Not So Perfect Love Story

On a day that seemed to be just like any other, the unthinkable happened and my life change drastically. It was June 26th, 2011 and it all started with a Facebook friend request. The girl of my dreams had just accepted me. I was at work when happened but when I got off/home I noticed that she also sent a message. So, I responded…

Marriana: Hey! Where do I know you from?

Me: Hey and sorry but I don’t think we do know each other. It’s never too late to change that though.

Marriana: True. Why do we have so many friends in common? Did you go to Hightower High?

…and that’s how it all began. We messaged each other for hours. The conversation ended up lasting for days. Then one day we exchanged numbers and that’s when things really took off. We would text/talk from sun-up until sun-down. It was mostly random/silly stuff, but it was awesome. I ended up going on vacation for most of July which halted the meeting process, but it didn’t stop us from talking.

One night while hanging with my cousin(s) they started asking about this mystery girl that I had been texting pretty much every second.

Cousin(s): So who’s the girl? Girlfriend?

Me: *laughs* No! Not yet anyway.

Cousin(s): Why did you say it like that? What’s wrong with her?

Me: *laughs* Nothing… We just started talking, that’s all.

Cousin(s): Well let us see what she looks like!

So, I go onto Facebook and pull up her profile for them to see.

Me: Here she is…

Cousin(s): Aww she’s hella pretty!

Me: I know right.

Cousin(s): Good Job cuzzo!

They continue looking through her profile.

Cousin(s): Hey Brandon, I though you said she was asleep right now?

Me: I said probably. Why what’s up?

Cousin(s): Here, check this out. She’s talking to some guy named Martin. He’s in the Air Force and he lives in Las Vegas and he wants her to visit him.

Me: Okay, it’s time for you guys to log off. Besides, that’s just a friend from her high school or could even be a relative for all you guys know.

Cousin(s): Get you girl!

Me: Shut up man, log out!

I didn’t think much of it and even forgot about it. We continued to talk the whole time that I was away. She was my first thoughts in the morning and my last at night. Even while I was on our annual family cruise all that I could think about was getting back mainland, so we could talk. Once I finally got back to Georgia (August) we decided that it was time for us to meet. She was coming to Atlanta for an interview (she lived in Cobb County), so we figured that afterwards we could spend time together. We ended up going to Atlantic Station and that day/night was something special! Just like on Facebook and over the phone, we just clicked. Everything was perfect, except for what I ordered for dinner. After that things started to get a little more serious.

One day, we randomly started talking about hating Georgia and wanting to leave.

Me: I totally need to leave this horrible state!

Marriana: Yes! Me too!

Me: A road trip would be nice.

Marriana: Definitely! I’m planning this trip to Vegas but I’m keeping it top secret hush hush. Shhh….

Me: lol why?

Marriana: Do you want me to die? Lol my mom would kill me!

I didn’t think much about it at first, but then suddenly something clicked. I remembered what my cousin(s) showed me over the summer. My mind began to wander all over the place, but I didn’t say anything because I really wasn’t supposed to know about the conversation they had. Plus, I didn’t think she would go anyway. Later, that same week she told me that she ended up getting that job she interviewed for and how she booked like 5-6 modeling gigs, so she was going to be extremely busy for about 3-4 weeks. So of course, during this time we didn’t talk as often as we normally would but whenever we did it seemed to be only when she was bored. It was okay at first but then it started feeling as if we were growing a little distant. During this time, I began to think to myself, that it was also time for me to make things official. I started writing up this perfect date/proposal (asking out) idea.

I ended up texting her one morning so that we could plan the surprise date.

Me: Hey!

Marriana: Hey love! Guess what?

Me: What’s up?

Marriana: I’m on the train!

Me: lol where are you going?

Marriana: To the airport for my trip!

Me: Oh, lol. Coolness!

I honestly don’t know if I was mad or sad, it was a weird feeling. For one I didn’t think she was really going, two I planned for a special weekend and lastly because she still never mentioned the guy. I know technically it was none of my business, but I just figured that by then we would’ve been able to talk about stuff like that. Plus, if there was nothing shady about it, I didn’t see why it couldn’t be mentioned. The fact that it seemed to be a secret really bothered me.

She ended up missing her flight, so then she called me.

