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#MyWorstDate He Was 'Obsessed' With Mormons

The Date to End All Dates, Featuring Vegan Pizza

By Mattie WoodsidePublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Basically My Reaction the Entire Time

Just to preface this, I've been on a date recently where I ended up in the ER. And the date I'm about to tell you all was worse than going to the ER. Does that make sense?

Worse than the ER.

I'd rather go back to the ER than repeat this date.

Ya get me? Are we on the same page? Good.

I think mistake number one was that I met this guy on Tinder. Mistake number two was his mustache. (I'm sorry. It was creepy.) But mistake number three was my hopefulness that I was going to have a nice, casual, good time. So young. So naive.

I made my way into the city to meet up with him. He had asked me to attend a hot yoga class with him and I knew myself well enough to know that if I can't walk up a flight of stairs without wheezing, I was not about to partake in hot yoga. So he agreed to meet up with me for food. He was much shorter in person than I expected, which wasn't a big deal, but it was a little odd having to literally look down at him whenever I spoke to him. That ended up being somewhat ironic and symbolic by the time the date was over. Also he was wearing a women's full length pea coat... which if nothing else just really threw me off. I would have respected it more if he was pulling it off. He was not pulling it off.

He took me to a popular pizza place, told me it was delicious, and then told me he was vegan. I told him my parents were vegan but that I wasn't. He then proceeded to go ahead and order for both of us, without asking what I wanted. A large vegan cheese pizza with whole wheat crust was placed in front of me. So basically, if pure evil took a form, it was this pizza. And this dude CHOWED DOWN. And because I try to be a nice person and he paid for this pizza, I set a goal to eat one piece. It was awful. I barely choked the pizza down before he started asking questions that led to me wondering if I needed to run away as fast as I could.

After a series of questions, he discovered I was a Mormon. His eyes became... wider, like someone just revealed a secret to him that he had been waiting to hear for a million years. He inched closer. With each new piece of information I gave him about being Mormon, he leaned in closer to me, placed his hands nearer to me. The red flags started popping up, but I didn't want to judge him, and I figured he was just really curious... until he spoke these words with a smile creepily spreading across his face,

"I have to tell you, I am VERY obsessed with Mormons."

This is it. I am going to die in this dude's basement. I knew after he said that that he didn't have any real questions about Mormonism. He just had some weird obsession with Mormons in general. He told me about a short story he wrote a couple years back about two Mormon missionaries he had met.

Yup. I am definitely going to die in his basement.

From the pizza place, he left to go next door and buy some champagne for a party one of his friends was having. Mistake number four was going to this party. Not because of the party atmosphere, although I usually do not like that type of atmosphere, especially since I don't drink. Mistake number four was allowing this guy to get closer to me than I should have let him. I watched him drink five cups, not glasses, of champagne and probably some other things, as well. I was actually enjoying the conversations I had with the people I was only just meeting. Many of them were not from the United States and I talked to them about their transition into the country, what the hardest part was, and what they enjoyed the most. My date was busy getting drunk, and trying to put his hands on me with no success because I was very sober and my cat-like reflexes were no match for his inaccurate body movements severely hindered by the alcohol. I tried to be polite to everyone else, though, even with the drunk leech that stuck to me.

Finally, I knew it was time to go. I told him I needed to get back and he offered to walk me to the T station. I accepted, feeling like it probably was safer to walk with someone. But our conversation back to the station was less than enjoyable. For a good fifteen minutes, he questioned my beliefs, disrespected my standards, and completely ripped me apart because I would not have sex with him. I repeated that I was happy with my beliefs and with my choices. But he continued to tell me that I was brainwashed, that I didn't really know how to be happy or live the right way. And if that was his opinion, then so be it. But he was relentless about accepting that I was me and that I was not going to change for anyone, especially not him.

We reached the T stop. Finally. Freedom. Not soon enough.

As if to make some stupid, lasting impression, he grabbed me as I was about to walk down the steps, pulled me up on to him, trying to get my legs around him, and proceeded to make some vulgar movements. There were people walking by, watching this happen, not knowing what was going on and giving weird looks, naturally. I shoved this guy away from me so hard I swear he almost stumbled back and hit his head on the brick building behind. Then I ran all the way down the steps to the T station, never looking back, never slowing down until I was on the train headed back home.

I never saw him again. I had never been so humiliated and insulted. And on a date, for that matter! I understand he was in the wrong. I also understand that I could have made different choices that evening, which is why after that date, I thought, "No more." No more dates with guys who will not respect or uphold my standards and beliefs. No more thinking that I deserve less than I do. It was time to raise the bar not only for the guys I wanted to date in the future, but for myself as well. And that's exactly what I did. Goodbye to the vegan pizza-eating, women's pea coat-wearing, mustache, creepy, hot yoga man!

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About the Creator

Mattie Woodside

Mattie is 25 year old Christian who trained professionally as a ballet dancer for 17 years then found her love for writing in college. She graduated with a degree in marketing in 2018 and now lives in Utah with her shelter kitty, Daphne.

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