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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater

Character vs. Circumstance

By Gabrielle KirricPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Everyone has heard the saying: "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Possibly the biggest mistake a person can make in a relationship is cheating on their significant other. Undoubtedly, most people who regularly peruse the dating pool will have a few run-ins with infidelity, and of those people, some will stay with the person who cheated, and (most) others will dump the sorry ass of the cheater. Let's, for the sake of ease, call the former group "Group A," and the latter group "Group B."

Most people will fall into Group B. When someone in a relationship cheats on their partner, it's a breach of an unsaid contract that most people subconsciously have. The immediate response for most people is to leave that relationship; kick 'em to the curb. I get it. That's the advice that I'd give to any of my friends and have given to my friends when their significant others have cheated on them. When someone mistreats you in a relationship, when they break not only your trust, but your heart, the best advice you can take is to kick their ass to the curb and never look back. In most cases, I'd take my own advice.

But, you see, I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I fall into Group A. My boyfriend cheated on me. One night, he went to a party, another woman kissed him, and instead of pushing her away (what I would've expected him to do), he kissed her back, and it wasn't until one of his friends came and pried them apart that they stopped. The next time he saw me, he told me what happened, and then he wanted to leave me. Not because all of a sudden he didn't love me, but he was under the impression that, if he cheated on me, then it was not possible for him to love me; that, somehow, by him making a mistake, it meant that his love for me couldn't be real, that it must all be false, because if he really did love me, how could he have done something so awful? Well, let me tell you, I did not want him to leave, and I'll tell you why.

There is a difference between a character trait and a mistake. Circumstance plays a huge part in how actions should be perceived. Let me give you an example: If someone is always late to things—you know, dates, lunches, work, parties—then they're known as someone who's always late. If they're always late then there's a good chance that they're making decisions that cause them to be late. They may be choosing to get up later than usual, or to shrug off being quick, even though they know they have something they need to attend. This makes them a late person. Being late is a character trait. On the other hand, if someone is late to something once, and it's because their train got delayed or they got stuck in traffic, then coincidence caused their tardiness, and that doesn't necessarily make them a late person. Apply this to cheating, and those who cheat with intent to do so and do it again and again with that same intent. Those people are cheaters. Those people have the character trait of cheating. If someone cheats one time without the intent or malice behind it, then there's a good chance they made a mistake. People who make mistakes don't necessarily need to be thrown into hell for their mistakes. Lucky for them, there's still hope.

Think about it this way: If you know a person through and through, if you know who they are and you truly trust them, accept the idea that maybe a mistake was made. If someone cheats on you, then consider the circumstances and your knowledge of that person. If there have been lots of warning signs in your relationship that might point to this person having negative character traits, then maybe it's time to let them go, but if this is a person that, at the end of the day, you still love and trust, then give it a chance, and there may be hope in rebuilding your relationship.

Once a cheater, (not necessarily) always a cheater.

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About the Creator

Gabrielle Kirric

I've got a lot of thoughts, and a lot of free time. Ask me anything, and you shall recieve.

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