Marriana: Hey! You won’t believe what I just did.

Me: Met Hayley Williams?

Marriana: *laughs* I wish! I missed my flight and now I have a 9-hour layover.

Me: That sucks! What are you going to do?

Marriana: I’m not sure. I can’t go back home… do you want to hang out for a little while?

Me: Hm, I will get back to you on that. I’ll have to see.

I should’ve just told the truth and said no but I wasn’t thinking straight. I was a little ticked off at the fact that it seemed as if I was a second option. She had no intentions of hanging with me until her plans where postponed. The weird thing is that an hour later we had a conversation on Facebook. She responded to an old message asking about her opinion on the perfect date story.

Me: Hey, let me know what you think about this.

Marriana: I love it! I always love your stories. They’re so romantic lol. You should act on them so some of them can be real.

Me: Thanks and lol yeah, I should. This one was for you, but I think I can figure out something a little better.

Marriana: A little better how? Who’s Chanel?

Me: Made up name. She symbolizes you.

Marriana: Oh really? So, what’s going to happen for these two characters?

Me: No idea… Can’t write real life. Wish I could because it sure would make some things a lot easier!

Marriana: Sure would. I would rewrite a substantial part of my life.

Me: I’d rewrite my whole life.

After that the conversation ended and she eventually left for Vegas later that day. That was a long few days, but when she came back we started back talking again. The movie Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 came out that week so we planned to see it that weekend. While we there everything was okay, but it seemed like all our chemistry was gone. We were two people together but doing our own thing. I had what seemed like the world on my chest and I didn’t know how to deal with it or express myself. I couldn’t really talk to her about some of the things I knew because I knew more than what I was supposed to. Plus, she was texting the whole time which was also distracting. Eventually, the night was cut short because her phone was dying.

In the coming days, I started seeing increased interactions between them on Facebook. We weren’t talking much or at all at this point and I felt like all was lost. One night, I reposted one of those stupid status games that were going around at the time. It was one of those “Like my status and I’ll confess something in your inbox.” She liked it and then sent me a message…

Marriana: So I’m ready for my confession lol

Me: *Cues Dramatic Score* I used to have like the biggest crush on you, lol it was crazy. Now it’s changed, and I really can’t explain it now. It’s not a crush anymore it’s a lot deeper than that now. I would say that it is love; however, I do know that’s a strong word and shouldn’t be just thrown around recklessly but by definition (An emotion of strong affection and personal attachment) that’s what it is. I would’ve/should’ve said something by now, but I wanted to say it in this grand way, like in way that had never been done before and would’ve been extremely memorable. Lol I’m talking big like writing you a message on the moon and rearranging the stars in the shape of a heart with your name in it. I know that’s impossible but just something big like that. Sadly, though I blanked out, and the only (practical) idea was that little dialogue/story thing.

Marriana: Haha yeah, I know how that is. Well thanks for letting me know. I had a feeling you did but I wasn’t sure lol. So, what are we going to do about this?

Me: lol yeah. Um, I have no idea. What do you think?

Marriana: I think we should go to dinner at Atlantic Station again. I also think that we should talk about it there. Just to come out the shell a little bit. Yes?

Me: Sure! Sounds good to me!

That was on a Monday. Then we had a conversation on Wednesday about life and careers. She was telling about how she couldn’t wait for her benefits to kick in etc. That Thursday I planned to schedule that dinner for that upcoming weekend, but instead we had a conversation that changed everything.

Me: Hey

Marriana: Hey, how are you today?

Me: I’m fine. You?

Marriana: I’m pretty good… I’m thinking about a lot though. My friend gave me an idea and it’s plaguing my mind.

Me: That’s good to hear and what’s this idea? If you don’t mind me asking.

Marriana: Joining the Air Force…

Me: Ah, okay. How long have you been thinking about it?

Marriana: I just talked to him yesterday… You would think that such a crazy idea would just go in one ear and out the other for me, but it’s sticking. I haven’t figured out why.

Me: I see… Well it sounds good when you hear about it, trust me I know. I was close to joining myself. All I can say is that you keep thinking about and if you feel it’s the right thing to do then go!

After that conversation we didn’t really speak for a few days until early on the 10th of December (my mom’s birthday). I got a text at like 5 o’clock in the morning.

