My Love Language

We all have a love language. It is what our significant other can do to speak volumes to our heart and soul. It is what makes our heart pound, our smile widen, and our butterflies to flutter in our stomach. It is what is conveyed in every love story and rom-com. Sometimes others share certain words, metaphorically, that is in our dictionary. So through my list of what really brightens my day and warms my soul, you may find something that you want in your life. It takes time to find what language you hear the loudest, but never be afraid to ask if someone is willing to learn some of your words. You will have to learn theirs too, because after all love is two people with enough desire in each other that the compromises seem like a walk in the park. Well enough of this metaphor crap, for now, here are the things that speak volumes to me.

#1. Do not try to be perfect!

What's the point of that? We all know perfection in the truest definition does not exist. So many of us spend exuberant amounts of time and energy trying to be absolutely perfect and all it does is drain us emotionally, so when that first little thing falls out of line we crash and burn. We lose it because you feel so exhausted and you don't think anyone else notices your effort. On a totally different side, if you manage to always seem perfect and keep it together, there arises a whole new territory. If you're so perfect and your partner feels like they aren't even close, they may feel like they will never be good enough. So you might be spending all your time and energy accidentally making your significant other build their own self-doubts. In no way am I saying don't better your life or have self-care, but don't invest all of yourself into being Superman.

#2 Always tell me goodnight.

Yeah, we all know the cliche "Always Kiss Me Goodnight" but that is just not always possible. There are jobs and late night celebrations that sometimes life makes a little bit difficult. For example, my love's brother had his wedding a few days after I gave birth to our daughter. I would have never even asked him to miss his brother's wedding, but I was not taking my couple of days old daughter out to a long ceremony followed by a night of rambunctious partying. I wasn't going to ask him to cut it short either, you only get to celebrate such happiness ever so often. All I asked and all I will ever ask of him on nights when life just doesn't allow him to be home is to tell me goodnight. Even if he's not going to sleep or if I am already asleep, just tell me goodnight.

#2.5 Always kiss me goodbye.

As stated above, life doesn’t always allow us to be home together every night. However, the times one or both people have to leave, kiss me goodbye. I will say this many, many times. Life is short. Don’t make it longer in an agonizing way by missing the chance to kiss someone you love goodbye. Intentionally it may be for the day, for the weekend, or whatever, but anything can happen and that kiss may be the last one you get. It happens and you don’t want to let life get so “busy” that when you spend what seems like forever staring into the bottom of an empty booze bottle, waiting on their smile to come back, thinking about the last time they walked out the door. How they looked, how they told you “See you later” and yet that was it. Always kiss me goodbye. Just by chance your goodbye is forever.

#3 Always say I love you back.

Unless you don't mean it, say I love you back. Life is so damn short and in a blink of an eye the one you love could be gone. Mad, sad, busy, stressed. SAY I LOVE YOU BACK IF YOU LOVE THEM. Spoiler alert!! You may never get that chance again. Even if they don't die in some tragic accident and you never see them again. They might block you out to stop the pain, then the next time you see them they are happy with someone building a life together. You could be left not being able to get the thought from your mind that if you just said it back, they might not have left, and that might have been you. Leaving someone hanging on their words in the air, or the message left on read for something so important. The words "I Love You" are the basic acknowledgment of the foundation of why we put up with each other. Last time, if you love them, say "I Love You" back no matter what, even if that's the only thing you can say.

#4 Care, Kinda.

We all know that there is shit we just don't give a fuck about. That's fine! I really really don't ask you to pull up a chair and get all bushy eyed as I tell you about my girlfriend's boyfriend being stupid. I do ask that you just give me some time to rant about my day or babble on about something I found interesting. I ask this because I give you the same respect. I will listen to your stories from high school, your day at work, the guy who cut you off in traffic. I just ask for you to listen to my takeaways from my mom's phone call, or what I am thinking of doing to my hair next. I know you don't actually give a shit about it, but it's nice to tell my most important person things that matter to me. That's why I will always listen to the crap I don't care about at all, because it feels nice for you. This also goes along with big things too! There is no feeling in the world like the knowledge that someone took the time to learn about you. My favorite movie, my biggest dreams, and even some of my smallest dreams. The fact you wanted to know what makes me tick and what makes me float on cloud 9, will forever be such an exhilarating feeling. I already know the important things to your core, and if I don't know it, I am trying to learn it still. I want to know your dreams and even if it is something I have already done or something so silly to me that I didn't know could count as a dream, I want to know. Why? Well, because I want to do anything I can to make them a reality. It is a heartwarmer to know that someone else out there wants to do that for you too.

#5 Make time for us.

TIME IS JUST A PRIORITY LIST! I am rational. Money is required to live. Working makes money. I get it. Just do NOT tell me that you do not have time, ALL THE TIME. It takes so little to make me feel fulfilled in our time spent. Watch a movie with me. Take a shower with me. Send me a text just to say hi. I don't care if you take hours to reply but keep up a conversation whenever you do have five seconds. It's not about quantity of time together, it is about the quality of it. No, spending an evening staring at the back of your phone will never be exciting, no matter where you take me. If you continuously tell someone that you don't have time for them, they will open your schedule some by not being a part of it anymore. If you are the type who "didn't have time" to send a quick text back but you had time to read every meme on Facebook, you clearly hold your person to a really low priority. They will start to believe that is what you think of them. If you love someone, please, don't make them feel that looking through the marketplace for no reason is continuously more important.

#6 Show me off just a teeny tiny bit.

Everyone wants to feel wanted. Yes, in this age of technology we spend way too much time comparing ourselves to the split second moment pictured on other people social media. Trust me, no matter how great those two seem, they fight too. The thing is, I don't care if it's my most perfect picture or if I look like a hot mess close to the Brittany of '07, I just want to be something you want to show to your friends. Just once in a while. It doesn't have to be every day or every month, just once in a blue moon. Hell, just snap a picture of me as if I am something you want to look back on and remember. Even if none of that is your thing, it can be as simple as saying "You look so great tonight." It isn't exactly showing me off but it makes me feel like I am something worth seeing. Is it conceited to want that? I don't care honestly. It is natural to feel desired. Some people just have different ways to achieve that feeling.

#7 Just try.

That's it. If you are not good at anything above, but you say you love me, just try. That always what I will do for you. Try. I will try to do all the things that make you feel like Taylor Swift in your bedroom to a love song. I am no superwoman myself. I will fail sometimes. I will, however, keep trying for you, as long as you are trying for me. No one's effort should stop at any point except when calling it quits is the only step left. Not when you start officially dating, not when you get engaged, not when you get married, not even when you have been married for years upon years. When you stop what you did to get that person, you stop holding them in a special place. It's not the same thing as changing up what you do for them as much as it is the fact that you are doing something for them. No, after some time you may not be all about getting it on like rabbits, everywhere and anywhere, but maybe it becomes rose petals every once in a while. It may not be bringing home flowers every day after work but maybe it is doing a load of dishes or something they have been meaning to get to. The very old cliche saying of "actions speak louder than words" will never forgo anyone.