Not This Road

When we all were kids we swore to the D.A.R.E program that we would never drink or smoke. When we got to middle and high school we didn't give it much thought anymore. Now after high school and in college, we damn sure don't care and probably do it every day of the week. Some of the people we grew up with are doing it all and selling it and you think that they're the same or you probably notice something is different about them but you still don't really care. Some of the dudes that you are into you know sell and indulge and some you don't know. You find out later..

Then there's me, I didn't do much in high school and now I'm almost done with college and still haven't done much. I tried weed twice in high school and didn't really drink. In college I've smoked way more than two times but I don't get super high and I drink occasionally but never get sloppy drunk. I'm tiny and I know my limits, a little bit is even too much and I get to feeling dizzy and sleepy. I'll do both of these every blue moon but I'll drink a little something before I smoke. However, this is not really about drugs.

This is about who you associate with and figuring out what you want out of life. I started dating this handsome, chocolate guy. He gave me so many butterflies I thought he was the one. He slid in my DM's on twitter and we had a nice conversation. I never talk to anyone on social media but the vibes were so good I gave him my number and we started messaging each other every day. He met me in person at my job and a coworker knew him and spoke but she was way younger than us. After he left, I asked the girl how do you know him and she said he was her weed man.

I was shocked because he didn't look like a weed man to me. I know now that people that sell well can be the best looking people, it's about the money and other things. In my head I was like I want to see where this goes; him selling weed became less of a problem. We started taking after my spring semester was over going into the summer. After three months of dating, yes, three months, things went from peaches and cream to dog shit. We were always together, hanging with his friends, I met his parents, we would get high together, and so much more. I was having the time of my life over the summer. I was experiencing new things at a rapid rate. I felt like I was coming into my true self. We had a strong connection, it wasn't about the physical attraction but we did get physical. I was just head over my heels.

By the end of the summer he started becoming more busy and it wasn't adding up. We weren't being that affectionate either. He had told me about his past girls and I knew it wasn't all of them but he said he was only telling me the ones that meant something. I was thinking it was another girl, which it was. A girl that didn't meet his past girls standards or mine. A new girl started working at my job, but I never had to work with her. I didn't think much of this girl until one day I received a message from this girl asking about my relationship with him. She told me he was her man and how she was pregnant with him. As this was happening, he was texting me telling me don't respond that's some chick he used to talk to and how she just crazy and mad that he's talking to me and how she messed things up with their relationship.

I was pissed but I let it slide. A week or two later she was in the break room when I arrived at work. She proceeded to show me a fake ultrasound and go on about him and his lies. I was extremely hurt but of course he said she was lying and then two weeks later he broke it off with me because I didn't trust him. I was heartbroken and felt played. I was just an inexperienced, kindhearted, and beautiful girl he was trying to fool even though he got me for some more months.

We stopped talked for a month and he gradually came back around trying to mend things with me and of course I wanted things to get back right, because our connection was too good to throw away. I never had a run-in with the girl anymore but I did see a few red flag comments on her social media, but I didn't care though. He was my good friend. I wasn't trying to get with him like that even though I thought I loved him and secretly wanted things to work back out in the long run. I knew he wasn't going to hurt me anymore. I was dead ass wrong. I don't know what made me go to his house one day in the last month of winter because he always came over mine. Thirty minutes being over there, there was an abrupt knock on the door. He answered "Who is it?" and the person didn't say but continued to knock. His phone rang and he whispered that it was, "crazy at the door." I was stunned and thought she would leave soon. He told her go away and she began to scream and came around to the side door by the kitchen. She got through that door and started beating on him in his chair and came over to me on the couch and started battering me. It was happening so fast and I had never gotten in a fight before. I felt helpless, I'm small as hell and this bitch is big as fuck. I'm trying to figure out why is this happening, why he didn't get her ass out the house before she even touched me, how the hell am I going to get out of this house, and damn my lip bleeding. I was finally able to leave the house after she kept on trying to get the best of me. He was getting her off of me here and there but it was the worst time of my life.

After it was all said and done, he had the nerve to tell me he didn't want anything to do with this if I call the police, which was no doubt because of him selling. Another reason he didn't say but I know is because he still going to be dealing with her. One of the red flags was her supposedly being pregnant in which he keeps denying. I think the fact that he smokes so much has messed him up in the head or he really just fucked up in the head trying to play it like he smooth and the drugs just make it worse. She gotta be doing it too to be acting a damn fool. If she doing all this she got to be pregnant for him but crazy to put her and the baby in danger by fighting. I got too much going for myself to be hanging out with a dude that smoke all the time, make illegal money, and really don't get a damn about me.

I hate it took this long and for this to happen for me to see all this. This is not the road I want to take in life. My life was in danger and it could have been over for me if she really had hit me with a hard blow. This is what people really be out here doing, this is the real road people rather take. I won't be going back, not this road. My eyes opened up for sure since that day. You gotta watch yourself from yourself and from other people. I'm not saying no to drugs because they can be stress relievers but don't abuse it. Be aware of yourself and your surroundings.