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My First Post

A re-telling of my Instagram Feed

By VillainousTitanPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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My very first post.

I remember thinking this was the cleverest thing in the world; that I was somehow being different for posting something that nobody cared about and making it something that was just innocuously sitting in front of me.

I took this picture of the toilet paper because it was literally the first thing in front of me, but I sat there on the toilet and set up Instagram to take this picture because of a girl.

I did a lot of things because of a girl, not any one singular girl, I’ve had many girls that I did a many a number of stupid things for.

This is my first Instagram post because I wanted it to be a reaction-grabbing picture.

She was probably with her friends and hanging out with some guys that I was probably jealous of at the time.

I thought that if I was going to somehow get her to notice me, it had to have shock value because I didn’t think I was interesting enough to warrant a girl’s favour. Y’know, that ol’ chestnut we all go through.

I digress, I saw on her Facebook feed that she had just posted an image to her Instagram, then shared it to Facebook.

I thought, “Wow, why not just post it to Facebook as well?”

Not really understanding how Instagram really worked or that it made sense for her to want people to also just go to her Instagram, too.

But that was it y’know?

“Hmm. Maybe if I post something to Instagram, and she’s looking to have people to go to hers, I’ll tell her that I just started following her, and maybe that’ll be like an 'Oh, cool!' moment for her, and she sees me as like, 'Wow, he’s paying attention to me!'”

I had high hopes and an overactive thought-process.

I set it up, I think it was always - MuntyShaw - ?

That would have been around the time my friends constantly asked me “What the fuck is a Munt?” So I would’ve liked to poke fun at that on my online social media presence.

To be candid, I still don’t know what it means.

Anywho, I set it all up, I think, “Okay, now I need to post something, and then follow her because then she’ll look at it and wonder who’s following her and probably go to my page and see who I am. “

It worked out thusly, but I still have no clue why I thought the toilet paper was attention-grabbing enough or maybe why it wasn’t enough. Maybe it was TOO much. I don’t know?

I don’t think people want to be reminded of poop.

But there it was, my toilet paper roll, with its soft little texture, and taken by my awful iPhone 4s camera.

I didn’t and still kinda don’t understand how hashtags work.

So putting something like #ManyMoons to me was amazingly hilarious, because you don’t even have to tell the whole joke, you kind of just contextually remember that old joke about a Native-American man falling into an outhouse and he’s asked how long he’s been in there.

He answers by saying, “I’ve been here for too long… I’ve seen many moons.”

I try to lean more towards the camera is bad, but the bathroom at my parent’s house was incredibly awful—we housed several generations of children who were all monsters.

Excrement, Urine, Boogers, Vomit, Spit, Etc.

And that’s just from me.

I used a sepia tone on the photo to hide the colour of the walls and hopefully a bit of the remnant dirty things around on the walls and floor. I think it did an okay job, but don’t look too hard and long.

SO, in the end, how it worked out for good ol’ MuntyShaw was not in any way a victory.

The picture was shown around to her friends, they laughed and pointed at it.

“What the hell?”

“Is he taking a shit?”

“Why would he take a picture of this?”

Why does anyone do anything, guy?

humor
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About the Creator

VillainousTitan

Writing for the villains...

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