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The day came when she finally felt every sporadic emotion flood her body. All the ones she felt when she was a young girl, sitting in her bed listening to the screams through the broken home, that was proclaimed to be home sweet home.
Victoria let in the last drag from her cigarette and continued to shake from the fear of letting go of the only thing she knew that was the remedy of hiding all feelings, the tiny bag of white powder she possessed in her clutch. She replayed moments inside her head when she felt beautiful and alive before bringing in this fraudulent friend that captivated her and made her think she was finally alive. "I haven't loved something so much, but in order to love myself, I need to let you go," she said to herself. The fear of becoming herself through true senses again and if she would overcome the haunting images made her cringe.
Days went by as Victoria battled with rekindling real feelings and the friends she had left behind. She felt she wasn't going to make it without relapsing. "But would that bag have been the last one, or would I have pushed myself off the ledge with no bungee cord to bring me back?"
As time went on she started feeling little pieces of hope, she knew in her past she was indeed a drug addict and she wasn't ashamed anymore. She wasn't ashamed to tell her story and how her mind told her lies in order to feel complete through lines of deception. She buried the casket and let to rest the empty soul she would never become again. Tears, not from fear of letting something go, but tears of joyous relief she had the opportunity to continue to breathe another breath.
On one late afternoon, Victoria studied the feeling of potential found love. She met with a man she hadn't seen before; a blind date they thought could never capture their interest in one another. As the roar of the waves from crashing onto the coastline grew louder, their relentless amounts of energy captivated each other as they began to grow more fond of what they had both been missing for so long. Jonathon placed his hand behind Victoria's neck as they lay their on top of sand blankets and spoke through only his eyes, and at that moment they had realized nothing could stop them. Victoria found the drug she had been craving; the one she had confused with for dope—intimacy. The closeness she felt with Jonathon was nothing like she had ever experienced before... Acceptance.
Days went by as Victoria and Jonathon continued to talk through text messages, expressing how they felt for one another. How could one date bring two individuals so close? Victoria had yet to understand this. Was it love? Was it lust? She had experienced both in the worst ways; bad relationships, drug addiction, watching her mother and father fight til no end since she was a young girl. She trusted Jonathon, she felt complete and beautiful with knowing she was speaking to someone she finally felt connected with.
Victoria's friends and family couldn't believe how fast she once again was seeing another man. After the past year she was dealing with separation from her husband and the drug addiction, they thought she would need months, possibly even a year to recover. But Victoria had always been a strong individual. She knew once she found something real, though she had mistaken lust for love before, that Jonathon had a major impact already on her life with the one date. But no one had seen Victoria light up the way she did when she spoke of Jonathon.