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Not All Friendships Are Good

Don't worry, good friends aren't hard to find.

By K MillerPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Friends

I used to think I wasn't good at friendships/making friends/maintaining friendships. However, I think I've realised it was the people I was making friends with, are just not for me.

If I'm being honest, I feel as though friends/the need to have friends is just something your brain tells itself it needs for that semi-level of companionship, y’know? Like a relationship but not full on… In most cases.

In my life, I’ve had friendships that have lasted ten years or more. Although it came to my attention that they were just friendships of situation. I was friends with those people purely because we’ve been in school together since reception (first grade), so those were the experiences we’ve shared and had the most in common. However, with one of them, I kind of split with them when going off to college so we don't really speak anymore because of the difference in things going on in life, which can be seen as interesting having something new to talk about, but the conversations about it can only last so long before it goes into that tedious small talk. But maybe that’s my lack of communication, confidence, etc. The other friend I've been with for ten years also is actually attending the same college as me but that's also getting tedious because it's gone from talking about primary school to talking about secondary school, to talking about what happens at college, so again, not very much change. But I've noticed that friend got a little bit... I don't want to say clingy but very opinionated in regards to the new friends I've made. It’s very annoying but that's a whole other story.

I've had multiple other friendships throughout the years and only a few stick out for me. Those two I mentioned previously and a few others.

In this other particular friendship, I gradually grew more close to this person during the beginning of the first weeks of secondary school. She was a lot smarter than me and we were both musicians and we shared the same humour, so that was good for me. Eventually, we became best friends and we would message one another on this thing from back in the day called BBM (hey, remember Blackberry phones? My goodness that was a long time ago) and we would talk every single day. But after a while, this friend and I would frequently argue… Well, I wouldn't, she would constantly get mad with me and I would just let it happen because I don't like arguing with people etc. (Again, another different story). Over this app we would fight about the pettiest things and then when we’d see each other in school, there would either be apologies or we’d just pretend it never happened. Now I don't remember when but thankfully that slowly stopped and I think we just barely talked on the app afterward and in school, the timetable became a little different so I barely saw her in lessons, only music which we still had in common so we would frequently hang out together in the music department. All these years later and we still see each other occasionally and sometimes hang out (I see her weekly after my jazz band session and my mom takes her home) but even now after all these years (not to directly quote the legend that is: Camila Cabello) I still don't understand what that friendship was even about. When I actually remember all the gritty details, it was actually fairly toxic. I mean it's all good now but imagine if it stayed the same with the fights, well I'd hope that I'd have been smart enough to jump ship, but I wasn't very smart back then. And then I realise that the reason I stopped talking to her so often was to avoid that so maybe that unintentionally helped.

I was tempted to talk about another kinda-sorta failed friendship but nope. Friendships can actually be super great.

For instance, I have an internet friend. She is my bestest friend ever and she will never be replaced (unless she did something terribly stupid, then maybe I might reconsider that title). I've been friends with her for roughly five years and it's been so calm and like, just the right type of friendship I needed through the circumstances I was in at the time we started talking. We’re from the same country and we have plenty of the same interests and it seems truly lifelong, unlike all the other friendships I’ve had (excluding like two people from that statement who are also my lifelong buds). Actually, those other two lifelong buds, I met them back in secondary school and as a trio, we’ve become very close and I find that great too.

For these three friendships in particular, I noticed a pattern! With the internet friend, yes I've known her for a very long but I'm not with her face to face every single day so that keeps things new and the fact that we live in two different places, there's new things to talk about there too and all sorts of other things. With the two from secondary school, I didn't know them from the very beginning of secondary school and only near the last maybe two years did I start getting as close as I am with them. I think I get bored, not in a rude “I want to get away from you as fast as possible” but also kind of like that. I don't know. It's like recently I realised I can only be around people/out with certain friends for a certain amount of hours and that's because I get either bored or irritable with the way they are which sounds extremely rude but I'm not intending for it to come across in such a way.

The fact that I haven’t been around the good friends for a long time or face to face constantly, like I was with the two I've been friends with for ten years or the friend I would fight with because I'd be with them all day at school and then want to speak with all night, is the reason I have good friendships with the good people. I'm able to have new and different conversations with the good friends because I didn't know them for as long, to then learn it all quickly and then be hit with the repetitiveness of their lives and instead, I get to learn things about them that I don't know. I think with the ‘bad’ friendships, it was all just a bit of overkill.

I have plenty of other college friends too who are good friends, again, because I barely know them! It's not like I am immediately your friend because I know you, I guess it's the lack of familiarity to then learning more about the person is what makes friendship just that little bit more interesting. But I don't know.

friendship
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About the Creator

K Miller

I enjoy writing during the very late hours of the night.

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