My Thoughts on Dating

My first dating experience I was in the 12th grade and we started out as friends and got along very well. I wouldn't say I loved him, but I really liked him.

I went to a boarding school where most people were dating and the rest saw us as "Bad Girls." I just wanted to try this dating that everyone was talking about and he felt like the right one. I had never had my first kiss, something I had told myself I would never do until I was very serious about the relationship and who I was dating.

As you can guess I didn't keep that promise. Influenced by my friends, I decided to kiss him after our first two months. I regret that 'cause soon after he told me that he was still in love with his ex and he wasn't sure if they had broken up. I was shocked and stunned for words, but we kept on dating until after my graduation.

I was going to school out of the country. I called him and told him we had to end our relationship, not because of his ex but because I was leaving and there was no way I was going to deceive myself with a long-distance relationship. I would just be deceiving myself. We broke up on the best of terms and still spoke to each other even after I left.

That was, until some months after I had left, I got a call from a friend. She was like a sister to me, telling me she had something to tell me. Immediately, I answered the call. She started by saying she was sorry. I couldn't think of anything she should have been sorry for until she started talking. He had come to visit her with a friend of theirs, they were chatting and stuff, then their friend stepped out to answer a phone call, leaving them alone as they kept on talking. He changed his seat to be a little bit closer to her as they kept talking and before she knew it, he kissed her.

Shocked, she pushed him away, moving away from him. His answer was that it just happened, but that she shouldn't tell me (I hadn't left for school then). So, she kept it a secret for four months before telling me. I felt hurt and betrayed. I couldn't talk to her so I cut the call and cried myself to sleep. It was hard talking to them and not feeling betrayed. When I confronted him, he apologized but made it seem like my fault.

To most people who knew about this, they told me he didn't cheat. I asked that if he didn't cheat, what did he do? What else can you call that if not cheating? That's the reason why I doubt I would ever be able to date again without feeling anxious and suspicious and I don't want to put myself through that.

A friend of mine, who was in a relationship for a year, just had a break up yesterday. Her reason was because he disrespected her and didn't listen to her thoughts and he didn't like most of her friends. They had broken up about ten times in a year and most of the time for no reason and other times for really serious reasons.

With the way most relationships are turning out, I think for now I would cross dating off my To-Do List because it would feel stressful and I am not yet able/ready to open myself to the Dating World. For once, I just want to decide for myself and not follow the crowd.

These are my personal thoughts on dating.