Not on the Same Page

"I have a couple hours if you wanna meet tomorrow?"

"I have meetings, so I'll have to let you know tomorrow afternoon. Is that ok?"

"Sure"

This would only be the second time we had met in the last 2 months since we had started talking. We had grown quite fond of each other via email and texting but some of what he would say made me question what it would be like to step outside the virtual world and into real life. The first time we met was very brief at a food court at the local mall as I worked at one of the stores in it. We both agreed that this was going to be a meeting to establish that we were in fact real people, not catfishers or the like. I had noticed things on that first meeting that due to its extremely short length I let slide, like the fact that I was eating my lunch but he wasn't eating any lunch himself. That is absolutely not a red flag given the circumstances, however, being the person I am, I made a mental note of it. He also seemed to stare at me a lot with little to say while I carried the whole conversation with small chit-chat in between bites. He was smiling the whole time so again, it wasn't a red flag, a little weird I thought but also circumstantially, could be considered flattering. After I finished eating I had to get back to the store I worked in and he had to get back to his office job, but he still walked me to the entrance of where I worked in a gentlemanly form which I thought was classy of him. Though again, I made a mental note that he walked about 3 paces behind me. I don't typically walk fast so I thought it was another little oddity but again I let that slide as circumstantially I chalked it up to him watching my butt while I walked, I guessed. He was still all smiles as we said goodbye, we hugged and I kissed his shirt where his chest was as I turned to walk away. I thought nothing of it because why would I, this wasn't an actual date. It was simply to acknowledge each others' reality in life and the meeting did exactly that, little else.

So when I asked if he wanted to meet up again a few weeks later it was again not so much as a date to me because I knew I didn't have the time to allow for the proper date protocol, but I was still curious, hence the invitation. When he texted the next day he said that he could be there around 5:30 and he asked where I wanted to meet. I said the local coffee shop as we both lived and worked within relative proximity to each other. He agreed and that was that. Now, like I said before, in our initial meeting I didn't let things raise red flags, but what it did do was put slight taints in my mind that made me get there a half hour before our meeting time so that I could eat something before he got there. Multiple times throughout our past conversations he had told me that he rarely eats, which is OK, but what do you do with that kind of statement if you actually start dating someone. I had said that to him in our conversations and all he ever said was that it didn't matter to him, he would still go out to eat with me. Here is where it starts to cause an issue with me though. I don't want to sit and eat in front of someone who is not eating with me. To me, that starts to make me feel as if I'm entertainment for you, not an equal accompanying you to things of shared enjoyment in life.

In any case, when he got there, I was in fact done with my food and only had my tea left in front of me while I worked on my school work. I was seated at a table that was facing the entrance of the place so I was afforded a quick glance of him walking in before he actually got to where I was.

"You're late," I said as I continued to scan my book for notes to write down in my notebook. I didn't honestly care, it was more of something to say in an effort to not simply do the cliche "Hi." I believe my tone was not accusing and he knew me enough to not have that as an issue for him.

"Too many lights," He said as he sat down, not removing his jacket.

"Oh, OK," I replied back as I closed my book and set my stuff aside. That was when the awkward weirdness started. I am not one who does extremely well with awkward silence or feeling that I always have to carry a conversation in any certain atmosphere. It causes me to start rambling in an effort to create conversation. It also causes me to say dumb stuff that makes me nervously laugh and then say more dumb stuff. Which he was smiling at and occasionally laughing at, but that only caused me to feel that I was his amusement as he was not offering up much of his own things to talk about. Though we had covered almost every subject in our text and email conversations, I still believe that two people should be able to comfortably create dialogue while in each other's physical company. After what I deemed was enough of that, I looked at him and asked: "What is going on in that head of yours?"

His reply is what started the end. "Well, I can't say."

"What do you mean you can't say? Is it inappropriate? Rude? Do you want to leave?" I asked as any normal person would with that stance of defense that has a way of creeping in when someone says they can't say what their thinking. It was a dumbfounding remark considering we had talked about so much for the last two months. Here is where the red flags started waving like they were in pre-hurricane weather.

He stammered. "I was wondering if that bread behind the counter is chocolate." He was fidgeting with his fingers. Looking up at me and looking at his fingers. Still smiling but also making some weird facial expressions that I wasn't sure of their meaning, or if they had meaning.

