Narcissistic Abuse Happens to Men, Too!

It’s important to raise awareness of Narcissistic Abuse, but as we do we need to remember this happens to men too. Below is the story of Craig who still after many years suffers symptoms left behind from the abuse and he lives in hope to this day that he will one day be able to return back to his home in Bedfordshire.

When I met this woman I was feeling particularly vulnerable, having recently split from a woman with whom I was deeply in love with. I soon realised that this woman was cheating on me and not with just one but many. I felt my life crumble around me as I had believed this relationship was the one.

During this period I was home alone in my flat watching the television when I heard some women fighting in the flat downstairs. I was concerned at the extent of the screaming and so I raced down to the flat below and found a woman being assaulted by 3 other ladies, all much larger than her. I pulled the women off her and brought the beaten lady up to my flat, where I then called the police for her. She asked me if I would go with her to the police station and from there on we began a relationship.

The relationship moved very quickly and at her insistence I gave up my flat in Reading and moved in with her. I believed her when she claimed we would be together forever. She knew exactly how to make me feel good, she claimed I was the best lover she’d had and in my fragile state, she repaired my bruised ego and I quickly became entrapped in some kind of spellbound adoration of her.

She was going through a particularly difficult divorce and despite the strain this was causing on our relationship I continued to support her through this difficult time.

It wasn’t long before I realised that she became entirely irrational once she had a glass of red wine and this appeared to be a nightly occurrence. I also found out that as well as heavy drinking she had a problem with drugs. It was really at this point I should have made my escape but by then she had me completely infatuated with her. I accepted her disgusting treatment of me.

In the 2 years we were together the police were called at least 64 times and each and every time I would refuse to press charges against her and even agree with her version of events, landing myself facing charges and in a police cell, despite the fact I was covered in blood and bruises. She even went as far as to stab me in the chest and hit me over the head with a heavy duty torch; yet still I kept quiet.

I lived in complete fear, continually injured; the neighbours and the police knew what she was doing but no one spoke up, which just gave me confirmation that I should be ashamed and I continued to take the abuse in silence.

I’m not a weak man physically but I just never could bring myself to hurt a female and I knew that she had bipolar disorder, so she would play the sympathy card each time I tried to leave and my love for her still remained so strong

I became isolated from family and friends and in time I was not even allowed to go to the shops. The beatings were so regular that it was easier just not to leave the house rather than face the fear and shame of someone realising what was happening to me.

I’m even more mortified to say that she had some peculiar, sexually, deviant requests and I allowed her to sexually abuse me, doing things to me to this day, I cannot repeat out loud. My addiction and trauma-bond to her was so great that it seemed as if I was doomed to remain in her clutches forever.

Eventually after me begging her on so many occasions to change her ways, to the point that my dignity was floored. By this point she was taking a cocktail of drugs and openly sleeping with other men. The final turning point for me was one evening, here I was, yet again, begging her and crying, “Why are you doing this to me?” She locked me in the garage to prevent me from leaving, she then fetched a claw hammer from the tool box and tried to smash my knee caps in. I quickly fled and knew I had to get away, far away.

I fled to Scotland, but still she would not leave me alone. She was so persistent and I was still addicted to her, I needed to see her, I was still blindsided and so I started sneaking around and lying to those around me who by now knew about the abuse. This carried on for a number of months but she eventually gave me an ultimatum, I left Scotland for good and moved back to her or it was over. I knew this time I had to escape and so I blocked her, fled back to Scotland and cut all further ties. To this day I can still be triggered back to those awful times. I wanted to share my story as I know exactly how difficult it is for men to stand up and say this is happening to them too. I hope by sharing this it will encourage other men to stand up and share their own stories.

Thank you Craig (identity and locations changed) for sharing this difficult story with me.

Written by Sarah Warrington