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My girlfriend and I just recently moved to a new city. We lived there about three months and we still haven’t made any friends. The jobs we worked at didn’t really give us opportunity. We both worked with older people with little kids, so they didn’t go out a lot. We went to bars, but it’s hard to get a conversation going when it’s so loud and people are so drunk.
We decided to join Tinder. Yes, I have been on Tinder before and had a few one night stands. I have seen profiles that were just looking for friends and no hook-ups. I thought we could do the same. I understand Tinder has the stereotype for people hooking up with people, but my girlfriend and I hoped there could still be some decent humans out there.
As the journey started out we just swiped right on guys and girls that said they were new to the town also or just wanted to meet new people. We thought it made sense because their profile matched ours with just trying to meet new people. Once we got several matches we started to message them. Well I would message. My girlfriend didn’t have to worry because she would always get the guys that message her first while I had to be the one initiating the conversation.
On each of our profiles we have at least one picture of each other together and we have our profile either with a rainbow flag, or stating we have a girlfriend, just looking for friends. Yet, we still get the guys that will try and hit on us. We don’t care if they say we are pretty or gorgeous. That’s a compliment and it means no harm. But after the weird small talk they always get sexual.
Here is an example:
“Wow you are gorgeous!”
“Oh I’m at work, you?”
“I’m smoking. When I get high I get turned on.”
“Oh um okay?”
“What time you get off want to smoke with me, maybe turn me on some more?”
“No I have a girlfriend, just looking for friends…”
“Oh you’re gay? Like a girl-girl relationship?”
“Yes my profile says so…”
My girlfriend and I share experiences and can’t help but laugh. Why would he go right to being turned on? He said he is looking for friends to go on adventures with and saw that I was gay, yet he still tries to get me to come over…
My profile has my Snapchat on there because I like snapping people. That was a bad idea. I have had several penis pictures sent to me. We don’t even talk, I just get a picture of it. “Where did you get my snap?” “Tinder.” “Well on Tinder it says I have a girlfriend, meaning I’m gay, I don’t like penises.”
How do they not get it? Men don’t want women to think that they are perverts or douche bags, but I get why women think that. I clearly state that I am looking for friends. You should know that I mean I want friends, not friends with benefits. I clearly state I am in a relationship. You should know that I am loyal (most people that are in open relationship say they are). I clearly state I like girls. You should know I don’t want a picture of your penis. I understand not every guy is on Tinder is like this and the creeps ruin it for them.
I would occasionally talk to a guy that would actually hold a conversation. They would talk football or actually care about what I listen to for music. Then they would ask if I am single. I say I have a girlfriend and they stop responding. Like is it a sin that I have a girlfriend or are you just mad that I don’t want to suck your dick?
Finally when I am comfortable with a guy, meaning we are having a conversation for a while about life, not sex, I would give him my number. Then he starts getting sexual. Like giving you my number means I want you and me naked together? I just didn’t want to go into my app anymore. Texting is easier. I would tell them that if they want to hang I would prefer we go to a bar; my girlfriend, him, and me. That way we can all be friends and it’s in a public space.
Isn’t that sad right there? That we (women) want to meet up in a public place for our safety. That’s what the society of meeting new people has gotten to.
So I let him know and am open about it all. I say public place with my girlfriend. Then they start asking if he can watch us together. Or if we can make out in front of him. Or if he could join. I JUST DON’T GET IT. How are men wired this way? Constantly thinking every woman wants sex with him.
My girlfriend ended up deleting her Tinder because she was sick of all the inappropriate comments. She wasn’t really into it anyway and wouldn’t respond to messages. I don’t blame her. I continued to match and message people. The guys were the same though. Either got sexual right away or stopped talking to me as soon as I told him I was with a girl. It was the girls that made it fun.
The bisexual women or lesbians on Tinder actually respected me and my girlfriend. I have made three friends now from that app. All women. We talk about what we want to do, our jobs, and what we do for fun. They knew right off the bat that I had a girlfriend and we were just looking for friends. They respected that. Nothing sexual came up ever. We haven’t hung out yet, but have plans to.
Overall, Tinder is a dirty app for guys and a friendship app for women.