Never Saw It Coming

He walked in. I went for a kiss. He turned his head. I was confused. He said we need to talk. I crumbled from the inside out. He said it's not you, it's me. I said if it's you, shouldn't this be my decision? He said "I put you through too much, I can't do what you do for me." This is true.

For weeks life had been tough. Trying to make things as easy for him as possible. Putting my thoughts and wants on the back burner because he needed this. I made my life tough so his could be easy, so that he would know how much I cared about him. I had the choice for weeks to let things end, but when something gets hard, momma taught me to work through it.

He on the other hand, did not have to do anything. I made sure that I was the least stressful thing in his life and that still wasn't good enough. He was doing me a favor by breaking up with me. It sure didn't feel that way.

To him, there was no other way to put it. Three months in and he just couldn't do it. There was nothing wrong with me, he just needed space. He was not sure what was going on with him and didn't want to hurt me. Yet the memories we shared, I will never be able to replace.

Things were not all sunshine and rainbows, there was work that needed to be done. He talked, I listened. He took, I gave. I let him feel like he was a king. That when he was over he did not need to do a thing.

Now there he was, sitting beside me saying that it's over. That he couldn't do it anymore, there would be no do-over. He said he was sorry, he did want to do this, but he didn't see anything improving. But I was not the problem, he said, it was all him. All I could do was look down at my bed and know that this was the end.

I'm sitting there broken, as he's leaving feeling like everything is fine. I will never forget his last line, "I hope at the end of the day we can still talk," like you just took my love as a token you used to play a game, you're leaving me here now broken.

The truth hit me later. It was his fault and not mine. Things were on the rocks and I was willing to put in the time. But in this day and age, my generation has a different way of thinking. I was taught, if you want something you have to put in the work, you have to put in the time and effort to make it work. Lately, if something's broken, people just throw it away and get something new. People don't want to put in the work because everything else in their lives is easy, it's at their fingertips.

The worst part is; those who try are often left asking why? Why did this happen? Why all of a sudden? Why...why do I feel so broken? I crumbled and was broken and my world was falling apart. I spent days thinking about our relationship from the start. All the good times and bad, the little fights and the sweetest things. I kept wondering where was it that I went wrong, what did I do to deserve this.

As time passes on the pain fades away. Slowly. Like a part of me still wants to understand why. But I will never be able to understand why you wanted to throw everything away and not even try to make things right.