worry. Am I going to be okay? Of course, I'll make new friends, have new teammates, I won't breakdown socially. Still, I won't have her, the person who knows all my secrets, knows all my flaws but chooses to stand by me, one who knows how to cheer me up in every and any situation. How about her? Will she be able to do the same? Will she replace me?

I don't want to be a memory, someone she thinks of on occasion. I still want to be a relevant part of her life, and I want her to continue to be in mine. I'm not ready to let go.

I won't be able to hug her, or punch her on the arm, or move away from her weird taps on the arm while she's laughing.

I won't get to see her everyday, we won't have the quick laugh and burst of excitement when we show up to school somewhat matching.

We won't get to go to university together. We won't go to dorm parties, stay up late studying and eating snacks. We won't get to cruise around the city after midnight. We won't get to cheer on our school teams. We won't get to do all the college best friends things.

We won't get to do all the things we planned to before I decided to leave.

Part of me wishes I didn't change my mind, that I decided to stay in Regina so that we could continue to live life together. I know it would be so much fun.

I know it's not the wrong decision though, I know that I'm doing the right thing for me, and that everything is going to be okay.

Maybe I'm giving life too much credit, because between her and I, life isn't very fair, and it doesn't care about your feelings.

Regardless of what life says, I'm saying this now.

I love my best friend, and everything that happens from this point on is going to be for a reason.