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My Best Friend Was a Fairy Tale

And She Taught Me Some Grimm Lessons

By Kayleigh LynnePublished 6 years ago 8 min read
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Blessed are those that can forget- they truly don't know the luck they have.

"I never want to hear from you again."

"Simply put: Our friendship is over."

"I wish you the best in your future endeavors and hope you live a happy life. Just stay out of mine."

There was more on her text message, but those are the three that ruminate through my mind. They mix themselves in with the times that we were driving in the car and adventuring to random places. We even ended up in a state two hours away once. That memory is now tainted by the words on her text.

She said that she could sit and spew hateful things to me but that's not the type of person she is. That cut straight to the bone. It almost made me want to find a razor to cut straight through to the bone, just like she did to me. It was my birthday. I told her my wish wasn't to hear from her but for her to live the happy life that she deserves, and I meant it. I didn't want to hear from her, but I guess the fates had other plans.

I saw her name in my new texts and got excited. I had a shred of hope that maybe something that I said in my letter had resonated with her and I selfishly wished for her reply to be a birthday wish, telling me that things were going to be okay and that we could work through whatever it was that ended our friendship. I opened the message and with the first line being, "I never want to hear from you again," my heart sank. My stomach felt like it was closing in on itself and like I should vomit.

I choked down the rising bile, trying not to show any emotion; my mother, aunt, three coworkers, and my boss were all in the room. I couldn't allow them to see it. We had too much work to do. I knew better than to read the rest of the text, but we've all been there—knowing that something was going to be painful, but we continued, walking straight into it. I continued the message and let every word she said sink in. She said that she had hateful things that she could spew at me but that's not how she is. She said she wasn't going to sugarcoat it for me either. "Simply put: Our friendship is over."

I felt myself shaking but had to continue after that. There was nothing quite as hurtful after that, merely the standard, "I'm blocking you from my phone, my boyfriend's phone, and on every social media platform." Then followed with the comment about, "I wish you a happy life. Just stay out of mine." I stared at that message for a long time. It felt like the room was spinning.

You know how people say that when your life ends that you'll see every moment flash in front of you? You'll see your life flash before your eyes. Maybe that's true for the life of a friendship—no—a sisterhood, as well. I didn't see my entire life, but I saw everything from the text of the man that was our mutual friend asking me to rescue you and give you a place to stay, my first message to you, the first time I met you, picking you up from their place to come to your new home. I didn't see everything through the rose colored glasses. I saw the day that the "vampire" and I drove you to the mall with all your belongings, and left you there during a snowstorm with nowhere to go. I saw the time that guy we found off Craigslist came to pick you up, and then drop you off at my house a couple days later. The time we moved you in and out of people's houses because things weren't going well in mine. No, I didn't only see the good, but I saw the friendship. I saw us sitting on the couch at Thanksgiving at my uncle's house. He didn't want you to come but mom and I fought and brought you with.

I saw you at Christmas sitting next to me opening gifts. My stepdad and brother didn't want you to come, but mom and I fought to bring you with. They thought that you had a dark heart. One of my uncles was infatuated with you, but it was from a psychological perspective. Like my mom and I, he wanted to save you. He thought that if we showed you love and showed you a family, that you would stay and the darkness would leave.

It was wrong of us to want to change who you are. It was wrong of us to want to change what's in your heart and we should have accepted that it was there for a reason. My mom believes that you intentionally waited until the specific time that you did to send that message because you know my thoughts get stuck and that it would ruin my entire birthday. You knew that I would be out with my mother and you were always jealous of the relationship that I have with her because you never had that with your mother and you always called my mother "mommy."

She saw your dark heart and wanted to give you a family. My uncle saw it and wanted to give you a family. I saw it and wanted to give you a sister. We wanted to show you that there's still good in the world. I've read through the letter I sent you and your response over and over again. I realized that what I sent you was just me trying to calm your spirit. I was trying again to show you care and love because looking back, that letter wasn't accurate. I drove you around on days you said you didn't want to use the bus. I drove my small car through ice to get you home when you had to walk everywhere. I drove a breaking down car to the hospital and sat with you, being the one to hold your hand through your labor, through the emergency c-section at 3 in the morning, to seeing the baby. I dropped everything for those three days to stay in the hospital with you so you wouldn't have to be by yourself when he never showed up.

I never put you in second place. I always tried to calm your jealousy when I was out with other friends or even admitting that I had other friends. I listened to you and gave you the best advice that I could about your relationship while you were repeatedly telling me how unhappy you were with him, and even offered you a house to move back into, because you expressed your unhappiness.

Things would start with me giving vague talks about my situations, but you, you were the one we ended up talking about every time. I told you that it was me, but we both know it wasn't. You would come over, drink as much alcohol as you could, and then leave with a lame excuse to go back home to him- after telling me how unhappy you were with him or crying about your resentment towards him for giving up your child and telling me that all you ever wanted in life was to be a mother.

I would hug you, comfort you, clean up your vomit, and wake up to you gone. You would either Uber home or walk home in the pitch black night. I would wake up and check the spare bed and the futon, noticing you'd left your alcohol but that all of your other belongings were gone. I would have knots in my stomach until I heard from you, or saw a post from you to know that you were safe. Then I would finally be able to relax for the day and get things done.

Our last conversation was almost a month ago. I just started trying to get conversations going on my business facebook page so that I could get some more interaction. I asked if you could comment, start a conversation, and you said yes. Then you never did comment. I said thank you thinking that meant that you would do it later. That night in a panic attack I came to you and apologized for asking so much of you. I didn't expect you to heal me, but I didn't expect that to be the last night that I actually heard from you.

The next day I saw your post about holding back for toxic people and how they're only self serving. I knew that it was about me instantly. My mother saw it as well and she pointed it out. I tried a few times to message you there. Offered to take you to something I knew you would enjoy. I asked if you were still planning on going to a show that you bought a ticket for. I asked if we could just TALK about the post. I saw that you were reading them all with no response.

I stopped after a couple days and then realized that you blocked me. Then a couple days later you unblocked me, your profile was available to see publicly, but the messages were blocked. I waited, hoping that you would send me something, anything. I knew that you wouldn't but had the foolish hope that maybe things would be alright like they were every other time.

I waited some time before writing that letter and blaming myself. That was when I was still seeing our memories through the nostalgia filter. They were beautiful that way. After your texts yesterday I saw everything; the good and the bad. Now all I have to say to you? Good riddance. Don't come crawling back to me if things go awry. You taught me some lessons; not everything is what it seems, sometimes words hold no merit, family doesn't mean forever, and you cannot cure a dark heart. As you said to me earlier, "I wish you luck in all your future endeavors and a happy life. Just stay out of mine."

friendship
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About the Creator

Kayleigh Lynne

I'm just a girl, still trying to get things figured out. I'm opinionated, strong, weak, a lover, a fighter, a survivor, a warrior, and most of all, I've broken the old me, and become someone better. I'm here to tell my stories.

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