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My Boyfriend Is Still Married

It's so hard to be with a man who is still married.

Relationships are never easy to begin with, but it's even harder when the person you are with is still married. Now, before thinking I'm the dirty mistress, hear me out. This is not the typical situation of the secretary sleeping with her married boss.

My boyfriend and his wife got married a little more than twelve years ago. They had a beautiful little girl a few months after the wedding and they all shared a little house together. Sounds like the perfect story right? Well, it turns out his wife had been cheating on him just about the whole time they had been together. He finally found out one day when he came home to her in bed with another guy, and left her. 

This was ten years ago. He left her ten years ago. I say it again, because it's hard to understand why someone would remain married for ten years without actually being with the person. You would think over the course of the last ten years of them being with other people, they'd want to completely move on and just get a divorce. 

His wife's boyfriend begs her to get a divorce, and I do the same to him. We have had divorce papers just sitting in our apartment for about six or seven months now, but he hasn't even opened them. This has put a lot of doubt in my mind at times. Are they staying married for a reason other than laziness? Is it possible he'll go back to her? These are the questions I ask myself constantly. 

Most people are quick to think that maybe he's just not over her, which is exactly what I thought when I had found out that they were still legally married. This isn't the case though. They have both moved on. They have both been with other people for years now. I am now 34 weeks (8 1/2 months) pregnant, carrying his child. We have been living together for quite a while now and we are moving into our new apartment next week. We plan on getting married once the divorce is finalized, but I have no idea when that will be.

This puts me in a tough position though. Normally, I'd just deal with it, but now that I am pregnant, it makes it much more difficult. I now have to decide whose last name my son gets, because my boyfriend and I do not have the same last name. Do I give him my last name or do I give my son his father's last name? If it were up to me, I'd like him to have his father's last name, as well as myself, but instead my boyfriend expects me to give my son the last name that he shares with his wife.

My boyfriend and his wife have a little girl together, and they all share the same last name. It just doesn't seem right for me to carry a baby in my womb for 9 months, for him to take the last name of another family. I also don't want to be selfish and deprive my boyfriend of carrying on his family's last name. 

It's not even just about the fact that his wife shares that last name with him. I do have other reasons for my hesitation on letting my son take his father's last name. My father passed away when I was 12 years old. By me keeping my last name and giving it to my son, I can carry on my family name. So whose family's last name do we keep alive? This is not an easy decision that can just be made overnight. 

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