Humans logo

My Apology for Blaming It All on You

It was both of us or it was neither of us.

By Ginny TaylorPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
1

I struggle almost every time I message you with trying not say anything that crosses any lines and ending up making you feel uncomfortable or anxious. I also worry about sharing my feelings because I fear it leaves me vulnerable again. So most of the time I just keep my feelings and thoughts to myself. But tonight, I just felt like I needed you to know some things.

Over the last 5 weeks, since we've been apart, I've went through every emotion I can think of. I'm sure you have as well. Emotions I didnt even know existed.

I often wonder what you're thinking or feeling at this point in our breakup. If you still miss me every day. If you still have struggles with wanting me back in your life again. Which version (sweet G or crazy brokenhearted G) of me stands out in your mind the most.

Each day is healing. Well most days. Just when I think I'm fine, it will all hit me again out of nowhere and I will burst into tears uncontrollably. But I wipe them away and move on. I have more good days than bad now. And believe me, it's not because I love you any less than I once did.

I was scared of tears and scared of crying in the beginning. Crying represented pain to me. But I've learned how healing it can be too.

I'm come to some tough realizations about myself over these last 5 weeks. At first i wanted to blame it all on you. You already know that I did.

I won't go into all the thoughts and feelings behind what has led me to think so differently now but I just wanted you to know that I no longer blame you and havent for awhile now. In fact, I envy you and your courage. I can't imagine what an incredibly huge struggle that had to be for you. I even understand why you felt you had to.

If you hadn't have been so strong Daniel, we would have gotten right back together and had to deal with a breakup sooner or later anyway. We had too many challenges that made us not work, at least not at this point in our lives. We wanted it so badly, we ignored the obvious. We thought love was enough. It was naive thinking.

You saw what I didn't want to see or admit. You acted on it as soon as you realized. You remained strong, even when you were weak. You knew you had to to keep me from being hurt worse.

I truly admire and respect you. I'm sorry for putting you in a situation you've never had to deal with before. But I'm glad we went through this together.

You were brought into my life for a reason and I into yours. We might not ever know the reason but if nothing else, we gained memories to last forever. We gained genuine love and hopefully a lifelong friend. We've learned so much as well.

The time we spent together was the happiest time of my life. I'd do it all again just to share that with you. I will always cherish the memories we created together, Daniel. The kindness and gentleness you showed towards me. You accepted all my flaws and loved me for the person I was. I even forgive you for the promises you had to break because I know you meant every single one when you made them.

I know you never wanted to or meant to hurt me and that knowledge has been so healing for me. I will always love you. I will always be here for you. Maybe one day, it will feel like the right time for us. Or maybe not. Either way it goes, I'll always consider you a dear friend.

God, how I miss you.

breakups
1

About the Creator

Ginny Taylor

I'm just a broken girl with a big heart that's been smashed to pieces. Trying to heal and put myself back together. Only problem is, there are pieces missing.

I love to write. It's helped me more than anything. Oh, and music.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.