My Friends Are Probably Having the Best Time Right Now

My friends are probably having the best time right now.

I peered out the window as the reflection of her porcelain pale skin obstructed my vision of the field outside the bunk. The scratchy, sheet-less mattress we had chosen as our playground for the next 30 minutes scraped into my back like sandpaper as our bodies surged back and forth. I imagined the beers being shotgunned and songs being sung, not a ten minute walk from us. I imagined the warm greeting that awaited me when I returned to those wooden halls. It was all I could do to make this go by faster. I looked back at her, tits swaying perfectly like pendulums, and let out an insincere, hopefully convincing moan of pleasure. She glanced down at me, stared deeply into my eyes, and said, “I fucking hate you.” Not convincing enough I suppose.

Let’s rewind. The summer was coming to a close, but the past few nights in upstate New York had felt like winter. We would wake to hangovers as biting as the frost that covered the lush fields of our old summer camp. It had been six years since we were campers and now we had returned. Once reaching the age of 22, the camp reopens its gates to alumni and friends for a weekend of non-stop partying. On the first night, I met her. A few days later, I would say goodbye to my friends to drive home with a broken phone, a black eye, and a car with a soaked interior. But we'll get to that.

From the moment our eyes met in that crowded bunk, I knew I was in for something special. She was pale, with dark red hair and fiery orange eyes. High heels, tight black jeans, low cut Metallica shirt, she was something else. We got to talking and drinking. The party raged around us but neither of us heard a thing. I found out that tomorrow was her birthday and she mentioned having high hopes for this one. The night went on, and we exchanged numbers before our groups separated.

The camp was still going strong when we ran into each other again around one. This time we did not intend to get separated. We snuck off and got to my bunk. For the next ten, I mean 40 minutes, we went at it, exploring the lines of each others bodies and letting loose in utter passion. It was a lot of fun and I was happy to celebrate her birthday with her. We returned to our friends soon after and agreed to drive into town early tomorrow to grab breakfast before the drinking began.

I woke up shivering but excited. We met at my car and drove off. By the end of the drive I had realized that we had nothing in common sober, and that she was actually really irritating. For a moment I thought this was some brilliant joke she was playing. I would tell her something I liked, and she would shoot it down. Music? Apparently the stuff I played on my phone for the ride was awful. Movies? Romantic comedies or its bad. Fucking hamburgers? Nope, we could not even find common ground with food. Breakfast ended, she hated hers. The check came, she waited intently for me to pick it up. The day had warmed up and she let the windows and sunroof down for the drive back. We arrived at the parking lot and she began touching my leg. I regrettably did not stop it there. In a shocking turn of events, the sober car sex was so bad I considered faking an orgasm.

I went to my bunk after it ended, believing my troubles to be over. My friends and I shared in stories of the night before and planned our day. There was a pong tournament being set up for the night in the eating hall. Regardless of my skill, or lack thereof, at throwing balls in cups, I was inclined to take it easy today. My hangover was getting the better of me when a kind friend brought out some jazz cabbage. Ten minutes later my hangover was gone.

The day went on, and the sun made its way west. I began to wonder if she had tried to get in touch with me and prayed the answer was no. But my curiosity was eclipsed by my concern for where my phone had went. No worries though, I probably left it at the bunk.

An hour later and the starlit sky illuminated the campgrounds in white light. As we basked in its beauty, I felt a strange shiver move up my spine. My ears twitched, and all went cold. She was tapping my shoulder from behind. I knew it was her before I turned around and saw her radiant eyes staring intently at me. My friends laughed to themselves and walked off, telling me they would catch me at the tournament.

I knew there wasn't much time and I had to be blunt. Before I could start she began.

“Why haven't you responded to any of my texts? It's my birthday after all.”

“I actually haven't seen my phone in a while. Look I...”

“Well we have a lot of catching up to do.” She interrupted.

The words took on dreadful meaning. I saw how the night would go if I didn't put my foot down.

“Look,” I began, “Its not happening.” Her eyes widened. “I'm not interested. I actually don't think we get along and I'm good with us going our separate ways.”

It was harsh but I didn’t care. She must've thought I meant it playfully since she began getting closer to me. She whispered things in my ear that brought my stone heart to crumble. I was about to push away when she went in for a kiss. It was enough for me to ignore my senses and believe that this wasn't the same girl I had spent the morning with.

We made it back to the bunk and took off our clothes. This time it was worse than the car sex. Before I knew it, I was looking out the window thinking about the tournament I was missing.

“My friends are probably having the best time right now.”

Shit did I say that out loud? Those beautiful eyes stared at me in rage and she shouted, “I fucking hate you!”

“Well I fucking hate you too!”

The next thing I knew my ears were ringing, I couldn't see out of my left eye, and I had a strange sense that I had just been punched in the face. By the time I had come to my senses, she was gone. I lied back down and sighed in relief believing that to be it. If not for the shattering sound of thunder it would have been. The stars vanished and darkness took over the sky. It rained, it thundered, lighting blasted through the sky, then it rained some more.

There was still time, I hoped. I threw my clothes on and ran though the storm making it back for the end of the tournament. The rain went on all night, but it was ok because I was finally back. Soaked, sporting a black eye, not nearly drunk enough, I drank. We regaled in stories and partied until the light began to shine through the clouds.

Morning came and we said our goodbyes. We all walked to the parking lot together, and there, I saw it. The sunroof was open from my breakfast date. The windows were open. My phone floated in the pool that had filled the cup holder. It was all I could do to laugh as my friends gathered around, some patting me on the back, most falling to the ground in laughter. It seemed like they were having the best time. I went off searching for a map.

#MyWorstDate