Now I am no fool but at this point in my life, I am also not an expert on exactly what all body and verbal language mean. Was he lying, and thinking something else he didn't want to share and therefore trying to divert? Was he telling the truth and not wanting to say because he thinks that thought was silly and not worth sharing? Or did he not want to share that he was thinking this silly thought cause he really was bored and wasn't interested in my rambling? So in true me form, I got up and walked over to the counter and looked for a label. There was none. I walked back to the table and said: "I think it's brown bread, not chocolate." I did all of this with a smile because what was the point of forcing him to open up. He had told me when we first started talking that he was somewhat socially awkward, however, he had also gone on to tell me stories of social experiences he's had in life that made me question the depth of this awkwardness. So which is it? Can it be both? More so, do I want to deal with figuring it out? I did like him, as he was easy to talk to over text and email, but was that enough to have this grow into something that could become romantic? With every weird look he gave me and all his non-communication I was really leaning towards friend zone.

What makes this the worst date is that I was not, nor really ever was looking at this as a date. To me, this was still a figuring things out stage. Maybe I am the only girl in the world who did this then and still would, but I feel these are important steps before dates should take place. Apparently, to him though, it was a date. To me, though, if it was a date, then wouldn't he have ordered at least a drink? Which I had asked him if he was going to do, and he actually scrunched up his face as if appearing to think about it till I said, "It's OK if you don't," and he immediately relaxed and said, "Yeah, no." To which I replied OK as I sipped my tea. Then he furthered this thought by adding that he felt coffee shops were "pretentious." Now, I love that everyone has an opinion, that makes the world interesting; but at that comment, I was inclined to ask, "Then why did you agree to meet me here?" I loathed his answered. I am sure there are many women out there that would find it endearing, but to me, it is flat out lazy. "Because it's where you wanted to meet, and I'd go wherever you want to go."

I responded in true me form that is what I feel is honest and clear. "Thank you, but that's not cool. I would rather go somewhere we both will enjoy, that way I don't have to show up early to eat and you don't just sit there staring at me off and on." I wasn't mean when I said it, but I think in retrospect maybe I should have said it with more edge in my voice then complaint. As it didn't seem to register.

Finally, towards the end of all this awkward interaction that was filled with loose talk (that was nothing like how he would talk over email or text), he brought up something he had said in one of his emails that he didn't like outside germs. What he meant by this was that when he was at work he didn't shake hands or hug co-workers because he didn't know where they had been. OK, that's all well and good and I have no issue with that thinking, except that that isn't me. "Well, then you can't hug me, bubble boy," I said in a somewhat fun way as we stood up to leave.

He looked at me with a questioning look, "Why?"

"Because I work around snotty kids all day and everything about me is covered in germs. If a little girl gives me a hug for showing her the perfect outfit I don't push her away. I hug her back and say she is very welcome. That is a part of my job that I love. It's a part of my job that gives me a cold at least 3 times a year, too." I was matter-of-fact but kind in my words, I had my books in my arm and a smile on my face, though I was thinking god, I just want this to be over. As we walked out I was again 3 paces in front of him heading to my car, not necessarily caring if he didn't follow me, but he did. I bent down and started my car while I put my stuff on the passengers' seat and when I stood back up he was still standing there. I went to give him a kiss on the cheek since he had been harping on the fact that I kissed his chest on our last meeting (he was considerably taller than me and we weren't dating, and I had to explain this to him) when he turned his head to full-on kiss me. I was NOT expecting this in the least and while there was nothing wrong with the kiss, there was nothing in the kiss on my end. I was so taken aback that all I could say was, "But I taste like tea." Protocol, where was the protocol? This wasn't a date. I didn't feel that I lead him to think that it was, or that I was thinking beyond the friend-zone.

Later that night he texted me and I ignored it, instead choosing to text back the next morning that I had fallen asleep early. Then I didn't say anything else and blocked his phone number on my phone (I know that was drastic, it was more for me not to get pulled in when I didn't want to send mixed signals). So in not hearing from me he emailed me the next day wondering if I was OK and I emailed back that he didn't need to worry I was fine but that we weren't on the same page at all, that I felt that I wasn't what he was looking for, thank you for being himself and good luck in finding that special girl. We have not spoken since and thankfully also not seen each other around town either. #MyWorstDate