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Missing someone who doesn’t miss you is worse than holding onto a grudge. I can get over disliking someone and how they hurt me. In fact, I did get over it, but what I am struggling with is learning to stop missing someone who is not missing me back and who definitely doesn’t deserve to be missed by me.
I think after caring and loving someone so much, it is hard to stop, if at all in your life. The worst part of the break up is the after effects, but this is where reality and distraction come into play. The more you distract yourself the easier it may be to deal with. For me, this tactic does not always work, rarely in fact. It also doesn’t help when the distraction you try to do like being around family and friends, someone has to bring up the other person and fill you in on their life. As my mother always told me, “misery loves company” and it makes sense. Those people throwing the past and future of him up into my face, they don’t have much going for them. That is why it is important to surround yourself with the positive friends and family. You don’t need or want the others negative energy when you are trying to overcome this and grow as a person. Don’t try going on expensive vacations or jumping into another relationship. These things will only make you feel worse, at least for me. It was always in the back of my mind how they should be there with me.
The reality part can be as painful as just missing them, but this is when the mind comes to the realization about the situation and can be very beneficial. For example when you get those “missing him” feelings remember these things:
- Is he missing you? Probably not if you are asking yourself that question.
- How did he treat you in the relationship? 8/10 relationships fail because of the lack of communication, which means he did not listen to your wants or needs.
- If he didn’t have a concern about your wants and concerns, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t care about what you want anyway?
- Ask yourself, “If he came back, would I even want him back as the same person?” In the end, people usually don’t change. He might perceive himself as a “changed man” but give it another six months to a year and he will fall back right into his old ways once he realizes he has you back. Who wouldn’t love to have someone in their life to take advantage of whenever its convenient for them?
- Lastly, remember how far you have come since it ended and respect yourself enough to move on and be with someone who would give you the world.
How is it possible to miss someone when most the memories of them are flooded with pain? The brain takes over and asks, “Am I so screwed up that I actually long to be back in that cycle of destruction?” We miss people we “shouldn’t” miss because we want to know if maybe someday they would’ve been better, loved us like we loved them, showed they care the way we wanted them to. We have to learn and accept that not everyone can give us back what we give them, and that is too true. It’s important to remember that missing someone who hurt you does not make you a masochist. It only means that your love was too big for them to hold. Remember. Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. Whether you see it yet or not, the relationship has taught you valuable lessons.