Marriana: Hey love!

Me: Hey, what’s up? Is everything okay?

Marriana: Kinda, but not really. Sorry if I woke you.

Me: You’re fine. What’s wrong?

Marriana: Everything! There’s so much going on right now. Ugh, we need a Starbucks date! Today?

Me: Aww, well today is my mom’s birthday and I planned to spend it with her, but I can see what I can do.

Marriana: Yay! Thanks love.

Me: No problem!

We ended up working something out and she wanted to meet around 4 p.m. I told my mom and she was cool with it. She never met her, so this was the perfect opportunity. Well hours passed, and she never showed up. It wasn’t until when we were on the way home that she sent a text…

Marriana: I didn’t see you, so I left. I started feeling bad. Maybe another time.

Me: I was definitely there, but hope you feel better.

I felt bad for her, so I figured I would surprise her at her job with flowers and a card. You know, just a little something to try and make her feel a little better. Well, that Monday I showed up and surprised her. She was so happy. Her smile was so perfect! It was one that could unite the world. Sadly, this was one of the last times I would ever see it. A couple of weeks pass and it’s my birthday, which was good outside of not hearing from Marriana. She said her phone was messed up and was sending texts late. Two days later was Christmas and we talked briefly, mostly because I finally got my “Happy Birthday” text. Right after Christmas I left for Florida and we talked a little bit here and there. The only thing that was weird was that she randomly asked if I knew her ex. Truth was, I did and that was the way I found her. Her ex and I used to be friends in the 5th and 6th grade, but we grew distant once we both moved and changed schools. I went through an old yearbook after I graduated high school and saw him. I looked him up on Facebook and that’s how I saw her. They were dating at the time, so I didn’t say anything, but like a year later I stumbled across her profile again and saw they weren’t dating anymore so I sent a request. I’m not sure if that was an issue or not, but I didn’t think so. When New Year’s came around we exchanged a few meaningful words.

Me: Happy New Year! I just wanted to let you know that you were my highlight of 2011 and you really mean a lot to me. I really value our friendship and I hope it lasts through 2012 and beyond.

Marriana: Aww. Thank You. You mean a lot to me as well Brandon. I never want to lose you!

After that conversation I thought things would start to get better or at least we would talk more but it didn’t work out that way. We talked but it was always short and would usually end with something about the military. I was really beginning to panic as far as our friendship was concerned, so I did what I do best. I wrote a long sentimental note on Facebook.

L.O.V.E that four letter word we all wish to experience at some point in our lives. There are so many types of love, and they’re all great except for one: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills it’s victims. It’s called “unrequited” love. Sadly, I’m an expert on this one. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other, but what about the people like me? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed group out of all the “loved” ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. It sucks being in love with you because it seems so one sided. I just wish you would love me back even if it was only for a little while, because I would cherish it like it was forever. Ugh, I wish there was something I could do, but I guess only time will tell, and I’m willing to wait for however long I need to because there is no other person on earth that can make me feel this way. No matter how mad I get, when I talk to you it calms me. When the world seems to get the best of me, you make me forget about all of that. You brighten all of my cloudy days! I feel empty and depleted without you, but when you’re around it’s a feeling I can’t describe. A simple text makes me feel like a King. With all of that being said, I’ve realized that you are “The One”. Again, no one has ever made me feel this way I’ve had crushes and etc., but like I’ve told you already it’s way beyond that. It’s magical and it’s unreal but you know what – that’s what love is. So why don’t you just say “___”, there’s nothing holding you back. It’s not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love. It’s so simple and you know it is. You’re the only way to me, the path is clear. What else do I need to say or do?

I didn’t tag her in it (it wasn’t really for her to see but then again it was) but I made it obvious that it was about her by making a coded message in it (bold letter). It took a few hours but she finally saw it and sent me a text.

Marriana: There’s a lot about me that you don’t know Brandon…

Me: What do you mean?

Marriana: I mean I haven’t told you a lot and you should know that before you get strong feelings for me… I used to smoke, and I cuss a lot when I’m not around you. I’m not a virgin and my last relationship ended so terribly and left me with little faith in committed relationships. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all that earlier. I just didn’t know you felt so strongly for me.

