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My Private Soulmate

Trapped in Social Love World

Pic from Pinterest 

Attraction intertwines with individuals daily. It's natural for two individuals to cross paths. It takes patience getting to know the person before rushing into relationships. You finally established similarities and differences in building a special connection. You accept your mate's flaws and thank their accomplishments. You enter a sacred realm to keep your love lives between yourselves for a while. People from the outside world are getting curious because of your hiatus. Here is the catch! You having thoughts to post your mate on social media for the world to know who you are dating. The ambivalent feelings arise from your psyche manifesting into your soul. You are in a constant battle of should I post my mate on social media or not? Should I continue to remain private or keep it a secret?

Letting the social media world know your relationship or marital status takes a lot of guts. You post your partner or spouse for everyone to see. You will receive an assortment of personalities either congratulating or resenting your love life. It can range from jealousy because they are single or trapped in a relationship created out of thin air. Perhaps they thought it was love, but it was not reciprocated. Well, that is their problem if their lives are centered around who you are dating or sleeping with. Nobody can tell you how to run your life. Actually, some of your social media "friends" will treat you worse than your love one.

People tend to keep their love lives private. Relationship privacy can manifest itself into secrecy if they are not careful. There are plausible reasons why keeping their relationship status private works to their advantage. People on social media play a double face hypocrite role: invading loved one's DM's or making inappropriate comments on statuses and pictures. Facebook and Instagram are notorious for pathological hating behavior invading relationships. These devices do not destroy relationships; that argument is synonymous to food destroying health or cars killing people. However, the dysfunctional behavior behind social media can cause breakups. Not everyone has a jealous heart; there are individuals that exercise decorum to embrace a thriving union. The question is why people have to chase a person knowing they can't have or do not care to keep? Creating schemes to destroy unions say a lot of your character and judgment. 

Furthermore, the behaviors from your "friends" are so disingenuous. Take a step back and think critically for a minute. You have these "friends" on social media that never spoke to you before or they stop speaking to you for a long time. They will troll your Facebook status or Instagram posts and say nothing. Some of them will only talk to you only to pick a verbal fight with you (this mostly happens on Facebook. lol). One day you post a picture of your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend, and those same "friends" like your picture. The overt phony behavior from these individuals speaks volumes. This is synonymous to the club scene when nobody is pursuing each other but when two individuals make themselves known, they gossip.

Other reasons, such as the fickle mindset of relationships. People will get thrown off when relationship statuses frequently change over time. It is one thing that you do not want to show the social media world your significant other because of the backlash. Men will act insecure when they are pursuing a woman for so long only to see her man's picture who she has currently been dating for years. This will make men push harder to lure her away, only to face problems in the end. Likewise, women will date a man and he never shows her pictures only to find out they were a DM booty call all this time. He posts a woman he claims as his "wifey" for years.

However, the problem is people especially under the age of thirty do not display their significant other until a breakup occurs, only to throw them under the bus. The single but taken life attitude on social media confuses people. Some people do not care about confusing people on social media; they love the attention to fester with cute flirtatious DM messages to brazenly meeting the other lover while keeping it a secret. The adrenaline rush of having a side piece destroys trust in the end. That is a selfish act with desperation for attention from thirst buckets that do not matter in your life.

The hypocritical attitudes are overtly obvious. Some people conduct themselves as being single on social media but are in a relationship. Both sexes will entertain other people's pages knowing they have a loved one. This includes setting thirst traps, showing sanctity clad photos. This is a psychological lie compounded with insecurity to make yourself feel good. The likes and comments are at a higher regard than the union created with the other person. This is impractical behavior.

Is showing your significant other or not questions your status? Realistically, it is based on your discretion. If you have zero issues flaunting your significant other, more power to you. You can make your relationship private but not a secret. You can display photos of your mate but never air out dirty laundry or post every single detail. People can know who you are dating but they do not need to know the latest argument you two had last night. This is the apex of keeping love life private but a secret. Jay Z and Beyonce are the perfect example of having a private life but not secretive. Sure everyone knows they are married with children but nobody have to know what they ate for supper, their net worth (people can assume) or their favorite destinations of travel; they control what details in life that needs to be displayed. 

Whatever your decisions are, please keep all relationship problems off social media. Arguing in front of family and friends is synonymous to an open invitation to your relationship or marriage. Love spats on social media accelerate the invitation from these "relationship advisers" masquerading as friends snooping in your love life to ruin it. The temptation of receiving advice from strangers heighten your ego when looking for solutions to fix your relationship but will question your maturity in the process. Avoid airing out your frustrations in front of others at all cost, especially on social media. However, there are other methods to reach out to your friends for healthy advice. Unfortunately, a small percentage of individuals on social media will analyze the problem to find solutions for relationship retention. A majority of these social media "friends" will use relationship problems as leverage for their personal agenda only to sabotage the person's livelihood. Men and some women will pretend to fix the relationship with their "potential" mate who is in a relationship only to make their lives worse.

On the other hand, social media are not your parents. You do not have to post your loved one on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat for the world to see; only if you want to. Failure to document every detail of your love life does not necessarily equate to being a side piece, it depends on the circumstances the two individuals have created. It is a deft maneuver to sucker people into telling their whole life stories for entertainment purposes. People will send DMs all day long and make rude comments. It's up to you to show respect to the person you love and come clean that you are in a relationship. You do not have to entertain immature, rude behavior on the DM. If people do not show you relationship respect, block them because they were not your friends to begin with. The worst thing to do is engage in sneaky behavior knowing you do not have any love interest. 

Social media is a smaller world than we think. One thing for sure is nobody wants to be seen as a fool in real life. It is worse to be the butt of jokes on social media when your loved one is known across the globe in a negative light. Individuals have to be mindful when securing relationships, especially displaying for the world to see. There will be one jealous pig that will try to destroy a person's credibility. True facts or outright lies don't make a difference in the social media world. Unfortunately, people will believe anything these days, and hurtful assertions will stick as the truth. The "do not judge me" routine can only run so far; it does not supersede deliberate scrutiny from individuals that are diametrically oppose to your advancement. It is paramount to never have too many options because it can boomerang in your face which will devalue your dating potential.

Having options interconnects with relationship secrecy and creates a blemish on your dating prospects. Having options does not make you dating material. Once you grow old, your options will disappear; you will wish to have someone special by your side. Treat your dating history like a resume without the constant terminations. The only difference is too many terminations on your dating resume is not a good look. It sucks to have a dating resume full of side pieces, cheating mates, children with a co-parent you hate, and various mental health issues. It does not take a village to raise a couple. Relationships and marriages are only for individuals to explore, it is not a community indoctrination center. It is understandable that people can pretend to be in love. So is pretending to be happily single because you are "free." The only way you are free is when you are dead; nobody is checking for you. Cherish your private relationship. You will last longer with your mate, not against them.

Read next: Lucky Ones
Jefferson Jones

The perennial writer that expresses thoughts on dating, relationships and life lessons. It may not be easy but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Never a hand out, it's a hand up in the right direction! 

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My Private Soulmate
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