Moving On

I heard it all; "you guys were too young." You were, "way too naïve." And of course, "there's plenty more fish in the sea." Yuuuuuuuup, this is all very logical. I'm 22, I still have A LOT of learning left to do. Yes, of course, there WILL be someone other than you, & I'm fine with this now. Even so, what I do know is that: my age, nor my lack of knowledge about "love and life," or the fact that I know there will be someone else have nothing to do with how we actually felt about each other and that what we had was damn real.

It became real when we knew each other better then we knew ourselves. It became real when each other's happiness mattered more than our own, and we would do our damnedest to make it happen, no matter the cost. It was real because, together, we'd never felt more alive or more connected to a human being. It all mattered. Every. single. little thing; the little sweet whispers at night, the giggles, the deep talks that had us falling harder for each other with every word that was spoken, catching you looking at me (and vice versa of course), every single place we went; we were so infatuated with each other. The simplest things were the happiest. Netflix and naps, making food together (or trying to. We weren't the best at that). We were best friends. We were always there for each other, once again, no matter the cost.

We thought we were the only two people on the planet who understood each other, and sometimes, I'm really scared we were right.

I blamed you at first. It was so much easier that way. Easier to say YOU slowly started to not care. YOU started dumb arguments. The communication faded until YOU made us become strangers... That is true, in a way. What I never could really admit, though, was that it was me, too. I realize now we were young. We were naïve and CRAZY about each other. And I wasn't always so easy to deal with, either. As I'm a little older now and have gained (some) life experience, I realize how many "dumb fights" I could've tried harder to avoid, how many times we both lacked on communication and I could've tried more (you too), and how many times before really calling it quits that we tried to walk away from each other but kept running right back. This. was. so. toxic. For both of us. Then again, maybe it's that "right person, wrong time" thing, if that actually exists.

This isn't some regret post, though. I could never regret you. This is a come to terms post. I loved you, so much. You were my person; my happy place. And you loved me, too. We tried, but there was just too much. And maybe they were all right. We were too young to be mature enough, too naïve to actually figure it out, and yes, we will both move on at some point. But it was still real. You cracked my heart, but somehow managed to make me a new, much better soul. I see things differently, learned to think before I speak (or yell), ways to cope with my anxiety, to be more open and compassionate, and to put in the effort needed, all the time. You made me a better woman. In loving you, I learned that true happiness and love is real, it's strong, it's magical. In losing you, I learned how deep pain can go, how emotional pain can make you physically ache. In learning my own faults to you, I know the woman I really want to become for the man, for the love, I deserve. My actual person. My forever happy place.

I hope that in some way I did that for you, too. I hope we both find a similar happiness to ours, just one that is a thousand times greater. Thank you for being that happy place for me; my comfort zone. Thank you for all that you've taught me along the way. Thank you for the memories that will always be special, and thank you for taking care of me when I NEEDED you. Lastly, we both deserve complete, wholehearted happiness. Make sure you find it.