My First Heartbreak

Let me start off by saying that heartbreak is inevitable. No matter how hard we try to prepare ourselves, or how much time we spend making sure we choose the "right one," heartbreak is, in fact, inevitable. A big mistake we make is believing that heartbreak can only occur through the ending or the absence of a relationship. However, numerous instances have taught me to believe otherwise.

Now, don't get me or the tone of this story wrong. I am an optimist, a full-out hopeless romantic and probably the most willful person you could ever come across. However, it is because of this that I know the feeling so well. It is safe to say that what I have learned throughout my journey of finding love, but most importantly, of finding myself, has a lot to do with getting my heart absolutely and completely shattered.

I look back on my first heartbreak and no longer feel anger, sadness, or even nostalgia over the memories. Of course, this could have a lot to do with the fact that I've now met someone who's swept my fears away, and who's helped me grow into a woman I am proud to be. Nonetheless, I look back at an experience that brought me great grief and feel thankful for what it did to me and most importantly for what it taught me about myself.

The Hidden Lessons:

1. What I have to offer is enough: I wish I knew this then, but I am grateful I know it now! I have plenty to offer, as do each and every one of you reading this. If you are being made to feel as if you are falling short of the "expectations," take it as a sign. Your efforts will be "everything" for the right person.
2. Caring does not make me weak: Showing emotions, raw emotions, is probably the most beautiful thing we can do as humans. We should not be embarrassed, scared, or worried of our emotions, or making them known to the people who mean the most to us.
3. Forgiving does not mean allowing the same behavior: Forgiveness is something that has always been key in my life. Forgiving those who have wronged us is a big step towards healing. However, never allow your forgiveness to be abused. Once is a mistake; twice, three times, or more is now a habit.
4. I am not a comparison of the women around me: One of the most important lessons I learned by far: You should never allow anyone to compare you to the women around you or make you feel inferior to them. We are all wonderfully different in our own ways. Your differences should be cherished. This is in fact what makes you "you".
5. To live, is to let go: Don't harbor the hurt or the negativity. Allow yourself to let go of the things that no longer serve a positive purpose in your life.
6. You do not define me: You are your own person. Do not ever lose your identity over your significant other. Remain true to yourself and what you believe in.
7. You were only as powerful as I allowed you to be: The number one thing I learned from my first heartbreak is that I, in fact, had the power to stop it all. I enabled his "habits," and his power and strength were entirely derived from what I continuously allowed.

It dawned on me that the greatest source of my heartbreak was being in the relationship itself, and not entirely the fear of it ending or of it not being a thing at all. You see, sometimes we fear the unknown because we've become so comfortable with what we've already figured out from that relationship despite the impact it's had on us. The realization that I, myself, was holding on to something that was breaking my heart day in and day out, was enough to make me understand that I had the power, to rid him of his power. Most of the times in that relationship when I felt "love," it was actually feeling love for myself and better about myself as a person. I soon realized that whether this person loved me or not, or chose to treat me right, if I wasn't doing it for myself, then what was really the point? I shouldn't have to rely on someone else's' mood each day to determine how I felt about or looked at myself. I was the key to it all.

So yes, heartbreak is in fact inevitable. No matter how hard we try, or whether we find ourselves in a relationship or not, heartbreak is always bound to occur. However, the most important lessons you will ever learn will come from these instances. Most importantly, we need these instances to gain strength, understanding, and perspective.

"To my first heartbreak:

Dear him,

Thank you for the countless times you broke me down, and for the countless times you rebuilt me, all just to repeat the same cycle. I am stronger than you could ever imagine. I hope that you, too, are stronger than what you showed me."

-Mel