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In the most random of circumstances, I met the love of my life. I went to my best friend’s dorm room to help him unpack and settle in. When I first arrived, it wasn’t my best friend, but his new roommate that I met. Now I’m not a shy person and I am most definitely never speechless, and even though it sounds like part of a love story, I had no words when I first saw this deliciously handsome man.
Now fast forward a couple weeks, we weren’t dating yet and I was already realizing that I trusted him with all my secrets and I was falling in love with him. This by itself would seem like a very happy memory and moment in time. However, it had to be brought up that I come from a very racist family and I seem to be the only one with a difference in opinion. I knew that my family would be a problem and it scared me. I’ve been intimated in interracial relationships before but I never told my family and none of us ever became official because I was too afraid to tell my family and what they might do.
But when I looked at him, I felt safe and completely whole. I had never felt like this before. So I decided to tell my mom in a not so direct way. I asked about her sister. My Aunt Jen came out as a lesbian not too long ago and it did not bode well, considering my grandfather is a pastor and that side of my family is very religious. It especially didn’t help that soon after, she married a black woman. Now the family doesn’t really talk to her except for her brother and my mother. Knowing this, I asked if they didn’t like my aunt’s relationship more because her wife was female or that she was black. I had told my mom about my best friend’s roommate so she quickly caught on to why my questions were coming to light. And the main reason at the time was the fact that he had asked me on a date and I was going whether my family liked it or not. My mom just smiled and said that she hoped I had fun. Obviously, she was hoping and thinking that it wouldn’t go anywhere. She was very wrong.
I’m not in college right now so when I’m not working, I spend most of my time in their dorm. And when my father found out why, he threatened to disown me and my mother, who usually defends me, threatened to kick me out of the house. I knew it was going to be hard but I also knew I wanted to be with him. So I stood up to my family. Now that they know that I’m serious, my dad set one ground rule: he wasn’t allowed to step foot in our house. And he hasn’t.
I’ve met both his mother and father and his sister. It makes me very happy to say that they adore me. Although his mother did wish for her son to marry a black woman, they don’t mind that I’m white. They’ve even invited me to go home with their son for his sister’s birthday and for Christmas, even being so generous as to offer to buy the plane tickets. As of now, my parents have said no but I can tell my mom is warming up to the idea.
I don’t blame my mom for her opinions. They’re based on her religion and how she was raised. And she is more concerned of what other people might do to an interracial couple than her own feelings. She is just very scared for me. And I can understand that but if we were safe all our lives than we would never experience the kind of love I have for this man. And I know that I am completely safe with him. It’s he who isn’t safe. And mostly because of my father, for who I do blame for his opinions. He wasn’t raised to be racist, he just believes that any African American is a lower class than us and his opinions are purely based on emotions, not logic or anything else. And only he can change that. So the love of my life hasn’t met my parents yet.
My mom knows she can’t hide away from my relationship anymore. Because she knows that if she does, she would lose me forever. I’ve spent 20 years with my family. I’ve found a love that consumes me and is pure and healthy. My aunt made a decision when she married her wife: love or family. And she chose love. I am perfectly ready to make the same decision, though I do hope it doesn’t come to that.
I’m saying our life is perfect. We argue and disagree like any other couple. But we figured out a long time ago that it is us against our problems, not me versus him. With him still in college and me waiting to go back, we have a long while and plenty of fights to go. But I look forward to them because they are going to make us stronger and lead us to the happiest day of my life. When I get to marry him.
So listen to me when I say, if your love is real and you’ll know it when it is, you’ll risk anything for it. Take the leap. It’ll be the best decision of your life. I promise.