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My Date with Pennywise, the Dancing Clown

Penny, why am I here?

By Madison MackenziePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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(rare photo of Pennywise in real life)

It was around Halloween when the 2017 version of It hit the theaters. Dude was a wannabe musician with skinny legs, a large butterfly tattoo, and a secret obsession with Stephen King’s Pennywise the Clown. I had overlooked his initial creepiness attributing it to the spooky holiday approaching (mistake #1). I actually enjoyed Halloween and horror films, until my date with Dude became one. We planned on attending a costume party that night; unfortunately that would never happen.

As I peered outside the window of my college dorm one late October evening, I saw a figure amongst the shadows clutching a bright red balloon. I swear, I saw other students turn and run in the opposite direction at the sight of him, but there he was… my date. Dirty yellow fangs protruding his mouth gave me a sinister smile as he did a spot-on Pennywise giggle. His body shook, awakening the bells that were stitched into this horrible, handmade costume. Later, he admitted he had even shaved his own hairline back an inch on his forehead and dyed his hair bright orange… (big turn on, am I right, ladies?) I was horrified, but impressed. They say the demon clown comes around every 27 years and I was almost convinced he was right there in front of me. Despite obvious signs of insanity, I accompanied Mr. Penny to the party (mistake #2).

A deep, beating thud intensified, much like my heartbeat, as we got closer to a house party near campus. We approached a guy at the front door who was checking people in. One look at my date and he was not having it, but Penny went the extra mile to make things worse (the dude was in character).

“Name?” the guy asked, irritated.

But there was no response, Penny just stared at him smiling with, I-shit- you-not, a string of drool spilling from his fangs. But here’s the best part:

“I’m Pennywise, the d-d-dancing clown!” he exclaimed with a high-pitched shrill and shake of his bells.

“Alright, nope! Get the f#@k out of here, now! No clowns allowed.”

(Apparently, Pennywise the Dancing Clown was not on the guest list.)

And that was pretty much the same response we got from three different parties that night. Much to my own misery, we had a long walk back to my dorm, and I had worn a witch costume much too revealing for the frigid Ohio wind (mistake #3). We came across a dirty, dark alley where Penny found a disgusting hole drenched with drain water and other mysterious liquids; so naturally, my date jumps in. He throws me his phone begging me to take some photos of this perfect opportunity, and I did (I had to have proof of this event). That moment is what he’d been waiting for: a chance to actually become a clown in a sewer, and he played the part perfectly. I mean, if you have a clown fetish, this is your guy! When the photoshoot was over, he asked me if I wanted to continue our date by walking around campus scaring people. I declined the offer and told Penny that we would not be going on another date.

He didn’t “take It” very well...

To this day, the clown demon lives on, not in sewers, but in real life… my life. He stalks me on social media, “visits” me at my workplace, and sends me cryptic text messages in the night. Sometimes, I half expect to find him in the backseat of my car or peeping through my window. Surprisingly, some monsters are scarier out of costume when they can easily pass for one of us, and you’ll never know who they really are until they take you on your worst date.

#MyWorstDate

humor
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About the Creator

Madison Mackenzie

I'm a puzzle that can't be solved.

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