Moving On After a Breakup

We all go through it sooner or later. The dreaded breakup. It doesn't matter if you are the dumper or the one being dumped because it's still going to suck. The only thing you can try to do is make it suck less.

In reality, the phrase, "This will hurt me just as much as it will hurt you," is bullshit. The dumper always has the advantage because this is what they wanted, but if they care enough, they will break it off in a way that can make it easier on the one that is being dumped. Here are some things to keep in mind when you are ready to end that relationship:

Never leave them hanging.

It is so much harder for someone to accept a breakup if they don't know what they did wrong or why you chose not to see them anymore. Ignoring phone calls or texts is just plain rude. They need closure. They need to know why.

Tell them face to face.

Don't be a coward. Breaking up in a text message or e-mail is lame. Feelings cannot be understood through a text. Talking face to face allows each person the chance to be heard and understood.

Leave the breakup off social media.

I have seen this so many times before. A couple breaks up and for some reason, they think everyone needs to hear about it. We don't want to hear about it! You will never find someone else who wants to date you if you bash previous relationships on social media.

Do not suggest that you can still be friends.

If they wanted to be "just friends," they wouldn't have dated you in the first place. Don't even go there. You can't just put someone in the friend zone immediately after breaking up. They don't want to see you hook up with others while wondering why they weren't good enough for you. Over time, when you have both had time on your own, a friendship is very possible as long as the breakup was respectful and not hurtful.

An end to a relationship that had strong feelings involved can be very damaging to the soul. It hurts a lot. It can cause depression, anxiety, isolation, and mood swings. It is most damaging to those that wanted the relationship to last and had their whole heart invested into making it work. Although, there is no way to make it a painless experience, here are some tips to make it suck less:

Don't keep your emotions bottled up.

Talk to the people that you can trust the most. Having someone to talk to is great therapy. It gives you the opportunity to vent and helps you to let go of some of those emotions you have inside of you.

Cry it out.

Crying is not a sign of weakness. It relieves stress and cleanses you. You will feel rejuvenated after letting it out.

Don't hold out for a reunion.

There are many cases where couples do get back together after spending time apart. We see it all the time, but the worst thing you can do is to stop your life in hopes that they will change their mind and come back. Hope can be a good thing, but it can also let us down. The best thing to do for yourself is to accept the way things are and continue on with your life. Things have a way of working out the way they are meant to and not always how we want them to. The last thing you want to do is set yourself up for another heartbreak.

Take it slow.

Rebounds are never a good idea. You may think that if you hook up with someone else right away, it will make you forget, but it doesn't. All of the emotions are still there that you have just temporarily pushed aside. You will just end up feeling guilty once you realize your heart isn't ready.

Leave the breakup off social media.

You don't want people to know how vulnerable you are. You may think someone is being sincere when all they want to do is cause you more stress. Breaking up is stressful enough. You don't need a whole bunch of people putting their two cents in. Keeping it private will save you from drama.

Focus on YOU.

Continue to do the things you loved to do before the breakup. Don't ever stop doing things that make you happy. You will find that staying focused keeps the mind from wandering. It will also help you to remember that just because things are different, they don't have to change your life.

It doesn't matter how your relationship ended or how much of your time and heart were invested in it because it all gets better with time. As long as you keep moving forward, your broken heart will find its way back together.