My Own Personal Soap Opera

SO. Here we go.

I was in a relationship for a year with an Army Boy and ended up breaking up with him in December 2018. However, I had my unofficial breakup within myself in October due to long distance and I wanted to give him the respect of doing it in person.

I am in my final year of university and some people from the year above came back into our year this September, as they had previously taken a placement year out as part of the course. So, that's how I met X.

Over the first semester (September to December), we were getting friendly until we only talked to each other in the breaks of the lectures, and then I noticed he would wait until I left at the end, so that he could walk out with me. One time he even made the excuse that my way home could be quicker for him as well.

We started messaging late November, early December, and we and nine others were going on a residential field trip to the Bahamas (we're English) in January.

Chatting, bantering, and flirting throughout all of the Christmas holidays, including some drunk calls and FaceTimes—as well as some sober ones—and then it was time for the trip.

The week started and oh my. We just settled in to acting as if we'd been married for years, sharing water bottles, bags, me packing them up and getting us both lunch, him carrying everything when we went on trips, me making sure he was hydrated and ate, sharing phone chargers, him always finding a way to sit next to me, me resting my legs or head on him... the whole course started shipping it.

THE LECTURERS WERE THE WORST!

The final night after we had done our final assessment, we had a barbecue and the lecturers got us all hammered—and yes, the built up tension... we made out, sloppily, drunk, in the Bahamas, on a balcony...

Then we returned to the UK.

We came back to university.

He went on a night out.

I went to bed on the Wednesday night with the last message at 6 PM simply reading: "Don't die!"

To wake up on Thursday morning to some very choice messages of a random girl... oh no. My heart sank.

I was blocked on everything. I felt sick. I didn't know what to do other than wait it out and see what happened.

About 2 PM, I got a message of him saying it was a great night, etc. I simply sent back the messages to get: "That's kinda true."

KINDA????

My head was spinning and he kept asking to explain in person... finally, though, I relented and told him he could come around to explain.

What I didn't expect was he turned up with his DOG. Okay, because today wasn't weird enough already, let's add a fluff ball to the mix.

After about two hours, we sorted everything out, and as much as we had no idea where we stood, he knew I didn't hate him and I knew he wasn't the complete sleeze ball I had started to think he was.

He went to leave and I went to check out the window to make sure he got out okay... but I never saw him. Next thing I hear a HUGE bang outside my door...

And there he is. RESTRAINING HIS KINDA GF KINDA EX IN MY HOUSE.

She had hacked his account, found out where I lived, waited outside until someone opened the door, and then ran in.

I ushered them both into my room and they proceeded to have a full-blown domestic... I was feeling out of place at this point, and I started playing with the dog—that was completely oblivious to everything.

She questioned me within an inch of my life and then he asked her for a personal chat as they went to leave.

I received radio silence for two and a half hours to be hit with an extreme apology and an expected "I understand if you never want to see me again" text.

He then phoned me too and convinced me to go for lunch the next day so that he could properly explain and apologise. I accepted.

He told me he had definitely broken up with her, but awkwardly, they're on the male and female versions of the same sports team at the university and, therefore, would have to still see each other.

We determined that for a while he needed to sort himself out and realise that he can be happy alone. But if he ever likes someone romantically and they can help him be his best version then don't question it and see how it goes.

It may be weeks, months, or years, but just go with the flow.

We were on good terms and had the week in our rearview mirror...

Until Saturday night.

Rugby was on, so he was slightly less than sober.

And my best friend and I were stressed, so we finished off a couple of bottles between us...

Saturday night ended with us in bed together. And Sunday morning started with us laughing so hard we cried.

I mean, you couldn't write it, right?

With the fear throughout Sunday that our Monday morning lecture would be super awkward... the fear was misplaced as we went back to being ourselves.

The PROBLEM:

1. The course is waiting for us to get together, which can't happen.
2. We're friends...
3. But we like each other.
4. We have this inability to stay away from each other.
5. We can't stop flirting.

So I like to say we're friends with feels.

We were friends before this, we both like each other as more than friends, but he can't be in a relationship right now.

As a 21-year-old girl, trying to write a dissertation, find a job, graduate, and deal with the fact that I like one of my course mates (so I have to see him everyday), who is also a friend, have a taste of what it could be, and know that I can't have it...

I'm at the point where I just have to laugh and embrace the absurdity of what I am currently living.