Monthly Men

To really understand why I started Monthly Men we have to go back to November. Not November 2017 or 2016 but Mr. November 2015. The Ex.

I had just gotten back from an around the world trip. Four months in Germany, four months in Kenya and a few weeks traveling around Europe. It was an amazing trip, but my story isn’t about those amazing months abroad. It’s about the sheer depression and lost feelings that occur when you come back.

When I got back, all my friends were still in college around the USA. I had this amazing plan. I was going to work my ass off and go to school at a real university in Texas. Everything was set up until I got the bill. I had no money because I had spent it all on my gap year. So my dreams of four year college right after my trip were gone. So settling I took a chance on a little community college.

I got a job as a janitor at a gym, I went to community college, lived with my parents, and had no friends. Let’s just say I wasn’t very happy at the time. Not only that, but I was a late bloomer. Before I had even my first kiss I had traveled the world. I felt unwanted, with no place. Basically, I was living the dream.

I started school in August and a big part of my family is going to church. So I went to church with them, joined a small group. That’s where I met MN2015. Nice enough, a weird dresser, and thought I was way cooler then anyone he had talked to before. May I note he was 23 and I was 19.

I thought for a while. I talked to my parents about it. I think they were more excited that I wasn’t staying in my room so they definitely made it clear they wanted me to say yes. So I said yes. I really don’t think he or I really liked each other but were lonely enough to give it a try. We dated for three months I hadn’t plenty of firsts with him. I just never felt like I really liked him until he was about to break up with me.

You see, it takes me awhile to feel anything for anyone. So usually people are losing interest when I am just starting. He broke up with me for a plethora of reasons. Honestly, I was a shitty girlfriend to him and he was a shitty boyfriend to me. When we broke up I was pissed. This guy who was a complete loser, not a good dresser, and lived with his parents (even though I did too, I feel I got a pass because I was 19) had just FUCKING dumped me. All while I was just about to like him. I was pissed.

Of course when we broke up the whole small group where I had made friends were weird around me. So I still was in community college, no friends, as a janitor, and not even weird church people liked me anymore, or my weird ex-boyfriend.

So I got more depressed. At least I had my parents right? Wrong with in 6 months of my ex and I’s split, my parents left. Which always happens. Nothing wrong with my parents leaving — they always do that. Almost every two or four years they move to a new state. So they decide to move. I’m still in community college and I can’t get in state tuition anywhere other then my state. So I stay and get my own apartment. At this point, I was 20 and had only been on a date with one person since my split, which happened to be with a guy who got fired from a teaching job for sleeping with a student. Again this guy was older — 27. We met at a car dealership.

So there I was I finally got an apartment, and wait for it... got a new JOB!! I was a Customer service person for a call center. Still better then cleaning toilets. It was October 2016 and I was on my own. Completely. Nothing but the job was looking up — still no friends, no church, community college, no family, no boy.

I was tired, tired of trying everything, everything right and getting no where. Even the guys who were really nice at the beginning turned weird. So I gave up. I gave up trying all together. And that’s when I met Mr.November — the real Mr. November who started me to the road of recovery.