Me: No need for apologies, if anything I should’ve been clear with my feelings so that you would’ve known. But yeah, that stuff doesn’t matter to me. I mean hell, I’m not perfect either. There’s a lot that I haven’t exactly shown to you either. Everyone has their own self-proclaimed faults and/or dumb things that they’ve done or in some cases still do, so it’s no biggie.

About two weeks go by and its Valentine’s Day. The day before, I saw on Facebook where she made a post about spending V-Day by herself and not having anyone to spend it with. I told her that I would try to see her even though I had to work. I ended up being able to visit (barely) and gave her this big velvet chocolate heart. She seemed to be surprised and excited that I made it. She got off work like 10 minutes later and we spent time together for a little while. We went to Starbucks and just talked. There was one part of the conversation that really stuck out to me though.

Marriana: I’m so ready to leave Georgia! Ugh!

Me: I know how you feel. Are you still going on that trip to Florida with your friends?

Marriana: Oh yeah! I totally forgot! *laughs*

Me: *laughs* How could you forget that? Does your mom know about this trip?

Marriana: She knows I’m going somewhere but she doesn’t know I’m going across the country.

Me: *chuckles* Ah, I see.

It seemed fishy to me, especially since Florida is on the same side of the country as Georgia but I didn’t give it much thought. Well a few days later she out the blue texts me….

Marriana: Can I ask you something?

Me: Sure what’s up?

Marriana: I really want to know what took you so long for you to tell me that you had feelings for me, and I want to know why you won’t act on those feelings when we’re together.

Me: To be honest I’m not even sure, and it pisses me off when we are together, and I don’t say or do anything. I guess I just didn’t know if the feelings were mutual. I have a history of falling for people who don’t feel the same way, so I’m just extra cautious now.

Marriana: Well the feeling was mutual at first, but you never said anything, so by November I just figured you wanted to be friends. Then you randomly brought me flowers that day and I was confused. We never talked about anything related to it when we were together. Every time we hang out we have discussions that I have with my other friends, but that was conflicting with what I saw on Facebook.

Me: Yeah, I figured that. I can imagine it being very confusing and misleading. Sorry.

Marriana: I’m sorry too. I never meant to hurt you or cause any pain or stress.

Me: There’s no need to apologize. Most of that was self-inflicted on my behalf.

So, about a week goes by and I send this to her…

Me: Hey, I would much rather have this conversation in person, but I don’t know when I’ll see you, so this will do. One of the main reasons why I never told you directly about how I felt for you was because I’ve been debating/stressing for months on whether or not to move to California (it could be at any time or most likely in the summer -possibly not totally in stone) with my parents and then from there do my own thing. Knowing me, you would think it would be an automatic decision, but I don’t know. I didn’t want to ask you out and have the possibility of you saying yes and then it only last for a few months because I end up moving or something. That would suck on so many levels, because I would want it to last. Another thing is that you’re amazing and wondrous. I would even go as far to say that you’re perfect. I know there is no such thing, but to me you are. You deserve the same, and I don’t know if I could be that. I would love to try, but I would hate to fail. Besides, you’re going to be joining the air force soon and after you get out of training and get stationed (wherever that may be) who knows, you might find someone there, and it wouldn’t make sense to be tied down to someone you can’t even see and I wouldn’t want to do that. I would want you to live and have fun and experience some things.

Marriana: Hey Brandon… I got your text yesterday. I’m sorry that I didn’t respond. I was doing a lot. But I want you to know that you mean a lot to me. I met you at a low point in my life. A lot of disappointing and hurtful things were happening and talking to you every day was my escape. I love talking to you, and I liked you at one point. But I didn’t know you felt the same… I think you should go to California. That has more to offer you that staying in Georgia does and you’ll most like be happier. I will miss hanging out with you, but I’m leaving too…

The next morning, we started talking again and surprisingly it was reminiscent of how things were when we first met.

Me: Hey!

Marriana: Hey love!

Me: How are you?

Marriana: Perfect! How about you?

Me: I’m good. Have you ever been camping?

Marriana: Random lol …

Me: I know lol

Marriana: Yeah, I have but it’s been so long ago

Me: We should go!

Marriana: I’d love to, but I can’t pitch a tent lol

Me: lol I got you on that. I think I can rig something up.

