My Story with J.

Like when I spoke to and was associated with 👤 , most of this took place before I came out. And before I dated 🐧 .

I'd like to also add that I may be missing some fragments. I only seem to remember the specific events whenever I try typing out these things...

💩 and I went to school together.

I don't remember exactly how we met, but she latched herself onto me. None of my friends liked her, which I suppose should have been my first hint.

Anyway... she, for some reason, latched herself to me. And at the time, I didn't have real friends and so I sort of liked the fact that she liked me and wanted to hang out with me. I was lonely and desperate.

I hadn't realized before, until I looked it up, that she was a toxic person.

(I don't like people touching me. At all. I didn't like it then and it is almost unbearable for me now.)

She would always grab me and hug me, lean on me, even after I told her that I didn't like to be touched... as did my other friends, except 🐱 , so I just... let it go, until it made me extremely uncomfortable. Even after explaining that being touched made me uncomfortable, 💩 continued to do so.

After some time, we started doing hanging out at her church on Wednesdays (it's not my religion, but I was lonely).

This one event in particular, the church group went bowling and she invited me, so I went. At this point I was very cautious around her because she did things disregarding my feelings... but I still hung out with her because I was desperate for friends.

Anyway, I was texting an ex boyfriend (only other relationship I've had that wasn't toxic) and he was getting flirty and making me feel good about myself. 💩 was around, so she saw some messages, and kept making side comments about how the events were making her "hot." I can't remember exactly what she said, but it was along the lines of "taking care of it." And so she got up and walked...

I went with her... and she walked to the bathroom. I could feel my body tensing as we walked in. I kept my hands in my pockets. Honestly, I don't think I thought she really meant it. She was always making stupid and sexual comments and jokes. She then stepped behind me and ran her hands down my body. I don't think she went farther than that. My body froze. (This was before my relationship with 🐧 .) I was paralyzed. All I could do was close my eyes tightly when a woman walked in and made 💩 jump back. My heart was fucking pounding and I felt like it was going to come out of my chest. After the lady left, I hurried out to leave as well. 💩 proceeded to laugh a bit nervously and talk about how "that was close."

I couldn't really think about anything else after that...

Thankfully, we left shortly after. So, while I still had to be around her, her mother gave me a ride home shortly after.

I tried to avoid her the next few months. Of course, given that we went to the same high school, I couldn't completely do that. I think the longest I went without seeing her was one year, until we had classes together. She expressed interest in hanging out with me and I just... couldn't deny. Nothing like that happened again, but she would frequently point out that she was "stronger" than me and could "easily beat me up" as a way to get me to agree, agree to doing or attending certain things. She'd also continue to grab and touch me (not sexual), and made it a point to point out every time I flinched or cringed because she hurt me.

At a certain point, I had come out and gone by the name "Alex" openly. She, however, refused to accept that or do so. She flat out told me that I will always be "insert birth name" to her, and that, basically, she will never call me my preferred name.

She would also deliberately call me "she/her" in front of and when introducing me to people, completely disregarding how that made me feel. Another thing that I tried talking to her about that she... ignored, basically.

I started using my mother or relatives as excuses to get her to stop asking me out to things. Saying that I had family things or that my mother just said no because she wanted me home.

As time went on, she continued with the unwanted touching and grabbing and hugging. She would give me strange compliments like calling me "hot" or kissing my cheek... which only brought me more discomfort.

She had asked both myself and my mother when I would be "done with the depression" stuff, which was nothing new. She made light of my illnesses (told me not to be a baby a few times in regards to my social anxiety) whilst claiming to be mentally ill herself.

I'm not good at confrontation. I hate letting people down or disappointing them, or when people get angry and yell at me. It makes me anxious. So, the longer I was exposed to her, the harder it was for me to "let her down" and tell her that I couldn't have her around, because it was starting to hurt... I physically ached when I saw her.

With assistance from 🐱., I no longer talk to her, nor do I see her around.