My First Crush

Where do I begin? It all started when my mum brought a private house in a small town, since my family was too big to live in a small flat. At that time, I was 7. I was really happy because the house was big enough and I finally lived in a house with stairs. Once I settled in, I had a quick glance at my parents room. As always, it looked amazing. It was bigger than my room! Then I noticed, there was a sakura tree right next to my parent’s window. I was amazed. I love sakura trees! It was August at that time so it was sunny yet windy. The petals started to fall and as I watch the petal fall, I noticed a boy. He looked around my age, maybe older. He was with his cousins, playing football or should I say just-kick-the-ball-to-each-other. He had bouncy, curly hair and really big eyes; but he was really cute. Now, at that time, I thought that the petals were controlling me to stare at the cute boy (yeah, I read this article where flowers can control you when you see a person you like. At first I found it stupid, but it happened to me like right now) I couldn’t stop staring at him. I was really scared and nervous because I don’t know why I couldn’t. Then, he noticed my frustration. Oh no! At first, he just looked at me. I was confused. Then, he tilted his head. At that moment, I thought he was about to bash at me with insults. But, he smiled and waved at me. I was shocked. Completely shocked! I didn’t know what to do but, I was out of this world. With his warm positivity giving me confidence, I replied with a wave. I hated boys. They used to bully me and call me ridiculous names at my nursery /kindergarten. But, this boy was different. For the first time, I smiled. After, I notice his mum telling him to go inside and he did, with all his cousins. It was my time to go too, since I heard my parents coming up the stairs. I left my parents room and dashed to my room. For the first time, my heart was beating, maybeI was running, but mostly, because I couldn’t stop thinking of his cute smile.

Years later, I didn't see him for quite a long time. I thought he moved, but I saw him mum putting stuff in the bin everytime I look out of my parent’s window. I was 11. I was in Year 7/Grade 6. This was a big chance for me since, I moved into a new school. So new friends and new uniform. I looked smart and my mum just finished my hair, so I looked amazing, I think... I walked down my street, then I saw him. He was getting ready to cross. I didn’t know his name but, I know that face, if anywhere. He was taller than before. He’s almost taller than me (I was tall) He was also in uniform, so I guess he was in Year 8 or something. He looked even more attractive. I remember when I used to slap myself whenever I thought about him. He saw me but he didn’t say anything. Weird... I didn’t say anything either. Towards the end of my road, we walked opposite ways. I found it strange. Doesn’t he know me from before? After school, I walked home exhausted. My PE teacher was a devil, she made me and my classmate run around the schools massive pitch and play rugby. Are you serious? Anyway, I was tired and cold. I saw him again. I kinda wanted to show off so when I got home, I laid on my dad’s car and posed.Lame move... but I was really tired and I was gonna fall. I saw him chuckle. So success. I remember when I walked with my new friends and they used to make fun out of me, whenever my crush walked past. They would shout “Oooo”. There was one time they played knocked down Charlie and I was so scared, so I just hid and I saw him open the door and he looked confused. Anyway, I noticed I didn’t see him most of the time, which was sad. I mean I wanted to be friends with at least. We can talk about school, teachers, friends etc. But, it didn’t happen. Maybe because I was a shy girl. After all, I did start to develop a crush on him. So, the running away from sticky situations happened when I saw him. Yeah, sucks to be me.

I was 15 and it was a day after my birthday. I decided to go out with my girls and birthday twin. But, I left the restaurant because I thought everyone was avoiding me. I mean, everyone saw me and didn’t say nothing. I left with tears in my eyes. It wasn’t fair for me. It was birthday party too and I felt left out... so I went to my dad’s restaurant but I saw my other friends. We had fun. I went to my dad’s restaurant and got free chips but then, it was time to go home. When I got home, I noticed the boy outside with his cute dog. But, the boy looked like he was 22. I mean I’m not catching a case but what I mean is, he looked super hot! My mum was like “you can make friends with him..” so I went outside so quickly. Apparently, my mum was being sarcastic. I waved at him and he waved back. So, I walked towards him. I had confidence but I was shaking. I said hey and he said hey back. We had a calm conversation and wow he was really tall. We gave each other our names. We both gave each other eye contact and wow he’s even cuter up close. I made him smile again and he’s got a dimple. He has freckles and a masculine face. Well, duh. He’s got a deep voice and he does look like his mum. He even mentioned that he wanted to get to know me since I lived here for at least 7 years. Wow, I mean I knew but I thought he wouldn’t know nothing about me. So I guess he had a thought on me. He even said happy late birthday to me. Eek! I saw his mum too. She was bringing in some shopping . I said hey. She’s really pretty. He’s such a gentleman. Ahh, no my heart.

But, I noticed that I was getting creepy. I searched his mum and him on the Internet. I even stalked them once. Creepy... I even said he was my boyfriend. I was obsessed with him. My mum noticed and she was concerned about me....

Then, that’s when I found out that my crush disliked me. Called me names and his mum doesn’t like me too. I’m a creepy b*tch to them. Apparently, someone said “Look, it’s Be’s boyfriend” he was confused at first and he replied with “What?” to the idiot who said it. Well that’s what my mum told me and crap this was after he knew my name. Also, his mum told my mum that she doesn’t want to see him and me talk. My mum was angry and she told me to move on because she knew how badly I liked him. It was hard but she told me to raise my head high and walk on. I did. I was really upset that he thought I was rude and terrible. But I’m not. I just want him to notice me. I was in the wrong...

It’s the end of my year (Year 10) and when the summer term is finished I’m in Year 11 and it’s really hard. Mocks, exams, stress... I was coming home and I saw him. I was angry at him so I turned away and walked back. He looked upset. He didn’t come out for at least two days. I felt bad and I was going to apologise. I was being a coward .

Living in my house for at least 8 years, the rent was rising up. No one is helping my mum and the housung benefits (it’s where the house people pay for the rent when you have problems with paying the rent) cut my mum off. So they are not helping her, which is unfair. My mum can’t pay the full amount and I was so sad that less than a month, we have to pack and leave. I was so determined to get a job but I’m not at that age yet and I really want to help my mum. But I can’t...

I went to the park and I saw the boy who crushed my head. This was going to be our last conversation. I went up to him and apologised. I made him listen to me first. I was about to cry because everything was breaking for me. I told him that I liked him, for a very long time and if he didn’t feel the same way then, we should at least be friends. I told him that I was being an idiot and saying lies. I already wrote an email from before, apologising to him but I didn’t give it to him. He didn’t say anything. I could understand why, so I turned around and walked. But I felt his warm arms around me and I cried. It took me 8 years for him to notice me, to have a proper conversation. Crazy? We walked home and we gave each other our last warm hug. The sakura tree was regrowing, I noticed as he hugged me tighter. I didn't want to let go. But I had to go...

“When we get older. I’ll find you” our promise we gave to each other.

(Btw this story is still ongoing)