My First Time With a Girl

"Was this really going to happen?" "Is today the day?" "What if this goes wrong"; just some of the questions that were going through my head the day I slept with a girl for the first time.

It was midsummer, and she was my first girlfriend, and I hers. We had both been with guys before each other, but nothing serious. The thing is for me she was different, everything was easier with her. It was like no other relationship I had been in. She was it for me, I knew I wanted to be with her, but yet, I was still overwhelming nervous, "What if this goes wrong?" "What if she doesn't like it?" "What if she is weirded out by my vagina." All these questions popped into my head the day we had planned to take every thing to the next level, but at the same time I didn't think the moment would actually come. We had gotten as far as we had previously, but I was too nervous to make the next move, and I thought she was too, so much so that I thought the moment would pass, and we would go back to watching whatever movie we had put on for background noise.

We had a free house, but others would be home soon enough, so we only had a certain window of time to be alone, this time was running out, and I had given up assuming we would be more comfortable the next time we had an opportunity to be alone, but she knew the next we'd be alone could be weeks from that day, so she took control. It caught me off guard, I didn't expect her to take charge like she did. She sat on top of me and undid my jeans, unzipping them and attempting to pull them down. I grabbed her hands and pulled her up close to me and kissed her, she pulled away and asked what was wrong. I didn't know, I was hesitant; scared more likely. I never had this fear with guys, but she was different. This was different; more intimate. I was insecure with my body, I always have been. I was afraid she would turn off, and not want to be with me anymore. I didn't want to lose her. But I knew I had to just let it go and move past it. I had to give her control and let her go with it, give into the moment and let our relationship take the next step. I was thinking too much into it. I needed to get out of my own head and live in the moment. This, of course, was easier said than done. For the first few minutes it was still thinking about what she might be thinking about, what was going through her head while down there. Eventually I got into it and enjoyed the moment. We shared an experience that I'll never have with anyone else, a first for both of us. I couldn't have asked for a better, more understanding person to be with, she made me feel safe and loved.

It's important in life to find someone you feel comfortable and safe with. Whether it's forever or for certain moments in our lifetime, having that special person by your side is critical.

People come in and out of your life, each with their own reasons for being there. It is how we choose to keep them in our lives, and what position they hold that is our choice. Keep those who truly love you and care for you close, and remove those who only bring sorrow.

She was my first and only love in my life.