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This is part one. I don't know who needs this but for someone out there who does, this is for you.
- Know that it's mature to take care of your emotional welfare, as well as ensuring there are boundaries and a basic understanding of what you need to enable you to become your best self. It's not rude or cruel and it doesn't mean that you aren't a nice person. It means that you are putting yourself first and making your life the priority to ensure that, emotionally and mentally, you are where you need to be—which is what everyone should do.
- Time is an amazing buffer for raw emotions. No matter what those emotions are or the situation that provoked those feelings, use time wisely. Process what is happening and use time to think clearly before deciding what to do next. Don't rush the process, a moment of patience is sometimes all you need to think clearly. Let it take as long as it is needed or as long as life intends it to be.
- Don't become fixated with the fantasy you have on repeat in your head. It is shaped by good memories and false hope. Stop predicting or controlling and enjoy each moment as it comes. It distorts the reality and truth you are facing. It brings you out of touch with reality. Stay true to yourself and the situation.
- Choose forgiveness. This is usually what people struggle with the most. When someone you care and love for hurts you it breaks the trust you had. You ponder how you could have cared for someone who could betray you so effortlessly, and you question whether you even knew that person at all. As cheesy as it is, in order to be at peace with someone or a situation, you must first find peace within yourself. Sometimes taking the perspective of the person who hurt or disappointed you can help. Choose to understand why they did what they did. Choose to see what they did as a reason for why it wasn't meant to be, and not unkind. Choose to see that they did their best for a time, but ultimately it wasn't good enough for you—and that's fine. It's easier to forgive someone when you see them as a human being who is flawed instead of the idea that they are perfection.
I've always struggled with whether or not to forgive. It's always ended up with me asking myself, "Is it the mature thing to forgive? Is it more mature to get over it, not hold a grudge, and move on with my life? Or am I not being man enough to put my foot down by always reminding that person of what they did. Essentially does forgiving them make me a weak person?"
But in reality forgiving that person is not excusing them for their bad behaviour. You can still be a strong person who's stands up for themselves, tells the person what they did was wrong, and then proceed to forgive them. At the end of the day this isn't about your ego, it's about giving yourself emotional freedom because you are the only one who can give yourself closure from someone or a situation.
- Understand that there is nothing wrong with you for loving, caring and holding onto good memories with someone who is no longer in your life—simply because there isn't. It's okay to love or care for an ex or an old friend. Hold onto the good memories and don't let the bitterness consume you.
Acknowledge that was then and this is now. You are now living separate lives but you don't forget the good times you shared. It's still part of your life, just not your present life. It works both ways. It's also okay to still feel the pain. It's okay to want another ending instead of the one you were given. That's all part of the process of moving on. Just know that love and a good heart/soul isn't what solely makes a relationship or friendship work. They work when you both communicate clearly and honestly, you share the same values and when timing ensures everything falls into place.
Sometimes the best way you can express your love to someone is wishing them the best with their life, especially if that means letting them go. Letting someone you love or care for go is not easy at all. However, it's essential that you don't let the love you have for that person compromise the most important relationship of them all—the one with yourself.
Part two will follow shortly. I thought it would be best to split them into two parts I'm here to write a blog not a novel! For those wondering, part two will contain the following:
- Happiness, positivity, bad days
- Comparing your life to others, judgement on others, letting people be
- Fear of change
- Perspective and life—it is what it is
Feel free to get in contact for any advice or suggestions on what I could add or for what you would like to see me write about in the future.
I hope this helped someone out there.
Have a good day and evening.