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My Name Is Jack Raydor!!!!!

I am the man you would love to hate.

Photo by Gus Moretta on Unsplash

I KNOW JACK!

I am familiar with Jack because I WAS Jack Raydor (from the TV crime show Major Crimes)…in high school. I never drank or smoked. I still don't. But I took a relationship for granted. She found another guy. I tried to win her back, but it was to no avail. We never saw each other again. Coincidently, there was another lady who entered my life. It was like God was saying, "Maurice, here is someone that you should meet and marry." I stupidly ignored that message. She DID have an effect on me.

When I watch the show, I see a guy who, like the scriptural Prodigal Son, went away from his marriage and lived up a life of luxury by gambling and sleeping around. He simply enjoyed debauchery and had no regrets while doing so. After a while, he saw the error of his ways and sought to repent for his wrongdoings. He went back to his ex-wife to seek forgiveness.

Let's go back in time. What was I like? Well. I spent a lot of time playing around in both music and sports. I went back to school, but I was still the little boy. I went out with other women, but most of those relationships ended up in disaster. One thing I can say to my credit is that I NEVER put my hand on any women to hurt them. I did give them that much respect. I never even called them a name that I would use to call my mom. Again, I gave them that much, in terms of respect. The truth is that I just wasn't as happy with them like I thought I would be. I never sought any forgiveness because I never walked out on any marriage.

Over the years, I realized that I should have listened to God. The downside is that I spent my time from 1974 when my true love and I graduated from high school to 2008 just procrastinating over it. Around 2005, I saw the second young lady's picture in a local newspaper. I firmly knew this was the one I should have pursued. I never looked her up even though we still lived in the same borough at the time.

I FINALLY found the time in December 2009 to look her up. I was all set to work up the courage to ask her out. I wanted to take my whole paycheck and take her out for dinner and dancing. If things were to work out, I wanted to propose to her. That is when I learned something that has devastated me to this very day—she DIED in October 2008!

I spent the last few years mourning her death. I don't even ask any ladies out anymore because I feel that it would be cheating on her. In February 2017, I did something that I thought I could never do. I never spoke with her in high school. I did wave and smile at her, but I was too busy going after something that could never happen instead of something that could have happened. I did not know her family and saw no reason to upset them. So I went to the cemetery and asked about the location of her grave. It was located in a visible section of the burial ground. She has a gravestone on it. I promised myself that when I found a job again, I would personally and quietly buy her flowers or something to prove the words I said before I left her gravesite. I stood there, said a prayer, cried, and told her, "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" Then, I left.

I go back to the cemetery from time to time. I do seek HER forgiveness because I realized that she was the one who was truly meant for me. I wasted our valuable time and missed my chance. I squandered my only chance at happiness. I really could have used a bottle in order to drown out my sorrows. Root beer wasn't strong enough.

So, when you turn your nose up at Jack Raydor, remember that there is a Jack out there somewhere. In this character, I AM JACK!!!

Photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash

Maurice Bernier
Maurice Bernier

I am a diehard New Yorker! I was born, raised and love my NYC. My blood bleeds orange & blue for my New York Mets. I hope that you like my work. I am cranking them out as fast as I can. Please enjoy & share with your friends.

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