Moving Away From the Timeline

Dating is a practice that is often referred to as a timeline. You meet, you become friends, you ask each other on a date, you wait until the second or third date to kiss, you don't say I love you until about six months, no sex for about a year, don't move in or get engaged until at least a year and a half or two, but likely more. However, with the '60s came the start of hook-up culture as we know it today, as people became more willing to have sex outside of committed relationships. Starting in the 2000s, technology began slowly changing the way we view dating and hooking up dramatically.

With all this in mind, many people look at the state of dating culture today with dismay, thinking that dating as they once knew it is dead. However, it is not that dating as they knew it is dead, but rather than it has evolved with the times. As more and more freedoms are allowed in society, especially in regards to women, it makes sense that hook-up culture would grow in relation to this. No longer are women forced into the role of housewife without question. Instead, they are given freedoms on par with men, including sexual ones.

Many critics argue that hook-up culture takes away from dating culture. As young men and women are "spreading their wild oats," they focus more on who they will sleep with tonight then who they will potentially be dating. While I do agree this is true to some extent, I challenge these people to see the way in which hook-up culture represents the strides we have made as a society. One hundred years ago, women wouldn't have been able to have premarital sex like this without being disowned or ostracized by her social class. The change demonstrates the changes and evolution of society as we know it.

Furthermore, America is a society build on the concept of individualism and freedom of self. The ability to hook-up with whoever you want is a perfect fit within that context. Men and women have the ability to choose what they want to do and who they want to be with. Plus, plenty of lasting relationships can be based on hook-ups; mine was. They aren't all emotionless encounters, but can truly be meaningful to all parties involved. Just because you may not be into it personally, doesn't mean you have the right to judge others for their decisions.

Similarly, as technology has evolved, so has the way technology and dating work hand in hand. People can meet someone online and end up dating them without even meeting them. Someone can keep in touch with their partner who is traveling abroad in minutes, rather than waiting weeks for a letter that may eventually just end up lost in the mail. The evolution of dating sites has made it possible for those interested in finding someone who may be hundreds of miles away. After all, who says your one true love is going to live in the same town as you? How may billion people are there on this earth and you are supposed to find someone in person to date? Those odds seem a little small.

One of the largest issues people have with this evolution is that it makes dating more impersonal. However, I would like to argue this point. I think the combination of technology with dating can make the practice of dating more personal. If you are only able to talk to your partner online, much of the focus will be on getting to know them. You will find out the little things about them that you may not have found out until months later.

Technology has the ability to bring people emotionally closer together, something that is not recognized nearly enough. When my girlfriend was abroad, technology gave us the chance to talk multiple times a day and grow in our relationship, which began while she was in Europe. We probably wouldn't have ended up together, and definitely wouldn't have formed such a strong bond, without the help of technology.

Yes, the culture of dating has changed. But that is not automatically a negative thing. Society changes, and aspects of society evolve alongside it. Just because it is different than the way you may have dated, doesn't mean it ruins dating culture. Likewise, if it isn't for you, there is nothing wrong with returning to a more traditional model of dating. So long as each individual is doing what they enjoy, that is all that should matter.