My Journey so Far...

When I was younger, I was told to always follow my dreams no matter how hard they get, but up until I made the steps into university—roughly 150 miles away from my family—I had no idea how hard it would be. When you get to university, you feel the weird sense of freedom while being homesick.

While I am studying here at university, I have had to cope with a few things from my past in which I hoped I could forget about and move on from. Now, what I had to deal with isn't easy, and it isn't something I would wish upon anyone, but you know what? I'm not a victim. If anything, I am a survivor for still being here today! The reason I say I am not a victim is because, during a relationship with someone I thought I loved and stupidly thought they loved me, I was sexually and domestically abused while also having the mental and emotional abuse throughout. I still have some mental breakdowns now where I just stay home away from everyone, I turn my phone off and go out for walks, but I don't tell anyone I plan to do it; but you want to know the one thing that has helped me through it all though? It would be the fact my family is on the end of the phone; my partner, who is also my best friend and my rock, so guess I am lucky; my friends both at home and here with me in university, and my partner's family! Oh, and the quote above from Audrey Hepburn!

I have lost friends because of what I have gone through because they believe him instead of me, but I know the ones who are truly my friends will be there for me no matter what! I have one friend who has been more of a sister to me than she has a friend, we have been friends since I moved to Kent in 2006 and started the same primary school as her. We then went to different secondary schools but still tried seeing each other as much as we could. Then we joined each other again for sixth form, same sixth form, same mentor group, and two subjects together, and now we both attend different universities. A whole 115 miles between us and yet we still carry on like we haven't been separated! It was only December 2017. I had her with me right up until Christmas day! If I'm honest, if she wasn't my friend, I wouldn't know what to do with myself; like it sounds stupid, but she is such a big part in my life I couldn't imagine her not being in it! So, a big thank you to her!

Thank you...

Another shout out I have would have to be my amazing partner. Honestly, if you find someone who loves you, can be crazy with you, and still stays with you even when you have down days, counseling, and in some sense have tried killing yourself, then keep hold of them! I am not letting him go because honestly, I have no idea what I would do without him! Within a year, we have achieved so much. We have our own house, (we share with a friend, but he's basically like family), we have visited Malta, Paris, and Copenhagen. Now, this was all a big shock to him when he found out what I had been through, but he could tell something was getting me down and he was sick of never knowing, so he asked me if I was okay. I said, "Yeah I'm fine," and then he went "I don't believe you." We had a little bicker, and then when it came to going to bed, we still weren't really talking, and then I cried...when I cried, he knew something was wrong and that ended the me not telling him...it all came out in one big emotional rant. Now I was expecting him to run for the hills and for me to be on my own, but he was the complete opposite. Him hearing what I went through made him cry...yes, he cried, and he promised he would always keep me safe, and to this day, he has remained by it and every day he still ensures I'm okay, and when I tell him I am even when I'm not, he will go to me, "what's wrong?" and do everything he can to make sure I am okay. Sometimes I just want to snuggle up on the sofa with him, watch some rubbish TV and eat junk food; just forget about the world and focus on us...so, a massive thank you to him. Without him, I would have given up by now...

I love you...

I must thank everyone else, too. If I sat here thanking everyone else for being there when I felt like I was alone, it would be crazy. You would all be here for days, so I will save all that and thank the rest here...so, thanks to my family, my partner's family, and then my other crazy best friend who I lived with the whole of my first year at university! I just want to thank them for being there if I haven't felt like I could talk to my partner, or if I needed some advice.

Thank you...

I'd be lost without you all.

So, if you ever feel like you cannot talk to someone or even you don't know where to turn regarding you needing support with depression, someone to just listen, or even just wanting to try and forget about the world, you can do either one of these things:

• Ring Samaritan's or your local crisis support team. They will be able to help!
• Find something you like doing, i.e. drawing, dancing, cooking, or even singing—just anything!
• Or, it sounds crazy, drop me a message. We can get to know each other, or if you just want someone to listen, both me and the crisis groups will help too!

DO NOT EVER FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ALONE!

Now remember: Always be you!