Marriana: Oh God, on second thought never mind lol

Me: Oh so, you don’t trust my tent pitching capabilities? Lol

Marriana: Nope! Lol

Me: We should go for real. I don’t know where though.

Marriana: It would have to be something by your house in case we need to run from a bear lol

Me: Right! Good thinking. Hmm, what are you doing this weekend?

Marriana: Oh, I’ll be in Vegas…

Me: Oh, cool… Well, have fun.

After that, our conversation just completely stopped. I was so pissed off, because that confirmed what she said on Valentine’s Day. I went outside and just worked out and played basketball non-stop (my release). Well eventually because I was so mad and didn’t take breaks for water I got really dehydrated and over-heated. I ended up having to go to the hospital to get IV’s and stuff. While I was there they also told me that stress was a factor as well. When my cousin called me to check up on me I told her what the nurse said (she knew about the Marriana stuff) and she took matters into her own hands. That next day, my cousin and her friend started sending Marriana all types of crazy messages on Facebook. Then on a status that I posted, my cousin’s friend (old friend of mine) went all out.

Of course, once Marriana saw that she was furious. When we talked that next day, she was in attack mode.

Marriana: Why does your friend have such a negative opinion about me? I do not know her, so it had to be something you told her.

Me: I really did not say that stuff. Not like that anyway.

Marriana: Yeah, right… And why are you so concerned about who I’m going to see it’s not like we date. That’s my best friend anyway.

That’s just a snippet, but you get an idea of what was said. I got the silent treatment for the next few weeks. During the two weeks I tried calling her and texting her, but she wouldn’t answer me. So, one Friday I figured that I would try to get some answers and figure out why she was still ignoring me. After I got off from work I went to the train station that she goes to when she goes home. To my surprise, when I saw her she seemed surprised yet excited to see me. That completely threw me off and I couldn’t have the conversation that I wanted to have. The whole meeting seemed irrelevant and stupid. So that following Monday, my mom had to go to work like early to finish a project and she wanted someone to go with her. Since it was like 5 o’clock in the morning and I was in the area I figured that I would go and walk her from the station to the hotel she works at. All while doing that I was going to apologize for Friday. That was a bad idea, but I decided to go through with it. Well I finally saw her, but she was late and, in a rush, so I didn’t really get a chance to speak to her, but she said that she would text me later that day. This is how it went:

Marriana: Brandon!

Me: What’s up? How are you?

Marriana: I’m fine. But I’m not comfortable with you just showing up at my job. I understand you want to hang out, but that’s not cool.

Me: I understand, and I was afraid of that and I’m sorry. Honestly, this morning, since I was already out I just wanted to apologize for Friday.

Marriana: What about Friday?

Me: Well for one, randomly popping up. But yes, you know after that ignorant stuff that took place like three weeks ago we weren’t talking, and I didn’t know why. I didn’t know if you were mad, busy, or whatever. I tried/wanted to ask but you didn’t respond (called once, texted twice). I knew that there was only one other way and that was to meet you by your job. I didn’t want to at first because that’s kind of stalkerish. Although, that wasn’t my intention, I know that is how it could be perceived. Also, for lack of a better word, I was an ass. Plain and simple. I had this dumb dramatic speech prepared, but it threw me off when I did see you and while you seemed surprised and it appeared that nothing was wrong and that made me upset. In my mind I was thinking “If nothing was wrong then why didn’t she respond" That’s why I was a little off-standish and quiet. Then when (Interrupted me)

Marriana: Because I don’t like drama. And after that whole thing with your friend happened, I just wanted to distance myself from any upcoming drama. But showing up at my job is “stalkerish" and I don’t want you to do that.

Me: (Me finishing my last statement) We got to the art center I really got irritated/frustrated (more so at myself and the surroundings at the time) I don’t know if you could tell from my facial expressions because I know I’m the worst at hiding them. But yeah, again that’s why I was quiet and seemed uninterested whenever you said something.

