My Coming Out

I was raised very conservative. Raised to believe that I could only love and be with a tall handsome man. That my future depended on the rich guy I could bag. Never was my future to find a lover that was worth my heart, but all for the money. I always stayed in my lane and never broken out of my mold. I have had relationship after relationship seeking a perfect match. Looking for someone to heal my brokenness and repair the damage for loving beyond my means. I never really understood why I always seemed to date “pretty boys” or why I would catch myself saying things like “You’re so beautiful” or “You simply take my breath away”. After two beautiful births happening in my twenties. I started to change. I noticed more and more that I was uncomfortable with the man I was with. Actually, I was always uncomfortable with any man, but with my upbringing... I remembered that I would be labeled the black sheep and outcast of my family should I choose to love honestly. In 2013 I became pregnant with my third child. I was overcome with a sense that even if I was living a lie. I was being blessed with children to grow my spirit and help my life’s goals. I lost that third child in my second trimester. I’ll never forget how cold and alone I felt. This was my second awaking to my true self. I had a lot of aggression issues when this happened. So, I joined a local roller derby team to help aid my anger and help with my loneliness. Upon joining my new team I met a girl. She quickly saw my talent to be a Jammer and took me under her wing. She became my mentor, coach and best friend. We skated all the time and worked out together often. I could feel her concern for me and she became my go-to person with issues and struggles. As my home life continued to crash around me from its brittle foundation. I noticed I was falling in love with my best friend. Every moment became a question of “I wonder if she is missing me?” Or “when can I see you again?”. The texts between us became more often and then moving to Skype then to regular sleep overs. We weren’t physical, but I could feel the connection like I’ve never EVER felt. Of course, the divorce came and the separation happened, but it made me see everything in black and white. The people who called themselves my friends and family started to diminish. However, I simply didn’t care. I felt like I lived under a rock all my life and I was tired. I came out and became a lesbian in September 2014 and it’s been a BLESSING!! I’ve never been as happy as I am and I’ve never felt so much love, support or comfort with one person. She completely engulfed me with her charm and beauty. I would request that anyone reading my story be challenged! Are you who you want or what others want? Are you happy with where you are? Have you been told to walk straight when you have swag in your step? Take a chance folks! You might lose family or friends or you might not. The idea of your happiness is exactly that: YOURS. Don’t let others determine where you go in life or to restrict you. If we live under a rock we will never experience the beautiful life we could have. Be willing to take a chance and be true to your nature. Life is not a popularity contest. My girlfriend is now my wife and we are still deeply connected as we were when this all started. I cherish the moments both big and small and look forward to our growing years. I am happy that I made a choice to be the real me long ago. If I had stayed where I was I would have never known REAL love or its beauty. Life has so much more in store for this lipstick lesbian and I am forever grateful.