Marriana: Okay

Me: Don’t worry about it, I won’t show up unannounced anymore or at all. I just really wanted to clear up the BS. I didn’t really tell Asia (she really isn’t my friend trust me) or my cousin any of that stuff. I can show/tell you multiple times where she’s done this very same thing to me on many occasions. I have no clue why … She has a very wild imagination, for example…

Marriana: (nothing)

Me: (Her- how is your friend? Me- Marriana? Oh, she’s fine. She’s about to go on a trip. Her- that’s cool where? Me- Vegas. Her- oh, smh. Me- What? Her- Well… Over the summer I went on your page and I looked at her profile and noticed she was talking to some guy. Me- Okay, why does that matter to me? Her- well he lives in Vegas and wants her to visit. That’s why she’s going. Are you mad? Me- nope. Why should I be? I’m sure it’s just a friend. Her- Brandon she’s f-ing him. Me- I doubt that, but even if she was we don’t date so why should it matter. I wish we did, but we don’t so who cares. Her- You’re just in denial you’ll see! … Sorry for how long that is but that was close to the actual conversations we had.)

After that we weren’t talking again for a few days. Well my sister really liked her and wanted me to do something for her birthday which was Friday of that same week. I knew I was the last person on earth that she would want to see or hear from, but I got her a gift, cake and made a card anyway.

I texted her early that Friday morning to see if it was okay if I came by later that day and gave her the stuff and she said it was cool.

What the card said: May today and all the days afterward be great for you. I hope and pray that within this next year every goal, dream, and aspiration of yours will be reached and achieved. I truly meant what I said when I told you that you meant a lot to me, I just want you to know that. I know I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes and I’m deeply sorry for that. Look, I really want to see you do good in whatever it is that you do. I’m rooting for you! I’m in your corner. I will always be there no matter what, through the thick and thin, until the end. I want to see you win so bad, so go win! Happy Birthday Marriana…

When I got to her job later that day and dropped the stuff she seemed extremely excited and happy but then again, she did this in front of her co-workers (who liked me). She also said that when she got off, she would call or text me, so we could spend time together. So, I ran errands and stuff until about the time she gets off work, but she never texted or called. I continued to wait for about another hour or two until finally (by accident) we ran into each other. She was on her way to the train station, so I said that I would walk with her and stay until she got on her bus. When we got off the train and went to her bus stop, she immediately walked away from me and started talking to this guy. I figured it was a friend that she met or something, so I didn’t really give it much thought. After about 5-7 minutes she came back, but then she started huffing/puffing and started pacing around. I asked her what was wrong with her and she claimed that it was nothing and that she just doesn’t like being in one place for extended periods of time. She was pacing like long distances (20 steps), then she started complaining about being hot. In my mind I was like “Yeah, all that damn running around you’re doing.” After about 10 minutes of that she left and sat down next to some random guy. This time I followed her but as I got there she got up and walked away. She continued doing this every 2-3 minutes. By then, I was pissed off and didn’t want to talk anymore. We didn’t say anything else that day. When I got home and thought about it for a while, I texted her telling her that we needed to talk. That next day she called but I was away from my phone. I called her back within 5 minutes of the call, but she didn’t pick up. Within 10 minutes she started bombarding me with texts about how I don’t talk to her in person and how frustrating it was/is that I was never direct with my feelings and etc. I texted her back asking if we could talk instead of texting about it. She agreed and then called me later that night. That conversation was a disaster. I tried to tell her everything and why things were the way they were, but I could tell by her tone and her huffing and puffing that she didn’t want to hear it, so I just cut it short. She then out the blue started to give me relationship advice about what to do and what not to do to get a girlfriend. She was like girls like strong guys not soft ones and etc. It pissed me off, so I just was like “I’m done there is nothing else I want to talk about…”

We didn’t say a word to each other after this. She started posting a bunch of subliminal statuses on Facebook, for example “Was venting to my mom and called someone a puss. Lol *****Wuss. Oops!” Then she deleted her profile and then came back and posting depressing statuses and stuff, so I sent a message to her.

Me: Hey. I hate to bother you but I’m just wondering if there’s a chance of us ever being friends again or should I just let it go. It would be so much easier for me if you would just say it. I totally understand now how you felt when I was doing the same, but yeah just let me know. It’s hard and it sucks looking at your number in my phone and wondering if I can even use it or if my phone will ever light up with something from you again, or even just going places that remind me of you. Whatever you choose though, is cool. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, then I’ll fallback and deal with it. I don’t want to, especially because I really valued our friendship but hey that’s life, it’s full of doing things that you don’t really want to do.

Marriana: You’re just not my type Brandon, and I have a boyfriend now. We can be friends, I guess. But you don’t like to talk when we spend time together so…

Me: Congrats, and I wasn’t asking for anything more than a friendship if that's what you meant by type. And you’re right I screwed up I let my emotions become who I was and how I acted and honestly that wasn’t completely my fault but that’s in the past forget it. Let’s start over. -clean slate

She never responded to me, so I sent another message like a week later…

Me: By the way you never really answered the question. It’s either yes or no, not maybe because I don’t want to wait for a day for us to speak or something and then it never happens.

She didn’t respond so I just let it go. Over the summer I would notice all these depressing statuses that she as posting (never being able to find a good guy etc.) but whenever I would offer some encouraging advice she would she would ignore me, so I gave up all together. I didn’t send anymore texts or send messages on Facebook. I accepted the fact that it was over, and we couldn’t be friends all the way up until around September. I posted a new picture and I noticed that she liked it. I thanked her but left it alone. Then about two weeks later I saw her posting more depressing statuses about not being happy and stuff, so I figured I would try to do something to help. I knew I couldn’t randomly show up, so I ordered some flowers to be sent to her.

I have good taste, right? Anyways, she texted me the day she got them and then called me. We talked and caught up for about an hour, it was cool. We also set up a little hangout session that weekend but when Saturday came I heard nothing from her, so I sent a text…

Me: Did you still want to try to hang tonight or tomorrow?

Marriana: Right… I’m sorry…. Tomorrow will be better

Me: It’s cool. What time?

She didn’t respond… The next day came and the entire day passed but I still didn’t hear from her, so I sent another text that night.

Me: Ended up being busy?

She didn’t respond so I said forget it and left it alone. A few days later she randomly texted me early in the morning as I got to work and said…

Marriana: Good Morning! I’m so sorry about Saturday. I ended having a lot to do. I’ll make it up to you though. This weekend?

Me: Good Morning to you as well, and sure just let me know.

Well just like the plan before it fell apart so, and I didn’t hear back from her. I thought that she just didn’t want to, so I gave up on planning something. About 3 weeks later she texted me early in the morning…

Marriana: Are you working today?

Me: Nope… Why what’s up?

Marriana: Meet me at Atlantic Station? Is 3'ish good?

Me: Today? Um, sure that works…

We ended up meeting up and surprisingly it went well. We had dinner and went to the movies. Afterwards, we said our last goodbyes (she was leaving for basic training in a week) and that was it. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my whole life. Our whole friendship flashed before my eyes. I got emotional and I’ll admit I even got a little choked up. It really hit soon as I saw her walk away for the last time. I knew that was the last time I was ever going to see her. After basic training she was going to be in Texas for another 5-6 months, then there’s a slight chance she comes back but I doubt. I wish things were different, but I was grateful that in the end, we ended on a good note. Yeah…. Boy was I wrong! So, I thought we ended on a good note, but she was clearly playing with me. So, after she graduated from basic training, she got back on Facebook and everything like everything was normal. The only thing though was that she wasn’t talking to me. I gave her a week though because I figured she was busy or whatever but yeah that wasn’t the case. I then texted her and she tried to act like things were good.

Me: Hi

Marriana: Oh hey! :D I was just thinking of you!

Me: Oh, for real? How are you?

Marriana: I’m great! I found out I’m moving to Virginia and etc.…

Me: Oh, okay cool.

Marriana: Yeah… I had a chance to go overseas but I was kinda scared.

Me: Why?

Marriana: Well that’s kind of a big leap for the first-time leaving home.

Me: You should’ve just left! I would have….

Marriana: Well, how are you?

Me: I’m okay I guess… There’s just a lot of stuff going on. I’m scared that I may lose my Great Grandma and I’ve been to like 4 funerals in like 3 months. I don’t know it’s weird 😔

Marriana: Yeah, you need a shrink

…and that was the last thing she ever said to me. Technically it was my fault that the conversation failed. I guess I was just a little upset but ehh whatever… I’ve grown a lot now. Like I’m over it/her but I do miss her. She was an important part of my life and will always have a special place in my heart!